Asking Her Father Before Proposing

[tropicsgoddess]

My ex-boyfriend S did ask my father for his blessing to have my hand in marriage when we were dating. My father and mother were over the moon, especially since they're both old school kind of people. I agree with Akasa with it being taken as a sign of respect, even thought it's an old fashioned kind of tradition. But to me, I'll still marry my SO with or without my father's blessing, because I'M the one that's marrying him and nobody else. Everybody is entitled to their opinions, but what it really comes down to is if both people in the relationship want to marry and make a commitment to one another. ETA: For the record, we didn't break up due to him asking for my dad's blessing to marry me, but for other reasons that won't be disclosed.

[guywithashovel]

I know that there are quite a few parents on this forum. Would any of you expect this from your daughter's suitors? Would you be upset if some guy proposed to your daughter without seeking your blessing or permission beforehand?

[powerboy]

Nobody honestly thinks a dad owns his adult daughter. It's a show of respect, and a nod to tradition, that's all. It is a good way to show the inlaws that the potential husband has good intentions and to win brownie points.

It is all about respect. It should be an honor that the guy has courage to go up to the dad and ask for his daughters hand in marriage. But then again I am old fashioned.

[Greenday]

It is all about respect. It should be an honor that the guy has courage to go up to the dad and ask for his daughters hand in marriage. But then again I am old fashioned.

I still don't like the idea that's it's only the dad you should ask permission from.

[powerboy]

I still don't like the idea that's it's only the dad you should ask permission from.

Who says that you cannot ask the mother?

[katie kaboom]

Who says that you cannot ask the mother?

Yeah but when is that ever done? You never hear about a guy asking the mother for her permission/blessing. It's always the father. Probably because when this tradition started, men "owned" their daughters. But in this feminist world we've moved far beyond that idea. Which i'm sure is why so many people these days balk at the whole idea.

[powerboy]

Yeah but when is that ever done? You never hear about a guy asking the mother for her permission/blessing. It's always the father. Probably because when this tradition started, men "owned" their daughters. But in this feminist world we've moved far beyond that idea. Which i'm sure is why so many people these days balk at the whole idea.

That is true. When I purposed to my ex, I just straight up asked her father. Her mom was in the room, but I am a traditionalist. I guess, if she does not have a father, then the mother could be asked.

[thrifty]

My husband asked/told my mom he was marrying me. He said he did it out of respect for both me and her. Now if she would have said no he would have still married me, but I think it was special to her that he did ask her.

I think it made her feel involved in the whole process which she loved and I appreciated.

[anriana]

I think the male's feelings towards it should be given equal consideration. If a male wants to and the female is indifferent, or the female wants it done and the male is indifferent, the male should go ahead and ask, or both should ask both parents - whatever it is that the one partner is gungho about. But if one party is opposed and one is for it, they should sit down and talk it over and maybe come to a compromise of the couple talking to both sets of parents or something.

It does become more of an issue when it's a beforehand "I'm going to surprise your daughter with a proposal but first I wanted to ask you for her hand" issue. If that's something the guy wants to do, he should consider how he thinks the woman would react to it and, again, consider some kind of compromise if he felt she would be opposed to it.

In my case, any guy who had gotten to that stage with me would damn well know how opposed I was to - but as I've said, my view is atypical.

[Flyndaran]

The answer to nearly every relationship question is.... it depends upon those involved.

[guywithashovel]

Would any of you who have kids---daughters, especially---be offended if one of your kids' suitors proprosed without consulting you first? Would you be offended if an engagement was made official without your knowledge?