Friends with "Benefits"

[tropicsgoddess]

Friends With Benefits relationships are a big fat HELL NO in my book. Why? Too much many emotional complications involved for one. Number two, self worth, where the basis of the friendship is about sex and being used for sex. It's not worth it. At All. No matter what they say.

[Boozy]

But not everyone is wired the way you are. Lots of men and women can have these kinds of casual sex relationships without any negative feelings or jealousy whatsoever.

Just because two people are "using" each other for sex doesn't mean there isn't any mutual respect.

It's up to the OP to decide where she falls. Although, her admission that she feels used is a bad sign.

[smileyeagle1021]

you know, there is nothing wrong with a FWB set up as long as everyone involved knows what they are involved in. Yeah, friend sex can make things awkward, but they don't have to. To be honest, I'd rather have friend sex than some random hook up if I'm going to be doing anything outside of a relationship. We're all adults here, so I think I'm not crossing too many lines when I say that yes, my right hand on my *ahem* manhood is nice, but it in no way even comes close to another guy's hand on my manhood and mine on his... and that's not even getting into more intimant acts. So yeah, if everyone goes into it knowing what they are getting into, no one gets hurt (in fact they leave feeling much better).

That said, I know it's not for everyone... hell, I thought it wasn't for me at first, so I'm not going to say there is something wrong with you if you aren't willing to enter that type of situation. It's not my first choice either.

[McDreidel09]

I have had FWBs. For me, they weren't that painful. Sure, I had a bit of a feeling for them, but I realized that it was just animal lust. I had love for them, just not THAT kind of love.

At first, I felt used, but after thinking about it, I realized that I was using them also and that it was just two friends helping each other out.

I only have them when I am not in a relationship. Even if I'm in a relationship, I still at least talk to them, see how they are doing, what's new, etc.

[Boozy]

I've never been in that kind of relationship myself. I love my male friends a great deal, but I'm not sexually attracted to them. The one time that I developed an attraction to a male friend, I married him.

I did once have a casual relationship with someone, but no one would have ever called us "friends." We didn't get along at all.

I've always figured that if you care about someone as a person and you're sleeping with them, you might as well give a dating relationship a shot. But that's just me, YMMV. Some people aren't ready for any kind of commitment whatsoever, even if it's just ""l'll pick you up at 8." In those cases, I suppose a FWB situation would be good for them.

[Slytovhand]

Crap I hate one of the short cuts on this thing... I hit something, and everything deletes!!!

Ok, in short, I've had 3 situations with FWB. One was my first gf... she got feelings I didn't share, so that's why it ended. (well, that and breaking a cardinal rule for living together).

2 - "a friend in need, is a friend in need" certainly takes on a new meaning 15 years later, we're still friends... no change there (but that's not likely to happen again!)

3 - more recently, and it seems she had issues, because she thought I was getting to close!! Ah, no dear, I'm fine thank you. I just happen to enjoy the time we have together, and the comfort and relaxation... Funny - she stopped dropping in when I wanted to re-affirm the 'friendship' side of our relationship, hoping it wasn't all just sex....

Oh well.

They can work, but they may not. Not everyone is emotionally able to deal with it... everyone has a different level of esteem and confidence.. and independance (which is probably a very large part of it... I've been a loner basically all my life - why should this make any difference... )although, I will go with what Boozy sort of intimated... I'd rather marry a person whom I consider a 'friend' ...

Smiley... thanks for the TMI

[Lace Neil Singer]

While I was temporarily split from my boyf (note: I didn't know it was at the time, I thought it was for good), I slept with two of my male mates. No, you dirty minded people, not at the same time. XD Two separate nights and we're still friends.

However, I can't really see how having a friend you sleep with constantly is a good thing if what you want is a relationship. Even if you don't feel that way about your friend and don't want the relationship with them, the FWB is still tying you to them and stopping you from possibly finding someone to be with.

[smileyeagle1021]

Smiley... thanks for the TMI

you're most welcome anytime.
(I did leave out however the stuff that was blatantly across the line rather than just awfully damned close to it )

[Greenday]

However, I can't really see how having a friend you sleep with constantly is a good thing if what you want is a relationship. Even if you don't feel that way about your friend and don't want the relationship with them, the FWB is still tying you to them and stopping you from possibly finding someone to be with.

If you want a relationship with that person, no, it's not a good thing.

But if you are having a friends with benefits relationship with a friend and then meet someone you want to date, you just stop hooking up with your friend. Pretty simple. It's not cheating if you aren't doing anything when you start dating.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Even so, there are a lot of guys who'd be funny about a girl who was fucking her friend. I know that it's a double standard and therefore not fair, but who said life had to be fair? Just like going around spreading your legs for all and sundry will get you labeled a slag, but a guy can do it with impunity and get lauded for it.

[Flyndaran]

Even so, there are a lot of guys who'd be funny about a girl who was fucking her friend. I know that it's a double standard and therefore not fair, but who said life had to be fair? Just like going around spreading your legs for all and sundry will get you labeled a slag, but a guy can do it with impunity and get lauded for it.

No one I know feels that way. Males acting a certain way will be judged just like females acting that way.

[Lace Neil Singer]

That's you, tho. With respect, you don't represent the entire male species. A lot of people outside my circle of friends act that way; in fact, a couple of guys who I'm friends with had those views until I and a few other women put them right. It's just wishful thinking to state that all men are as enlightened as the ones you or indeed I personally know.

[blas87]

I have to agree with Lace. When I was single, I slept with a few guys. That would make me a skank. But if a guy did it, especially with multiple girls in one night? He's a HERO!

[BroomJockey]

But if a guy did it, especially with multiple girls in one night? He's a HERO!MAN-WHORE!

Fixed that for you.

[Greenday]

I don't know about your areas, but things around mine have changed over the years. Guys, especially at college, aren't generally looked upon favorably for hooking up with a lot of girls. Actually, girls get more props than guys (unless they are in a frat, but only those inside the frat thinks it's a great thing) for hooking up with lots of people.