Women homemakers

[Boozy]

But I (and many women who are supported full or in part by their partners) don't have to ask for money at all. It's there for my use just as it is there for his. My husband does not ask me for permission to make a withdrawal from our account, nor do I ask him (although we do consult each other on unexpected or unusual purchases to make sure there are no accidents involving overdraft).

I earn my share by contributing to the well-being of household...and there are ways to contribute that don't involve paychecks from outside sources.

[JuniorMintz]

I'm 27 years old, married for 3 1/2 years (together for close to 10), and I work full time as an optician (which, sucky patients aside, I actually enjoy). Although I do have a 2 year degree, I recently went back to school to start working on my B.A. This is going to take a pretty freaking long time, even longer since there's no money for CAL Grants anymore, so in the meanwhile, I and my husband are working our asses off to earn as much money as we can, pay off our bills, save for a house, *and* somehow save some money for me to finish college.

This is my life, but believe me, there is NOTHING more that I want than a modest home, a couple of babies, and a few years to stay at home and raise them. I'm crushed that it hasn't happened for me yet, to be honest. Everyone around me is having babies, and I might as well have a rock where my uterus is supposed to be.

Still, it's for the best, since I would prefer my child have it's own room as opposed to stowing it in my closet.

I *want* to learn to bake cookies that don't turn out like flat, crunchy pancakes.

I *want* to fix skinned knees with a Hello Kitty band-aid and a kiss.

I *want* to miss the show that I like because the kids want to watch Go Diego Go! before school.

I *want* to finish scrubbing the bathrooms, shopping for groceries, and cleaning the floors before my husband gets home. (I'm no slave though, HE can do the laundry and the heavy yard work!)

My paychecks go into our joint checking account, same as his, and if I ever do get to stay home, I will take money *out* of it as needed because my husband is not my boss, he's my partner. I've never begged him for anything (out of the sack, anyways. )

If you still want to call me June Cleaver for this, fine. Still, it's pretty arrogant to assume that my (or Boozy, or Kinkoid, or IDrinkARum, or my mum, or my sister in law, or any of the other thousands of SAHM's) desire to stay home and care for my household makes me lazy or somehow less of a person.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

JuniorMintz, thank you. A lot of women don't have the guts to say what you did. They get a rash of shit when they express a desire to be what you described.

I'll give you some advice on how to make it happen. Get in the habit of living well below your means. This does not mean you live in squallor or poverty. It means you don't HAVE to have the biggest and best of everything. If you make sure you are not "house poor" or "car poor" or whatever, you'll find that eventually, you will start being able to worry less about paying for your lifestyle and enjoying your life and getting ahead.

Adjust to one paycheck, not two. Pretend that only one of you is working, even though you both may be. It will happen for you.

[JuniorMintz]

Thanks RK. I wouldn't be surprised if I still catch a shit storm, but oh well.

Although the truth is, we lived beyond our means before we got married, made stupid purchases (like a new truck, even though the car was not too far from being paid off, although in all fairness he bought the damn thing before we got engaged so I didn't have any say in the matter at the time, LOL). We are *still* paying for our past stupid mistakes, check by check.

Still, the lesson's been learned, the bills are getting paid, and I'm discovering that some of my favorite things in life cost little to nothing. (Naps are free, and balls of yarn are for the most part pretty cheap. )

And after this, I will NEVER make the same mistake again. I want a car that runs, a modest home (not a McMansion), and a yard for two kids and a puppy. No frills, no unnecessary debt.

Oh, and before I forget, if a guy wants to be a stay at home dad, all power to him, although he has my sympathy because it's hard enough lately for a CHICK to come out and say she wants to be a SAHM... how much harder for a guy?

[Teysa]

Personally, I absolutely despise housework. June Cleaver, I ain't. If I could afford it, I'd pay someone else to do the cleaning. With that said, I have nothing but admiration for a woman who stays home and makes things pleasant for her husband and children (if they have them) either because she enjoys it or out of love for them.

[IDrinkaRum]

I never ask my husband for money. I find that assumption very odd.

We have a joint account. We each have a debit card that is also a credit card. We can use that for purchases and withdrawls from the ATM. I only ask him to check our bank account to make sure we have enough $$ in the bank to cover a $40 withdrawl from the ATM so I don't go around cashless. Besides that, I don't say "I need money honey."

One of my favorite authors is J. D. Robb. She writes mysteries based in the near future (I believe the current book takes place in like 2060 or thereabouts). In this society, Stay-at-home-mothers are considered to be "Professional Mothers" and are given a stipend by the government.

I'm looking into taking cooking classes for "personal enrichment" and I have to get back into the bathroom cleaning groove.

[anriana]

If getting a degree is such a hassle why go through with that if you're just going to stay home and scrub the bathroom floor?

[AdminAssistant]

If getting a degree is such a hassle why go through with that if you're just going to stay home and scrub the bathroom floor?

I'm not JM, so I can only guess here...but a sense of accomplishment? Besides, the kiddies won't be home forever, and it's a fact that higher education = more, better paying jobs.

Everyone who desires to be a SAHM or SAHD should have a Plan B, just in case their breadwinner loses his or her job or becomes incapacitated in some way. And, well, I know everyone hopes for the best in a spouse or significant other, but I've known many people who got married to a great person, totally in love, couple of kids, and then that person becomes an alcoholic, becomes abusive, bangs the secretary, etc. Gotta have something to fall back on.

[MaggieTheCat]

I'm not JM, so I can only guess here...but a sense of accomplishment? Besides, the kiddies won't be home forever, and it's a fact that higher education = more, better paying jobs.

Everyone who desires to be a SAHM or SAHD should have a Plan B, just in case their breadwinner loses his or her job or becomes incapacitated in some way. And, well, I know everyone hopes for the best in a spouse or significant other, but I've known many people who got married to a great person, totally in love, couple of kids, and then that person becomes an alcoholic, becomes abusive, bangs the secretary, etc. Gotta have something to fall back on.

Agreed. And no matter what the reason, more education is NEVER a bad thing. Maybe she just wants to learn more about whatever she's going to school for, even though she may never actually use it at a job. And no matter what kind of degree/education you get, it always looks good on a resume, even if the job you're applying for has absolutely nothing to do with whatever you went to school for. It shows an employer that you have the ability to follow through with a long commitment.

[Flyndaran]

Agreed. And no matter what the reason, more education is NEVER a bad thing. ....

I have to play devil's advocate for this one. Education costs time and money with the hope that it will result in more money and benefits than it took to get it. That is not always the case.
Unless you meant it in a philosophical personal enrichment kind of way...

[AFPheonix]

I think she meant that there is always the benefit of having more knowledge, even if you don't necessarily benefit monetarily. There are other intangible benefits to more schooling.

Besides, I know quite a few SAHMs who run businesses out of their homes while handling all the other things they do with their kids and homes. That takes a certain amount of business knowledge to handle, and I find it quite admirable.

[JuniorMintz]

Not that it matters, but I'm going back to school because I eventually want to teach (K-6, preferably). When I'm done, I'll be the first person in my family to get my B.A, which will be awesome.

But I guess you're right, I should save my time and money since I'd be just as happy scrubbing floors anyway. I want to spend as much time at home as possible raising my children so I MUST not have any personal ambition, right? I didn't know that wanting to stay home with my family for as long as possible made me an embarrassment to females everywhere, but thanks for letting me know.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

If getting a degree is such a hassle why go through with that if you're just going to stay home and scrub the bathroom floor?

Well, that's nice. So nice to see women supporting other women's choices and ambitions.

You know, here's what a lot of women, particularly young women, forget: Back in the bad old days, when women had to fight for every single bit of respect they got, they weren't fighting just so they could go out and work in an office every day. They weren't lobbying and protesting and doing jail time so they could stop being women. What they were doing was trying to earn for themselves the opportunity to make choices and garner respect for same that any human being should be able to expect.

So you would make different choices. Isn't it awesome that you have the opportunity to make those choices? I think it's kind of sucky to disparage another woman's choices just because they are not what you would hope for yourself.

I scrub a lot of bathroom floors. I have three and my inlaws have five. I am educated and quite good at what I do, be it graphic design or tidying up a crapper. I get quite a bit of satisfaction out of either job, probably because I'm not judging myself by how well I'm following some dumb agenda.

[JuniorMintz]

<snip>
I scrub a lot of bathroom floors. I have three and my inlaws have five. I am educated and quite good at what I do, be it graphic design or tidying up a crapper. I get quite a bit of satisfaction out of either job, probably because I'm not judging myself by how well I'm following some dumb agenda.

Dude, I wish I could reach through the internet and give you a big ol' hug right now. Seriously.

I guess it's all fine and dandy to be a strong woman until you go against the grain and let slip that you think Suzy Homemaker can be pretty frickin' cool- that just makes some women's lib chicks crazy.

[blas87]

I'm not a feminiazi or a bleeding heart woman's lib by any means. I'm just not the type of girl who wants to stay at home.

End of story.

I guess no one is even listening to those of us who don't give a flying fig about what other people choose, and are just trying to get it out that we want to be career women or breadwinners.......and aren't afraid to go for it.