Friends with "Benefits"

[lovlybones]

hey everyone, I'm new...lol

Not sure if there has already been a thread about this, but I thought it would be a great topic to talk about and to hear everyone else's opinions about.

I recently have this guy friend who doesn't want a relationship, but we do tons of stuff like we are in a relationship behind closed doors. Other than that we are just really great friends, and if we were in a room full of people, it wouldn't be awkward at all for either of us.

this type of situation makes me feel like i'm being used, but I am also enjoying this type of friends with benefits.

any thoughts about this or any other type of friends with benefits story that ended up working out in the end?

thanks!

[AdminAssistant]

this type of situation makes me feel like i'm being used, but I am also enjoying this type of friends with benefits.

My advice? Get the hell out. Now.

Seriously, I went through a FWB situation for a full year and it took another year before I felt like was worth anything again. I felt used, I felt like a whore...no worse than a whore. Worst of all, I really fell for the guy I was in the relationship with. And when I found out he was also in a FWB situation with a mutual best friend, I couldn't be mad or angry...we were just fuck buddies, after all. No matter that I lost trust in two people who were my best friends.

Get out, and get a vibrator. They're much less trouble, and it'll tide you over until you find someone who wants something more than sex from you.

[kibbles]

In a FWB situation aren't both parities equally using each other??

[powerboy]

Let him know how you feel. He just might have said that he doesn't want one, because he thinks that you don't. He might actually want one

[blas87]

My opinions is that FWB hurt more than they feel good.

It's quite rare that the FWB can go on for a long length of time without one of the two people growing feelings for the other. And most of the time, the feeling is not mutual.

Then you have people like my one friend, who is actively just sleeping around and playing the field, but she gets so upset that these guys DON'T call her to ask how she's doing or invite her out to eat or other little things. Because you're giving them no strings attached sex.....obviously they are not going to care that much about you, duh.

[guywithashovel]

I think most people who do this "friends with benefits" stuff want the benefits of a relationship (e.g. making out, sex) without the dedication of a relationship. They want to be able to keep at least one person in the FWB status while trying out a few others as well.

Now, as long as everyone involved is aware of the entireties of the situation, then there really isn't anything wrong with it. But if you're on the market for something serious, then it's probably not very good.

And I think kibbles raises a good point, too, but the usery may not be evenly distributed.

[blas87]

Exactly, shovel.

If I were persuing a guy and he was just simply honest and said he was playing the field, then I wouldn't waste my time.

I also know better than to expect the world from someone who just wants sex from me.

[katie kaboom]

I did the FWB thing for a year. It did get to the point where I started having feelings for the guy and I knew for certain he didn't feel the same away. I just pulled away and started dating another guy seriously, and while I felt bad for my former FWB, it wasn't that upsetting to walk away from him once I started to develop feelings I didn't want to have. I felt guilty for doing so, but I was relieved at the same time.

FWB can work as long as both people are in agreement about it.

[blas87]

I wouldn't have felt guilty if I were you, katie. When it gets to the point where one person develops feelings and it's pretty obvious that the other doesn't feel the same, I think it's just fine to back out and call it off.

[Nyoibo]

I really don't know much about FWB, but a couple of people I've know in it have seemed fine with it, but it's mutual, they may make a booty call, but their friend does too, if it's just one person doing it then they're just using the other person, it has to be equal.

I seem to end up in the opposite of FWB people always think were in a relationship (hell a couple of people even thought we were married) we do all sorts of relationship type stuff, but no sex.

[MadMike]

I was going to chime in, but Shovel already put it quite well.

The way I see it, as long as everyone involved is a concenting adult and on the same page, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

[Mindflayer]

^ Exactly.


Honestly, you just have to be able to separate sex from love.

If you are not able to completely separate those to concepts, you should not even CONSIDER having a friend with benefits.

[Boozy]

In a FWB situation aren't both parities equally using each other??

Both parties in every relationship, even committed ones, are "using" each other. It only depends on what.

This isn't about Friends with Benefits vs. "Real" relationships. It's about setting ground rules in any relationship. AdminAssistant got hurt because a) They never made it clear that they couldn't screw a mutual friend at the same time as each other, and b) She never left the relationship or informed him of her feelings once they changed. That's why the FWB set-up failed for her.

But it doesn't have to fail for everybody. It just requires complete honesty, both with each other and yourself.

[AdminAssistant]

Exactly, Boozy. That, and I realized (the hard way) that I'm one of those that just can't separate emotions from sex. The two go hand in hand with me....I just can't be physical with someone and not develop some kind of feelings for them.

But, to the OP, if you're already saying that you feel used....you and your FB need to have a talk.

[Flyndaran]

I would really solve a problem if my girlfriend and I were into separating sex from emotions.
Without a sex drive, my gf would feel awful doing it with someone else, even with my blessing.