Dilemma with friend

[Andara Bledin]

The problem isn't necessarily the committed relationship as the lack of awareness of all parties involved.

If anyone is out of the loop, then it will end in tears if not tragedy.

[Shangri-laschild]

Not necessary, some people are just terrible and selfish to begin with. -.-

Yeah but how often are relationships with people like that stable? Which is kind of my point that for one reason or another, often when stuff like this happens, the relationship already wasn't in a good place really.

The problem isn't necessarily the committed relationship as the lack of awareness of all parties involved. If anyone is out of the loop, then it will end in tears if not tragedy.

But how good of shape is the relationship actually in if people are out of the loop? I'm not saying both parties are always aware of it or that something is wrong. When I was cheated on, I had no signs or clue that anything was wrong. If one of the people isn't fully in the relationship, there's a problem with the relationship.

[s_stabeler]

I personally think A is being an utter idiot for a couple of reasons ( most notably, if B is willing to cheat on her husband, how does A expect that B will not end up cheating on him?)

Also, while I don't particularly care about someone getting into a relationship with someone who turns out to be married ( that's on the cheater) if you know they are married... yeah, don't.

As for what you should do, stay out of it, but if A asks you for advice, tell him to find somebody else to date who isn't married.

[Anthony K. S.]

I have never been in this situation, and I honestly don't know how I would handle it.

Would I tell the cheater's spouse? Would I try to talk my friend out of it? Would I end the friendship?

It would depend a lot on how close I was to the situation and the people involved. I suppose I can't really know what I'd do until I was actually in the situation.

One thing I am pretty sure about, though. I would make it clear to my friend from the very beginning that if he gets into trouble, he's on his own.

"If you two need an alibi, or somebody to cover for you, DO NOT come to me. If you insist on going ahead with this, just remember I warned you. If it blows up in your face, you're on your own. I don't know you."

No way would I let them drag me into this.

[Andara Bledin]

"If you two need an alibi, or somebody to cover for you, DO NOT come to me. If you insist on going ahead with this, just remember I warned you. If it blows up in your face, you're on your own. I don't know you."

Also:

"When this fails, and it's almost guaranteed to fail, I will say that I told you so."

[s_stabeler]

My attitude is slightly more nuanced: i won't lie. I won't actively tell the spouse, but if said spouse asks me directly if their SO is cheating? I'm not going to deny it. (I won't drop them in it deliberately- if B's husband asked me where B was, i wouldn't say "on a date with A" but fi B's husband asks me f B is cheating on him with A I wouldn't cover for A.)

[Greenday]

Also:

"When this fails, and it's almost guaranteed to fail, I will say that I told you so."

By far one of the most petty lines to make oneself feel self-important. The definition of kicking someone when they are down.

[Andara Bledin]

By far one of the most petty lines to make oneself feel self-important. The definition of kicking someone when they are down.

If someone's being a total idiot, I don't feel at all sorry for threatening to kick them when they end up down, because it's their own damned fault.

Besides, it's a threat. I never said anything about following through on it.

[Greenday]

If someone's being a total idiot, I don't feel at all sorry for threatening to kick them when they end up down, because it's their own damned fault.

Besides, it's a threat. I never said anything about following through on it.

Still doesn't sound right to me. It sounds like you'd be telling him what to do...or else. And that kind of threatening is just plain wrong.