Would you pledge your virginity to your father?

[nekoro]

I'm putting this in here, but if it belongs in social woes, go ahead and move it.

http://www.glamour.com/news/articles...?currentPage=1

Here's a link to a news story. This is a movement among evangelicals, wherein a father and daughter go on a "date" to a chastity ball. There she signs a contract to stay pure until marriage.

I personally think this is disturbing. What do you think?

[Myra]

This is disturbing to me for two reasons. One is rather silly, but Jessica Simpson did one of these promise deals to her dad, and her dad creeps me the hell out. So this creeps me out by the fact that it reminds me of Papa Joe Simpson. Ugh.

And more seriously, this is the other part that creeps me out. The dad is supposed to "pledge to protect" his daughter's virginity. Hello old-fashioned! If a girl wants to make some sort of virgin pledge, that's her right. But the dad "protecting" her purity just reminds me of the redneck with the shotgun.

The fact that fathers of girls as young as four or five have brought their daughters is weird to me. At five, I had NO IDEA what sex was! They claimed it was more for the daddy/daughter bonding than anything else. Well then take her to the movies! Looking for an excuse to dress up? Go to a restaurant! It just looks creepy go take a four-year-old to a "chastity ball."

Eep. Don't get me wrong, everyone's personal life is their own. If a girl wants to wait until she's married to have sex, fantastic! I just don't think she should have to broadcast it to her father or anyone else if she doesn't want to. That's just one chick's opinion, though.

[rahmota]

I'll agree that this is rather wierd and creepy. Somehow I'm not surprised by this though. The evanelicals like to try and pull the old holier than thou publicity stunt quite frequently.Didnt they ever hear the parable about pride goeth before the all?.

Wonder how many of those virginity pledges actually last though?

Ps. What's so bad about being old fashioned enough to take an interest in your child's life? I'll agree this sort of thing is goign a bit too far with the whole issue but a parent should still at least be able to talk with their child about this, at an appropriate age and level.

Oh and I am a redneck and i do plan on being the redneck dad with the shotgun Although my daughter will probably kick their butts if they get out of line on her own anyhow.

[AFPheonix]

I'm just happy that there's a lot of dads out there willing to stay involved in their daughter's lives and outwardly showing that they care for them.
Maybe it's because I grew up in an environment more like this, so it's not particularly shocking to me. (My father didn't do any of this stuff with me or my sisters, but that's fine). While mentally healthy for the girls in some ways, in that they are less likely to have sex before they're mentally and emotionally mature enough for it, it does kind of keep them in this weird naive state.
As the father of the 7 year old daughter mentioned, the ball for him was less about keeping her from having sex than it was a bonding experience. I also suspect it was more for his benefit, to pledge to stay involved in her life and love her no matter what. I frankly was more disturbed by the 25 year old woman in the opening who apparently is still a virgin. Did she not go to college or something?
The other thing that is interesting to me is the lack of opportunities for a mother/son dance in the same vein. That strikes me as a tad sexist. Shouldn't the same amount of energy be invested in males treating women well?

At the church I used to attend before I got booted, there were several couples who made their first kiss their wedding kiss. A lot of people lauded that, much like they would laud the girls who, at high school graduation, would state their intent to get married and have babies. Not a whole lot of mention for girls like me with intentions to go study science. (As is was, church members either tended to get glassy eyed when I'd tell them what classes I was taking, or would attempt to enter a Creation/Evolution debate with me....sigh....)

[rahmota]

yeah I'm happy to see dad's staying involved with their children. I'm trying to do so with mine. The way the church has it set up is a bit odd. And now that you mention it a mother son version would be a ood idea as well. Unless they actually are going for the old fashioned father protects the daughter and the daughter obeys the father midevil style. Either that or they feel that the female drives are more dangerous than the males.

[Ryu]

While I dont think its necessary for a girl to pledge it to her father instead of keeping it private, I also support the idea
In addition, it keeps the tradition of courting alive because anyone who wants to be involved in a relationship with her has to get her dads permission, which when it is possible I think is a great idea
I know most people wont agree with me but thats how I see it

[BusBus]

Personally, I don't there is anything wrong with saving your virginity for marriage. Granted, that was not the path that I chose, but it is one that I do have respect for. The whole chastity ball thing kinda weirds me out, though.

[Rubystars]

While I agree with virginity before marriage as a moral principle, that event is way too creepy! It implies that the daughter is somehow the property of her father and has to get his permission to explore her own sexuality. That's an awfully sexist thing in my opinion.

[squall]

Virginity until marriage.....way too much trouble if you ask me.

[Ryu]

would you say the same thing if there was a similar program for guys to do the same thing?

[blas87]

I always say you're a fool to buy the clothes without trying them on first...gotta try out the merchandise to make sure it works for you!

Sorry, maybe laughter wasn't what everyone needed right now. It's a tough subject. Ultimately, the daughter herself should make that desicision, and rely on both of her parents (or parent if one is deceased or not in the picture) for guidance and support with such a mature decision.

I think forcing to pledge virginity to your father would be like my mother trying to hide me under the sex rock. No sex till you're 40. Look what happened? No success.

[DesignFox]

To me, the point of having such events should be more about staying involved with your daughter.

I don't think the event should hinge on the idea of controlling her sexuality. While everyone is entitled to believe what they want regarding abstinence and what have you, I think you are setting your kids up for future embarrassment or failure by having them pledge chastity in front of their fathers and entire congregation. Frankly, unless your child is endangering herself, and more-so when she turns 18, it is none of your business whether or not she is having sex; it certainly is not anyone else's business- ever. That is something that is private- only public if the person chooses to share.

Also, I find it disturbing that half of these kids are too young to really understand what is going on, or what they are even signing on to. If you are an adult, and you wish to pledge to the entire population on the planet that you will remain a virgin until the day you DIE that is within your rights. But forcing a 4 year old to take a chastity oath, when she doesn't even know what sex IS? That sits the wrong way with me.

Let's make it about Daddy's looking out for their little girls, rather than worrying about who she may or may not sleep with and then I'll give it the thumbs up. Educating and protecting your children is precisely what needs doing. Offering advice and solutions and helping your children make wise decisions on their own is the way they will learn best.

Forcing your choices onto your chlidren and sheltering them from the realities of the world-- That is how we end up with abortions, babies in garbage cans and scared little girls out on the streets.

Involved Daddies who educate their daughters rather than make the decisions for them, often don't have those problems arise because their girls will feel comfortable talking to them and seeking help from them. And likely, they'll make more informed decisions about sex to begin with- or even choose the abstinence path on their own! I know people who have done it- without having to announce it to the world.

And I DO think their should be similar bonding events for mothers and their sons. All children need their parent's presence and guidance.

My other beef with these chastity balls is the use of the term "pure" to describe virginity. What the hell is that supposed to mean? A woman is now "dirty" because she is sexually active? That's just fucking damaging. Let's get over this ancient bullshit. Sex is part of life. Deal with it. People who have sex aren't any more or less "pure" than those who do not.

[Rubystars]

would you say the same thing if there was a similar program for guys to do the same thing?

Once someone is an adult, then it's up to them to decide what to do as far as sexuality goes, whether they're male or female.

[rahmota]

I'll say this again: What CONSENTING ADULTS do with their lives and their bodies and with whom they do it is their business and their business only.

A parents duty is to teach, protect and prepare their children for becoming adults to the best of their ability. This whole virginity pledge thing is a bit wonky at best and downright wierd at worst. But if it helps a parent be involved in their child's life and is not used as an excuse to smother and dominate their child then it can't do much more harm than many other things the church and people in general do. Or if it does then the child will have to deal with that when they become and adult and either stand or fall on their own.

[Luna]

I can understand wanting to raise your children to be good and not take risks that could get them into trouble. I can understand that certain religions frown upon having sex before marriage and that is fine for them. But to force it on children who don't know what sex even is yet? that's creepy.

I know a woman that brags about how she was a virgin until she got married (27 yrs old). Good for her. But she won't let it go, and brags about it in a way that attempts to make everyone else look like they are shit on the bottom of her shoe - every chance she gets. Maybe she's yakking it up to make up for all the lost time she wasted. I for one, waited until I met the right guy, was 19 - and I married him. But I didn't waste any years before marriage that's for sure!

As long as no one is yelling at me about how to run my life - like the above girl - it doesn't bother me.