Christian friend

[muses_nightmare]

A friend of mine is going through a bit of a confusing time, for lack of a better word, she's starting to think she's bi, and she's quite Christian. Neither of these things bother me, but her way of dealing with them does. She's been asking a friend of hers how she can turn her back on her god to be bi. How she can just ignore he's there. She was asking me these questions, and really I'm not the right person to ask, since I've never been Christian. Besides these are things she has to reconcile herself, she's been looking for answers in other people.

The other night she kept asking what she was missing, how could someone just ignore the possibility of hell. My answer? Some of us don't believe in hell, and never have, therefore we have no fear of what does not exist. Then she replied saying how she couldn't understand having no fear of it. I couldn't really explain it to her any clearer than I had.

Then she really kind of pissed me off, we were talking about the experiences we've had with the divine, and she was essentially offhandedly dismissing the experiences I was telling her about, while trying to say that her's wasn't explainable in any way, even when I put out valid points to show that her's could be explained, not trying to invalidate at all, but making a point that I can give things back as well as she can give them.

What I don't get with her, is why she feels she needs to ignore her god when it comes to her sexuality. I mean wouldn't a connection to a divine being be something pretty important? And one's sexuality isn't something to be taken lightly either of course, and I can see having a hard time reconciling the two, but the way she's going about it grates on my nerves, because she's asking everyone else than the person she needs to ask, herself. She wants answers that no one else can give her. And she tries to invalidate any answers she doesn't want to hear, like when I said a lot of people understand that the Bible has been translated many times over, she just said "no god wouldn't let it be mistranslated"

I'm just tearing my hair out, because she keeps asking me, and I keep telling her I can't give her the answer she wants, and no one else can.

Sorry about the wall of text, I just needed to get it out.

[elsporko]

If she believes in her god then she should stop being bi. If she wants to be bi she should just stop believing in her god. Sounds to me like she is being wishy washy. Either be bi or be christian. Stop straddling the fence.

[smileyeagle1021]

If she believes in her god then she should stop being bi. If she wants to be bi she should just stop believing in her god. Sounds to me like she is being wishy washy. Either be bi or be christian. Stop straddling the fence.

You aren't going to believe this... but I'm actually going to agree with you.
There are faiths that are accepting of homosexuality, if joining one of those doesn't reconcile God with orientation then you have to make a choice... hell, there's always option C, to hell with religion, worship whatever higher power there is as you see fit and to hell with what other people say about it.
Sitting in limbo though unsure on whether to practice that denomination of Christianity or be true to who you are is not healthy in the least.

[Rapscallion]

I think there's plenty of precedent to say that if you don't like the brand of christianity (or any religion you could care to name), either join another that's both similar and you agree with, or form your own.

It's the background for the protestant faith, methodist faith, sunni/shia islam...

Rapscallion

[Skunkle]

SOME sects of Christianity would be A-Okay with her bisexuality. But yes, if she's decided that she simply MUST give up God to be bi, she can go ahead. I'm not here to step in and tell her to keep Him; she has to choose for herself.

Elsporko, do you NOT know that some sects of Christianity, which are still strong in their Faith, do not believe homosexuality to be a sin? FORNICATION, sexual flings just for the heck of it, would still be considered sinful, but the idea is that a committed relationship between two people of any gender, sex included or excluded regardless, is blessed by God as love.

[Ghel]

I went through a similar situation as a teenager. I started doubting my faith around the same time I was starting to realize I was bi. Although, in my case, neither one caused the other. They just happened to coincide.

I have several thoughts, here. First, the statement that she wants to "turn her back on god" suggests that she still believes, but she wants to pretend she doesn't so that she can explore her sexuality. I think the most important thing is to be honest with oneself about what one believes. If she still believes in the Christian God, it shouldn't be too difficult to find a denomination that accepts bisexual individuals (as others have mentioned).

If, on the other hand, her discovery of her sexuality has caused her to doubt the existence of the God she was raised to believe in, that's ok, too. I would suggest she read about other people who have investigated various notions of god and found them to be lacking. That way, she can make an informed decision about her belief, or lack thereof, and hopefully not trade Christianity for an "alternative" religion that could end up being even more self-destructive.

[muses_nightmare]

Well see this is where I'm utterly confused by her, she keeps saying that how can she turn her back on someone so perfect (her god), and she's said she doesn't believe it's right according to the bible, even when I told her about how many people don't believe the bible says anything specifically against homosexuality (or well bi sexuality in her case, but you know what I mean), and her response to that is to say that her god wouldn't let anyone translate his word wrong.

It seems like a no win situation she's putting herself in. Me being someone who's never been Christian, and never been a part of a religion with anything but acceptance towards all sexualities, I can't really understand it, and she doesn't understand or won't accept my advice.

[Hobbs]

Huh, she seems to be from a very fundie portion that thinks the Bible is the literal word of God, and doesn't accept that some translations are better than others (I assume she probably reads the KJV...which has so many mistranslations).

[Nyoibo]

and her response to that is to say that her god wouldn't let anyone translate his word wrong.

Then how does she reconcile all the different denominations of christianity and translations of the bible existance?

[McDreidel09]

I have a friend who is facing the same dilemma, but she is being much better about it. I gave her some business cards I got from a lesbian minister at the conference I went to a couple of weekends ago. I asked her if she believed that homosexuality (or any variation of it) was a choice. She said she did not believe that, that it was something no-one could help. Then I asked her if she believed that God created everything. She said yes. Then I raised a point with her "If God did not like homosexuals, why would he create them?"

She felt much better, but is still struggling on whether or not she is bisexual. It's hard when one is told that it is a sin and one's family would disown one if they are.

[Rapscallion]

By the reasoning of that faith, though, god also created satan, evil, and the extra screw you always find after putting something back together.

Rapscallion

[crashhelmet]

... and the extra screw you always find after putting something back together.

Rapscallion

It's for that reason alone that I hate working on Laptops. 25 screws and you always have an extra when you put it back together

Back on topic, it sounds like your friend is feeling guilt. Ultimately, the only person that's going to be able to help her, is her. if you want to help, or if she keeps coming to you for help, ask her what she believes in her heart and tell her to go from there. Hopefully she'll find the peace and understanding that she's looking for.

CH