"You're pregnant, not dying..."

[Ree]

A thread on CS got a little heated earlier, so I thought I would start this thread over here.

It was suggested that many women use their pregnancies as an excuse to get off easy when it comes to work, or that they expect special treatment.

It was also pointed out that, for some women, pregnancy is not such a Hallmark card moment, and they are not malingering and playing the "pregnancy" card, but actually experiencing very real symptoms that keep them from performing to their full potential at work.

For some, who have never been pregnant, it's probably very easy to dismiss it, but having come through a difficult pregnancy, myself, I do know that it's not so easily dismissed as just an excuse.

I had Hyperemesis gravidarum, which is basically, vomiting excessively to the point of hospitalization. (I lost 15 lbs while I was pregnant, gained back only 16 in the last few minths, and was actually 13 lbs lighter after the baby than I was before I got pregnant.)

It was when I was in premature labour that they discovered the tumour on my sciatic nerve. At the time, they had no idea what it was, but the baby was pressing on it anyway, which then explained why I had been experiencing constant severe back and leg pain.

I lost a lot of work in my first few months, but after the extreme vomiting passed, and I was actually able to make it through a workday, I worked right up until about 3 days before I delivered. I was in so much pain.
I had to take a couple of days off.

TMI Moment
I'm sure it was the pressure from the baby on the tumour that was contributing to it. I'm pretty sure the tumour was pressing into the walls of the cervix, causing the pressure and extreme pain.
/TMI Moment

What I didn't know was that my labour was probably starting, but because it was 6 weeks early, I had no idea.

Anyway, my point is, I was not using my pregnancy as an excuse to get out of work. I worked in a deli connected to the meat department, and my nausea made it very hard to deal with the smells and sights.

Maybe some women use it as an excuse, but not everyone does, and it's unfair to generalize all pregnant women because of a few.

Pregnant women experience some very unpleasant things:
nausea and vomiting (as I mentioned)
heartburn, indigestion, gas, constipation
extreme fatigue (this is true in the early stages, and as the baby develops, it is true again, as the mother often has trouble sleeping comfortably)
frequent urination requiring many bathroom breaks
hemorrhoids
varicose veins
mood changes
dizziness
leg cramps
high blood pressure
extreme clumsiness that makes normal tasks more difficult
forgetfulness

What I want to know is, why is it so wrong for a pregnant woman to excuse herself because she may not be up to par, suffering some very real physical and mental discomforts, and why is she labelled as using her pregnancy, when it's perfectly fine for some women to use their monthly period as an excuse and act as if they are suffering some disease every month?

What's the difference?

The same people who make the point that women have been giving birth for years and it's a normal part of life, or go on about about our pioneer women giving birth and plowing a field within a day, are often the very people who will then call in because they are experiencing very bad cramps and suffering from PMS.
Funny...those brave women popping out the babies and plowing the fields never heard of PMS, either.

Oh...and why should pregnant women in a difficult pregnancy (not a high risk one) be expected to stop working completely, when they are able to contribute to some degree, but just need a few modifications?
They are usually planning to return to their jobs after the baby is born, so why give up on a job or use all the sick leave when they can work around the problems and still make a valuable contribution to the workplace?

I know I have a pretty strong work ethic and I couldn't have stood to take a leave for the whole time. As it was, it killed me to be missing as much work as I did.

[AFPheonix]

Like I mentioned on the thread in CS, one of my coworkers experienced a difficult pregnancy and delivery, and a nearly fatal event a few weeks after delivery.
Seriously, it's just 9 months. I'd rather the soon-to-be mom be careful and deliver a healthy baby successfully than for her to try to go beyond what she's capable of and suffer the consequences, real or imagined.

[Greenday]

Not all women want special treatment? Who are you trying to kid? lol.

Well, I've never been pregnant, and I kinda hope I never become pregnant for multiple reasons. I don't want to have back pain, I don't need to gain any weight, I don't feel like dealing with cravings for bizarre foods, etc. But most of all, I don't want to try to squeeze a baby out of that extremely small hole in my...tool. Men just aren't cut out for giving birth.

[Boozy]

People are too quick to judge others. Some women have good pregnancies and feel better than ever (my mom had four of these pregnancies; they were the only times in her life she wasn't plagued with migraines). Some women have painful and difficult pregnancies like Ree's. Some women have "easy" pregnancies but have low pain thresholds...but evidence seems to point towards an individual's pain threshold as genetically predetermined. Does this make those women "whiners"? I don't think so. There are just too many factors. No one should pass judgement on the quality of someone's suffering.

People are too quick to say "Oh that's nothing, stop complaining. So-and-so has cancer. Children are starving in Africa. So-and-so was in a car accident. That's REAL suffering." I hate that argument, because the fact that someone may have it worse off doesn't make someone's very real pain disappear. If my husband ever turned to me in the middle of one of my migraine attacks and said, "Quit bitching, my dad has Multiple Sclerosis", my migraine would not disappear. Instead, I would have a migraine AND a horrible case of guilt. Not very helpful, is it?

There is an undercurrent of hostility anytime someone says "Stop complaining, there are children starving in Africa". The intent is not positive: there is never a sense of genuine concern for those African children. Rather, its meant to express a complete LACK of concern towards the problem of the person being addressed. Its a very callous thing to say.

The term "special treatment" has negative connotations too, and I think that's sad. What's wrong with doing something kind and considerate for someone else, regardless of their situation? I'd stay an hour late to let a pregnant woman go home early. Because I would hope that someone would do that for me. It's not "special treatment", its being a decent human being.

[AFPheonix]

Exactly. Are there people who would milk your generosity? Hell yeah, but you know what? That's their karma, not mine.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Just like with mothers, there are some who milk the system for all its worth and sadly, all the people in that group get tarred with the same brush.

[FormerCallingCardRep]

My first two pregnancies were both difficult. I worked up until I went into preterm labor with both of them. Like Ree I had a lot of problems with dehydration. My last was severly high risk with me on complete and total bedrest from the day I found out I was pregnant until the day I delivered eight and a half weeks early with the last five weeks being in the hospital.