An open question about gay marriage:

[infinitemonkies]

Smileyeagle, I'm gonna choose you as an example, because you're a vocal activist on these boards and also my friend.

How would legalizing gay marriage change your life? Other than certain legal spousal benefits and tax stuff. If you and your boyfriend went from dating to married, would it really change anything in your day to day life?

Not that I'm saying you shouldn't have just as much right to get married as straight people do, I'm asking in an awkward way why anyone would object.

Is there some significant portion of the population who are gay and closeted, and the only reason they haven't come out is because they can't legally get married? How the hell does it affect anyone else if you and your partner are legally married or not?


I think there should be complete and total separation between a religious marriage and a lawful civil union. A church should have full rights to say if you're gay you can't get married, or even be a member of a church. A church marriage should also have absolutely no effect on your legal status, in fact shouldn't even be recognized by the government.
At the same time, to get those legal benefits, you would have to get a permit from the government recognizing a civil union. And no church would have any say towards who the government could grant those to, in fact, the constitution requires the government to grant it without discrimination.

[KnitShoni]

I would imagine marriage would change the dynamic of a same-sex relationship just as it would an opposite-sex one. I know there was a difference when my husband and I went from living together to being married.

I still have yet to figure out how whether someone else is married affects my relationship with my husband. I'm not going to run out and get a divorce just because my brother-in-laws get married. I'm of the opinion that, if your marriage breaks up because gay people can get married, your marriage wasn't very strong to begin with.

[Greenday]

It's about equal rights more than anything. The Constitution says all men are created equal but for some reason we refuse to follow that and let everyone be equal.

[jackfaire]

Civil unions only work if the ruling is passed that all laws where it says Marriage now also apply to Civil unions.

Plus institute penalties for not honoring civil unions so that places are more careful about denying you your rights.

As for currently no I am single so my day to day life won't change all that much. Unfortunatly I will always be a minority I highly doubt that there will ever be more LGBT than straight people. As such it will always be more dangerous for us in some parts of the world where killing one of us is a Tuesday afternoon of fun.

I have no issue if the people want to abolish the government's ability to marry anyone. However you realize that it wouldn't be the Christian churches that get to decide what Marriage is either. Many faiths would still perform weddings for couples and essentially every married couple would use the term Married.

[AdminAssistant]

One major difference for me: In October, I could go to a dear friend's wedding and not her "commitment ceremony."

[Hobbs]

As for currently no I am single so my day to day life won't change all that much. Unfortunatly I will always be a minority I highly doubt that there will ever be more LGBT than straight people. As such it will always be more dangerous for us in some parts of the world where killing one of us is a Tuesday afternoon of fun.

Been hanging with Smiley a bit too much, eh?

Speaking of which, I'm amazed he hasn't given us an essay on the subject yet.

One major difference for me: In October, I could go to a dear friend's wedding and not her "commitment ceremony."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i106wzgmz9I

[jackfaire]

Been hanging with Smiley a bit too much, eh?

Actually nah just I met a guy in the service who was from a country where murder is illegal but if the person is gay everyone looks the other way.

Something like that sticks with you. Plus it wasn't too long ago that could happen here.

Honestly I live in an uber tolerant area. My biggest concern is the eventual showing up to family functions with a boyfriend in tow when my little brother is present. I can kick his butt however I know my mom would rather that not happen.

[Hyena Dandy]

Been hanging with Smiley a bit too much, eh?

Speaking of which, I'm amazed he hasn't given us an essay on the subject yet.

As painful as it is to admit, there are places where that's alright. That's not ridiculous to think at all... It would be ridiculous if he'd said everyone in the US felt that way, or everyone who's Christian felt that way. But its not at all ridiculous to remember that there are still places that's the norm. Its rather sobering, really.

[Hobbs]

It would be ridiculous if he'd said everyone in the US felt that way, or everyone who's Christian felt that way.

But he has said that. Not here, but in other threads.

[jackfaire]

As painful as it is to admit, there are places where that's alright. That's not ridiculous to think at all... It would be ridiculous if he'd said everyone in the US felt that way, or everyone who's Christian felt that way. But its not at all ridiculous to remember that there are still places that's the norm. Its rather sobering, really.

It puts my struggle for equal rights in perspective honestly. I can at least feel relativly safe walking through my city.

In High School one of the teachers put up an article about Matthew Sheperd in his office window I spent hours staring at it glad at the time I hadn't come out.

It's taken me 10 years to feel safe enough to come out more publicly. But there are places it's worse and I thank (deity of your choice) That I live where I do.

[HYHYBT]

One major difference for me: In October, I could go to a dear friend's wedding and not her "commitment ceremony."

The terminology is not just one of the rights of marriage, but in some respects one of the most important ones. Everyone has an internal sense of what "married" means, along with related words like "spouse," "husband," "wife," "wedding," etc., that they understand even if they don't really agree that you qualify. And English doesn't really have any convenient, clear alternatives.

[smileyeagle1021]

It puts my struggle for equal rights in perspective honestly. I can at least feel relativly safe walking through my city.

Yeah, that is the one thing that I dislike about going to San Fran... as much as I love it there, it gets tiring the people who are complaining that Hyatt doesn't have the same benefits for employees with same sex partners as heterosexual spouses, or that marriage is not a right, when I can walk into my workplace any day and have my boss say "I don't approve of your lifestyle, get out" and have absolutely no legal recourse because employment discrimination is still legal.

Coming back to the original question. I don't think there is that many people who will come out because marriage is legal, but there will be some. I will admit, the Family Research Council does have a point... legalization of marriage will to some extent legitimatize homosexuality. It will send the message that in the government's eyes homosexual couples are legit.

The main thing that will change (other than all the tax benefits and legal benefits) will be able to refer to my fiance (please see post in off topic on CS for that news ) as my husband and have it be a legal title and not just me blowing smoke. There is a huge psychological difference between knowing that you are husband and husband and having proof that you are a married couple.

[KnitShoni]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i106wzgmz9I

Play that violin for me too. I have a lot of friends who want to come home from Canada, but they can't because their marriages are not valid here. And I, for one, would love to be able to celebrate their unions.

[Nyoibo]

I know one thing it would change in Australia, I won't have to listen to another marriage celebrant have to say, by law, in the ceremony "Marriage is a union between a man and a woman to the exclusion of all else"

[AdminAssistant]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i106wzgmz9I

Aw, a violin, for me? Gee, thanks. Excuse me for wanting my dearest friends to have the same rights and privileges that I have. I want S to be able to be legally married to her fiance, to be able to file taxes together, have the power of attorney, and all of the other stuff that goes along with it. As someone else said, terminology is important. That's why I'm not entirely for civil unions. Either everybody gets married or everybody has a civil union.

Play that violin for me too. I have a lot of friends who want to come home from Canada, but they can't because their marriages are not valid here. And I, for one, would love to be able to celebrate their unions.

Exactly.

I know that I will probably be married in a few years. I will be saddened that some of my best friends will not be able to have that privilege, despite being together for much longer than my boyfriend and I have. And, I will also probably have to play referee because I know that some uptight family member is going to get offended because "Oh Mah Gawd, the GAYS are HERE." Sheesh. I'm so tired of homophobia being excused and tolerated in this country.