Would you pledge your virginity to your father?

[Banrion]

In response to the original question NO! And he never wanted me to. Both my parents were very open talking to us about sex, and as I got older sometime it was TMI, but neither of my parents ever made it taboo. When I was about 15 and my brother 13, my mother put a "family size" box of condoms in the medicine cabinet, opened the carboard box, and said "Just in case you ever need them. They are already open, so I won't have to know."

I didn't have sex until I was about 16 closer to 17 and I had been dating the guy for 4 years at that point. No, I didn't end up marrying him, but I don't regret it. I am actually a serial monogamist. I have been in 3 relationships, all lasting 4+ years and I am only 25. This current relationship will now last me the rest of my life, and I won't be that 45 year old woman wondering what I am missing.

[SongsOfDragons]

What a lovely way to spend your wedding night. The man, inexperienced, probably swollen, doing nothing to please himself and probably hurting the woman; and she, not even knowing what bit is what, bleeding all over the sheets...wake up next morning in pain and grumpy.

Idiots. Virginity ain't some special certificate. It...doesn't...matter... Wake up and get with the rest of the universe.

[Ryu]

way to be polite and understanding of peoples faiths and beliefs there...
how does it hurt you if some people choose to wait until their wedding night?

[SongsOfDragons]

It doesn't. I can't see sense in their actions, so I leave them to their owwies the next morning and get on with life.

I'm a very blunt person. Usually I will say what I want without dumbing it down.

[powerboy]

If I have a daughter, then I am going to be a Redneck Father. You touch my future daughter in any way, that I do not approve. You deal with me.

[Rapscallion]

Considering where a future daughter would be right now, that would involve ... dealing with you...

Rapscallion

[CancelMyService]

Those "promise your daddy (and God, but mainly your daddy) you won't have sex" events bury the needle on my personal creep-the-hell-out-meter. The ones where they have what looks like a wedding ceremony between daddy and daughter are just too weird for words. Yeah, no one looks forward to their kids becoming sexual active, but there should be limits in your involvment in such matters? Why are some fathers so obsessed with the status of their daughter's hoo-has? There's no way to frame that to where it doesn't come off all sorts of EW.

Also, being raised in an environment where anything sexual is repressed usually doesn't end well. This isn't me being disrespectful of anyone's faith, it's my personal experience with my family. You teach your kids that sex is this big huge ordeal that should be put off as long as possible, and you're either going to end up with a pregnant teen or a 50 year old schoolmarm who's never even clicked her own mouse because she hasn't found that special man yet.

[Boozy]

Rubystars already touched on the sexist thing, but I'd like to put in my two cents.

Pledging one's virginity to either one of your parents is creepy. But what I find especially heinous is the implication that it's usually pledged to the father. This smacks of the worst kind of archaic sexist thinking - that a woman's body belongs to a man, whether it be her father or her husband.

With that said, I wouldn't think any more highly of this practice if girls were asked to swear their virginity to their mothers, either. Girls need to be taught that they are in control of their bodies and what happens to them, no one else. Girls shouldn't be taught that their sexual choices are anyone's responsibility but their own.

[protege]

You teach your kids that sex is this big huge ordeal that should be put off as long as possible, and you're either going to end up with a pregnant teen or a 50 year old schoolmarm who's never even clicked her own mouse because she hasn't found that special man yet.

I second that. I have an uncle who is of the "oh noes, sex is evil" types, and let's just leave it at that. This is the same guy who got upset because his daughters wanted to watch Top Gun with me at Grandma's one night. He didn't say anything until the bar scene, when some of the characters discuss getting laid. At that point, he went *batshit* and made us change the channel. Did I mention that his oldest daughter isn't married, and is having a kid? Oh, and his son just ran out on his wife and 3 kids? He has a *serious* problem with both of those things...so I'm sure lots of sleepless nights are involved

[squall]

It doesn't. I can't see sense in their actions, so I leave them to their owwies the next morning and get on with life.

I'm a very blunt person. Usually I will say what I want without dumbing it down.

Same here. In this politically correct culture, you cannot tell the truth without offending somebody. Sometimes it just needs to be said.

[Seshat]

Both my parents were very open talking to us about sex, and as I got older sometime it was TMI, but neither of my parents ever made it taboo. When I was about 15 and my brother 13, my mother put a "family size" box of condoms in the medicine cabinet, opened the carboard box, and said "Just in case you ever need them. They are already open, so I won't have to know."

That's what I think is better than most of the alternatives. I think another good thing would be for the parent to take the kid to the family doctor, and sign, in front of the kid, a thing saying 'if Kid ever needs or wants medical attention they're too embarassed to talk to me about, I'll pay for whatever they need, and authorise whatever treatment you and Kid agree is necessary'.

I'm strongly in favour of sex education, but in addition to the basic physical stuff, I think sexuality education is also necessary. When I hit the age of experimentation, I knew all sorts of details about gonads and reproductive function: but I didn't know it FELT GOOD.
And I was totally unprepared for the idea that it can become a psychological/emotional bonding thing.

Instead of vague hints about sex being simultaneously dirty and quasi-religious, why on earth not just tell kids that sex can be anything from mildly feel-good to a mind-blowingly intense bonding experience; and that the chances of it being the latter are way, way better when you're with a long-term partner who knows you and cares about you, and who you know and care about.

And that the chances of it being a traumatic, horrible experience are very, very good if you're with someone who you don't really want touching you: so if you mean no, SAY IT.

I dunno. I just think we're really weird in how we treat sex and sexuality, and that kids would be best off if we actually gave them the information and resources they need to handle it well.

As for 'pledging one's virginity to one's parent': ewwww. It'd be a lot less creepy to pledge it to one's future spouse. One's parent is for teaching about sex in the theoretical and abstract, not .. to be promised one's sexuality.

[Greenday]

Personally, my belief is if you are going to lose your virginity, make sure it's with someone special. Not some random person while drunk at a party or with someone well known for putting out. But to go so far as to pledge your virginity to your parents? I can't even fathom that.

I honestly don't feel your virginity is as huge a thing as some people make it. Life as we know it won't end because you had sex before marriage. If two consenting people want to have some fun, there's nothing wrong with that, especially if they are being safe about it.

[HowMayIHelpMe?]

This is so gross. A dady going to a prom with her father, and the whole thing being some kind of a demonstration of her purity?

When I was a high school boy, I was not looking for a girl with "purity". And what's more, I was definitely wanting to get rid of my own virginity. Such an albatross, that. And had there been at the time some kind of equally gross-ass phenomenon of young guys pledging to their mothers to "remain chaste", I would have thrown myself bodily right through the nearest plate-glass window before I said yes to anything like that.

[AdminAssistant]

Erm. Ew.

I talked about allll of that kind of stuff with my Mom. And when I'd been dating someone for 4 months, and I was 16, she just asked me, "So, have you two had sex yet?" I said yes and she called the doctor to put me on birth control. That was pretty much the end of the discussion, beyond, "Let's not tell Dad" (because he would've freaked the hell out)

And not only do girls need to learn to say no when they feel uncomfortable, boys need to learn that when a girl says 'no' to BACK OFF. And if they don't back off, girls need to know that a fistful of car keys to the crotch is a perfectly acceptable response.

Having sex is a huge ordeal emotionally (at least for girls, I can't speak for guys - since I have a uterus and all). Women DO bond with people they have sex with. It's how we're biologically programmed. It isn't something to be taken lightly - and Sex in the City is a big, fat, dirty LIE.

[Sylvia727]

Talk about your Electra complexes (the father-daughter equivalent of the Oedipus complex). I find it terrifying, for all the reasons mentioned above, but particularly because this practice uses peer pressure to reinforce in the girl's mind that she and her sexuality belong to her father. And any way that he might choose to abuse this ownership, either physically or emotionally, she is less likely to resist because if everyone else is doing it, then she must be the one who has trouble thinking straight. Make no mistake, this can be an emotional ownership too.

Where does this lead? Having pledged her "purity" to her father, can she not marry if daddy dearest doesn't approve of her groom? Is her "flower" a physical possession the rights to which she has now surrendered in exchange for...what? Daddy's unconditional love and approval? He's just proven to her that she is only worthwhile if she is pure, and that making decisions Daddy doesn't agree with would make her unclean.

And while I do find it telling that there are no parallel proms for mothers and sons, the undertones of violence, control, and incest would be no less prevalent in those.