Women homemakers

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Frankly, I can't wrap my mind around people whose life goal is to only be an employee to their boss.

.

Thank you.

I have done both. I have worked like a dog my entire life punching The Man's timeclock.

Got laid off in February. Now I'm a housefrau. Frankly, I love it and wish I'd quit my job years ago. After decades of slaving away for a few bucks while my personal life falls into neglect and my house stays filthy and in disrepair, I work for my family. And yes, it's amazingly fulfilling.

I liked my job quite a bit. Still, selling my time for money began to feel very, very desperate to me. Even for good pay.

I'm actually busier than I was before I got laid off.

Here's my current job description:

Take care of three year old. This means get up and make her breakfast, do school lessons for a bit, play with her, read to her, dress her, make her lunch, set her up with her nap. Take her to daycare at least once a week so I have a free day to do freelance work on.

Clean house: a never ending job with a child. Too many chores to list here. I also have a fifty five foot long deck included in this "housecleaning" thing. So you have to add sweeping, mildew-removal and cleaning of furniture, and pruning deck plantings.

Yardwork: Mowing, pruning, weeding, raking, sweeping. Doing some serious landscaping in the back. The front is next. My back is killing me.

Errands: Running to post office at least once a week for husband.

Shopping for food and supplies. Also, managing large purchases (such as large appliances, like the fridge I just ordered)

Home repair: we are in a state of constant home improvement so there is painting, drywall work, various installations such as moldings and whatnot that I am doing.

Laundy: I have a child. It never freaking ends. This includes repair, sewing buttons, fixing zippers, etc.

Managing contractors and deliverymen. Have some coming in next week.

Freelance graphic work: husband is converting his digital comic for an iPhone application (ComiXology) and basically hired me to convert the files for him. Also, various small jobs I pick up here and there.

InLaw's house: Run upstate every couple weeks to clean elderly inlaw's ginormous house (long story, but they pay me)


I have an unemployed friend with no kids who probably works as hard as I do. If you think either of us is sitting around on our asses, think again. I've actually lost a bunch of weight. I've literally worked it off.


Is my husband supporting me? Yes. I'm supporting him by taking care of ourhome life while he earns our money. He comes home to a clean house with supper cooking. Instead of two frazzled, harried people coming off the job and frantically trying to squeeze in supper, child care time, and prep for the next day, you have two people enjoying some quality family time in a nice environment.

Frankly, this ROCKS.

Here's the difference between being supported and being independent. I had a career, and I could have one again. I have skills, a kickass resume, and a portfolio. I am not dependent on my husband. I can make my own way. However, right now, this is what we choose and it's working out great for everyone.

It's not about women asserting themselves by having a career. It's about women asserting themselves by having a CHOICE.

[DesignFox]

Well said Kinkoid. I think the biggest problem is as has been said- society judging us by the size of our paychecks.

I've known people on both ends of the spectrum- STAHM and working mom.

They both, frankly, work their freaking asses off.

I think the problem also is in the fact that something can happen to the other partner, and then what?

Let's face it, if you haven't had a job in over 5 years, and your husband (or wife) suddenly dies...what do you do?

Many employers will not hire people with little, no, or not recent experience. You can get a job, sure. But another soaring career? Meh. Who knows.

Lots of these people who aspire to be stay at home parents don't have kick ass resumes. So they are truly lost if they no longer have a partner to support them.

It's a tough world out there. And also, at least in my state, you can't often support a household on one income. Expenses are far too high.

My dad struggled for a bit when my mother died. Fortunately, they had life insurance coverage and he invested it well...his home business blossomed and we were all ok. But it was ROUGH for awhile. Don't know what he would have done if I wasn't at least old enough to take care of myself...and old enough to help care for the handful of a 2 year old my brother was....and I KNOW my Dad worked HARD. My parents both worked when I was a kid. But my Dad really worked when it was just him and no more extra help from Mom.

Anyway- it's all a balance. I say that as long as the family unit is functioning, kids are taken care of, and the parents are satisfied with the state of things- no one has the right to tell them to do otherwise.

Granted, I won't have *sympathy* for a STAHM who has a nanny doing everything for her and all she does is shop and get her nails done, but then complains she has "no time" for anything else....but hey, if that's the life her husband gives her...who am I to say it's wrong? His problem, not mine!

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Someone who says "my life goal is to be a stay at home mother" is the type of person who would focus on the june cleaver wife/mother aspect of it.




.

I think this is a pretty broad, unfair statement to make. I have often said I would love to do this. I am a professional woman, or at least I was, and for years, I often considered how nice this lifestyle might be.

I assure you, I am not, nor do I aspire to be, June Cleaver. People aspire to/choose to stay at home for many, many reasons. Most of them don't do it so they can sit around and look pretty.

It's worthy, important work, folks. And make no mistake that work it is.

[Boozy]

One has to have a paycheck in order to be independent, unless they are independently wealthy. Stay at home mothers or fathers may be strong, but they are not independent unless they are heirs or trust funders or live on a farm.

Actually, that's untrue. Half of my husband's paycheck is mine. Half of mine is his. Our assets are OUR assets, regardless of whose name was on the paycheck when it was cashed. It's called community property. If the working half of the couple is considered independent, then so is the stay-at-home partner.

Of course, in many cases, neither half of the couple is truly independent; they depend on each other for all sorts of things. And there's nothing wrong with that. Division of labour improves our lives when done well.

[Flyndaran]

I'm male and I want to be a stay at home mom.
Us never having kids and being poor makes that rather unlikely for the future.

[blas87]

I meant no insults towards SAHMs who love what they do, and I never meant to insinuate that they don't work hard in what they do.

Both ways are equal.....whether mom works or stays at home, because if she's at home, she's devoted to the home and the care of it.

I just wanted to make it clear that that would not be my cup of tea at all.

One day, I'd love to own my own business. I don't want to work for "the man" forever, nor do I want to work for the disgusting company that I currently work at for the rest of my life. Of course, I need to go to school first and pick what I want to do, then go from there.

Although, to me, no matter how much I hate my job or how much I want to kill higher-ups or coworkers....I feel so accomplished, knowing that every single penny I earned was because of me coming to work. Me working for me, my own income. Call it selfish, but I really don't think it is.

And I like to share....which is why I think the idea of SAHMs IS fair, but at the same time, I'd love to be able to share the responsibility of paying the bills with my husband/life partner. While ideally, I'd love to never have to worry about bills or paying them and always be comfortably rich, obviously that will most likely not happen.....so I'm going to have to work to pay my bills.

I can honestly say I don't think I'd quit working completely if I did marry into good money or if the times were different and one income would suffice....I just wouldn't feel right. I've worked since I was a freshman in high school.....as much as I'd love to not have to abide by a grueling schedule or try to plan my whole social life around work, it just doesn't feel right to not work.

I've been laid off three times in my entire working career......granted all of them were temporary furloughs and only lasted a week or two each time....I got so bored not working. I may bitch and complain about my job until I'm blue in the face and everyone is rolling their eyes and groaning....but I DID miss it.

God help me....

[Gravekeeper]

I may bitch and complain about my job until I'm blue in the face and everyone is rolling their eyes and groaning....but I DID miss it.

God help me....

Ugh, I'm the same. Even when I just go on vacation. 4 or 5 days in I'll start to get twitchy because I feel unproductive.

That said, whatever works for the couple in question, its none of my business. Though I would raise my eyebrow at someone that stayed at home as a "maid" so to speak in that they would cook, clean, but had no kids and no career interests outside of that. That would give me pause as it'd seem like that person was wasting their life to a degree.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Well, you know, if I were sitting around all day not working or achieving anything, it would get pretty boring pretty fast. But that's not what is going on. I am doing productive work. I am improving my entire familie's life for the better, and really, isn't that why anyone works in or out of the home?

What am I giving to society? A succesful, non-stressed out, happy web developer husband and a child who will be raised with manners and education, and with a good work ethic who sees the value in others.

Like I said, it's not like I don't work. I work. I just dont' earn what I did before.

[kiwi]

Everything in her life revolved around US. And now that we are both grown and moved...she doesn't have anything and she's had a very hard time adjusting.

My mother started working when I was 15 and got my DL and a car but I totally understand her life revolving around us.
It is a lot of pressure to put on a teenager when you are trying to assert your independance. She didn't have much in her own life because there wasn't the money and by the time she could finally afford hobbies or a social life it was too late, her body is so broken down she cant physically do much anymore anyway.

My mother struggles with loneliness and I feel very guilty about that, she never remarried and most likely never will so who there for her everyday? She really hates coming home to a dark cold house with no one to ask her how her day went, no one bringing her soup when she is sick. It breaks my heart when I hear her talk about it. Espeically when I can't count on my only sibiling to make sure she is okay.

[tropicsgoddess]

I can see if a woman does it to look after the family/kids, but if it's just a woman and her man in a relationship, that's just dumb. But that's just me, I prefer to have my own money and be independent and not have to beg for money from any man.

[Flyndaran]

I can see if a woman does it to look after the family/kids, but if it's just a woman and her man in a relationship, that's just dumb. But that's just me, I prefer to have my own money and be independent and not have to beg for money from any man.

I have severe anxiety and social phobia issues. In a way, I am the stay at home "wife". My long term partner works, but it's mainly family that helps support us. But my love muffin would love to make enough money to keep me her "house bitch" as she calls it.

[Boozy]

I prefer to have my own money and be independent and not have to beg for money from any man.

I'm beginning to wonder what kind of marital relationships you've all been exposed to. They sound very unhealthy to me.

I have never "begged" money from my husband. If I need money, I go to the bank and make a withdrawal from our account, just like he does. That's how healthy marital partnerships work.

[MaggieTheCat]

Well, the reason I asked in the first place was because I just moved in with my boyfriend...and currently I'm not working. Not because I can't find a job, but because we both wanted to try the "housewife" thing on my part. So far I love it, however, I do feel like I don't do enough (I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. but as some people have pointed out, for 2 people that still isn't all that much.) He's still fine with it even though I'm not pulling any income in at the moment, but I think I will eventually look for a part-time job. Part of the reason why I haven't looked yet is because I really want to be available to go home to Wisconsin occasionally to see my friends/family (I lived in Wisconsin for 25 years, all my life, before moving in with my boyfriend in Texas, and all my family is in Wisconsin.) And after I get a job, I won't be able to do that nearly as easily.

And, I have a pretty decent amount of money saved up, so I do buy some of the groceries etc. and I pay my own bills, for the moment.

[AFPheonix]

There's probably some really good volunteer activities you could hook up with if you don't want a part time job. At lease that way, you'll hook in with a social group in the area too.

[tropicsgoddess]

I'm beginning to wonder what kind of marital relationships you've all been exposed to. They sound very unhealthy to me.

I have never "begged" money from my husband. If I need money, I go to the bank and make a withdrawal from our account, just like he does. That's how healthy marital partnerships work.

It's not that I've been exposed to unhealthy relationships, it's the fact that I personally hate asking others for money when I'm capable of earning it myself. Even when I'm down and out (financially) it kills me to have to do that. Flyndaran, I like the house bitch title btw! lol