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  • Anybody else deal with this issue?

    I have issues with a certain religion. When I was 13 my family moved from Suburban California to rural Idaho, and I was placed into the junior high there. About 80% of the population of the area all belongs to a particular religion. Because of this, the religion had permeated nearly every aspect of life.

    The schools were regularly used as forums for this religion---the local chapters would pass out flyers to the students regarding church summer camp, sports leagues between the wards, etc. Religious notices were often posted up in the hallways.

    The junior high/high school offered seminary, which was basically a class where they learned all about their religion. To get around the church state separation, seminary classes were held in a building between the two schools (they were caddy-corner to one another). The building was not owned by either school, but by a private third party who allowed it to be used for that purpose. The most galling thing about seminary was that you could not get school credits for it---and people who did not take seminary took other classes which did give you credits, so those of us who didn't take it were required to have more credits in order to graduate then those who did.

    The preference for the religion was everywhere. My parents wanted me to get an after school job, and for a long time I could not find one. In interviews I was always asked which ward I belonged to, and when I said I did not belong to a ward, I could practically see their eyes glaze over. When my Mother went looking for an office job she was usually asked, indirectly, if she drank coffee, because the followers of this religion avoid it. She had trouble finding a job as well.

    I had two specific teachers who disliked me intensely, and from their comments to me I deduced it was because I was not a member of the religion. The family who lived next door to us was openly contemptuous of me and my sister, and I remember the younger boys telling us that their Mother told them they weren't allowed to talk to us because we would 'draw them away from God and into sin'.

    I saw it exaggerated in the social life of the students too. I did not go to any of the high school dances, nor did I ever go on a date while living there. Those kids were not allowed to date anyone who did not belong to the religion, and most of the others were Hispanic Catholics, so they kept to themselves as well. Kids in school would talk to me, but I was never, ever invited to do anything outside of school. I remember vividly the first year of school there. A group of girls I had made friends with asked me one morning which ward I belonged to. Not knowing what a ward was, I asked what they meant. They asked it again. I asked what a ward was, and they gave me a long measuring look and asked me if I was a member of their religion. I said no. It spread really quickly, and I was always treated less respectfully after that.

    I saw a lot of things happen to people while I was there, that were unfair and sometimes downright cruel, all in the name of this religion, and I developed an aversion to it. I live far away now, but I still have trouble dealing with people who belong to it. My first instinct is to distrust and avoid them. Since then, I have encountered other people of this particular religion, and of course my dealings with them have always been fairly normal and civil, and they are obviously decent people, but the distrust is still in the back of my mind, and I cannot let go of it. my experiences left a bad taste in my mouth.

    I wonder if anyone else has had this kind of experience, and how you deal with it.

  • #2
    Just so you know you're not being ignored: I suspect most of the people who haven't responded yet are in my position. I sympathise, it sounds horrid, but I've never personally dealt with anything anywhere near that severe. I don't have anything helpful to say, other than to express my sympathy.

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    • #3
      Not in a school or even a town setting but in a more clique/family setting.

      I dated a girl who grew up in a very Jewish area of my county. Her family was very strict about who she dated and her parents were none too pleased when they met me and learned that I was a atheist (The old belief that you must be Jewish to date and marry another Jewish woman, her parents were very conservative). Her parents were if anything a little overzealous about me dating her. Seeing me as an unfit man for her and asking me questions about my heritage.

      Her friends detested me. They hated me and would glare at me if I was with my then g/f. Eventually the pressure from her parents and her friends got a little too much for the both of us and we parted ways. Damn shame too, as she was an amazing person.

      IMO, religion on it's own is not that bad but when it permeates aspects of society such as a job interview, a school, or even social lives it can lead to some very bad things. A lot of hatred can stem from these things when they are left uncontrolled and I don't ever want to see or deal with that again.

      And TPG, my sympathies. I would have gone mad in that town.
      "You're miserable, edgy and tired. You're in the perfect mood for journalism."

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      • #4
        Thanks, guys.

        The issue I was actually asking about is the fact that I have trouble dealing with these people to this day. How do you get past something like that?

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        • #5
          OOO! OOO! PICK ME! I know which religion it is.

          My first husband's family was of that religion and it can be almost cult like and they do treat you different if you aren't 'one of them'.

          All I can say is just like any group some are good, some are bad. It's rare that you'll go too many places with that high of a concentration of one religion unless you're in Salt Lake or Downtown Clearwater.

          Judge a person on their own merits not what religion they are unless they give you no other choice.
          "Yes, well, I've always found your ignorance quite amusing."
          Lara Croft- Tomb Raider

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          • #6
            I wasn't ignoring you either I just didn't quite know what to say.

            I'll agree that when relgion permeates everything then it is not a good thing.

            As to how to get over it. I'm not really sure what to say other than try and recognize not everyone in the world is as ignorant/uptight/overzealous as that.

            I hope you're doing ok with thing and sorry you had such a bad experience.

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            • #7
              I think we just need to be like the two-part South Park episodes where Cartman tries to freeze himself so he doesn't have to wait for some game console. When he is like a thousand years in the future, there is no religion. They say stuff like "Science damn you!" It's hilarious.
              Violence has resolved more conflicts than anything else. The contrary opinion that violence doesn't solve anything is merely wishful thinking at its worst. - Starship Troopers

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              • #8
                Just like any other religion, there are people who are insane about it, and people who are reasonable. It's really dependent on their personality. I've never been in the position you were in, although I did get booted from the church I grew up in and had to learn to screen my calls so I wouldn't have to talk to any well-meaning but clueless people who'd try to talk me out of marrying the best guy who ever happened to me, so I can kind of relate to religious crazies.
                The religion that you're referring to really is very layered. Some people are pretty laissez-faire and just go to their Wards, other people are on their way to having their own planet, have three trillion kids and are elders at the temple. Just take each one as they are, and if they decided to be stupid religious idiots, well, that's their problem, not yours. I don't think you're in as nearly as religious as an area as you were before (you're a Portland peep too, right?), so you have that ability, at least.

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                • #9
                  That's right, phoenix, I'm in Portland now. When I got old enough I fled the entire state.

                  I guess my problem is that I can't hide it. When I'm talking to someone and they mention that they belong to that religion my first, instinctive reaction is to physically recoil from them. Believe me, they notice it. And it's really not necessary, because I now live in an area where the religion doesn't permeate everything. I have no reason to be fearful of them, but I am. It's almost visceral and completely unconscious.

                  Thanks everyone for understanding. It's kind of sad that you understand so well, when after all these years I still haven't been able to get my parents to understand why I had such a difficult time there.

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                  • #10
                    I guess you just get to learn to be a good actress, then.
                    Physically force yourself to look normal on the outside, even if inside you're thinking "HOLY CRAP! <insert religion here> ALERT!".
                    I think eventually, as you come in contact with more of them who aren't as insane, your inside reaction will more closely match your forced outside reaction.

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                    • #11
                      It sounds like you're having a reaction similar to a phobic reaction. I suggest you research desensitisation, and ideally research who in your region is skilled at diagnosing and treating phobic reactions.

                      If you're having such a visceral, physical reaction, it's deeply embedded in your subconscious mind. You should seek out professional assistance.

                      Consciously knowing it's unwarranted, however, is a terrific and huge step. You should be proud of yourself.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by NightAngel View Post
                        All I can say is just like any group some are good, some are bad. It's rare that you'll go too many places with that high of a concentration of one religion unless you're in Salt Lake or Downtown Clearwater.
                        .
                        nitpick, Salt Lake City proper no longer has the majority of its resident as members of that religion. Actually I believe that applies to the whole county now. You want bad go to either Provo or Logan.

                        And yes, I know what it feels like... it is the greatest conversion tool ever, shun someone for being different and when they give into the pressure to convert treat them like they are king of the world... I'll be honest, for the months right after converting it felt awfully damned good. Though, I wouldn't suggest converting because that's what the majority wants for you to do... that's a long term solution to a short term problem.
                        "I'm Gar and I'm proud" -slytovhand

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                        • #13
                          I've dealt with a similar situation, and I don't see any reason why you should try and get over it. You didn't mention that this reaction is causing you extreme difficulties in your life, so I'm assuming it's not. So what if you have trouble interacting with people of this particular religion? You moved to Portland, do you really encounter them that often?

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                          • #14
                            Dealing with bigoted jackasses is hard for everyone. You are not alone. Dealing with religious asses is the same as dealing with racists, and every other -ist and prejudiced group. Don't sink to their level. Don't take THEIR ignorant hate personally, and NEVER consider it your fault in any way that you are surrounded by asses.

                            Whenever you get 80% of an area to be members of one group of anything, they will attract bigoted asses. I would hazard to bet that even a strange town full of chess players would shun those asking about go or checkers.

                            Humans as individuals are often quite nice, but humans in tight groups are vile insular 'us vs. them' obsessed asses.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Flyndaran View Post
                              Humans as individuals are often quite nice, but humans in tight groups are vile insular 'us vs. them' obsessed asses.
                              and without fail the "us" will believe without a doubt that the "them" are trying to persecute them.
                              "I'm Gar and I'm proud" -slytovhand

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