is being gay a choice?

[joe hx]

I say no.

It exists in animals, so it is natural.

gah, i thought i was going to write much better.

anyways, thoughts?

[Flyndaran]

My heterosexuality isn't a choice, so in my mind the case is closed.

[Boozy]

Any heterosexual who believes that homosexuality is a choice should ask themselves this: Would you be able to make love to a member of the same sex and really enjoy it?

[Flyndaran]

Any heterosexual who believes that homosexuality is a choice should ask themselves this: Would you be able to make love to a member of the same sex and really enjoy it?

I think the answer for far too many men at least, is yes, if they were drunk enough and in the dark. Licky, licky, pokey, pokey is kind of nice even if done by an ugly chick/dude.

[Greenday]

Straight people don't wake up each day and ask themselves if they want to be straight today. I don't see why anyone would think gay people do the same.

[guywithashovel]

I don't know if they are born gay in the same sense that I was born straight, but there has to be some kind of neurological composition that inclines them to be the way they are.

I can honestly say that I could never make myself do romantic things with a man and enjoy it.

[smileyeagle1021]

I don't know if they are born straight in the same sense that I was born gay, but there has to be some kind of neurological composition that inclines them to be the way they are.

I can honestly say that I could never make myself do romantic things with a woman and enjoy it.

edited because it says exactly what I was going to say with less typing for me to do.

I could tell at around puberty when all my friends were starting to get interested in girls that I was starting to get interested in guys. And I honestly did try to make myself romantic with a woman, I couldn't do it. It just never felt right... being with another man did. If I made a choice I sure as hell don't remember it.

[Slytovhand]

I'll vote 'yes' on this one... but coming from a completely different angle (OOH - get your minds out of the gutter! )


My theory is more 'religious' based, as to how the spirit enters the body and what's going on at the time...so, for the sake of this argument and shere practicality, the answer would be 'no'.

Does that make any sense?

[Flyndaran]

I'll vote 'yes' on this one... but coming from a completely different angle (OOH - get your minds out of the gutter! )


My theory is more 'religious' based, as to how the spirit enters the body and what's going on at the time...so, for the sake of this argument and shere practicality, the answer would be 'no'.

Does that make any sense?

You believe in reincarnation and that souls choose thier utero-environment?
That seems rather insulting. I chose to have severe anxiety? Third world kids chose their life?
You seem to follow that up with a not really mentality. That seems like trying to believe two contradictory things. We all do that to a degree, but rarely have I read it in so obvious a manner.

[Cats]

Straight people don't wake up each day and ask themselves if they want to be straight today. I don't see why anyone would think gay people do the same.

Exactly! I use the same argument when people cry "BLASPHEMY!" when I mention I'm asexual.

It's like trying to explain your favorite color or food. You can't really, it just sort of...IS.


However, ACTING on one's sexuality (by engaging in consenual sexual encounters) IS a choice. Procreation aside (which is only a necessity for survival of the species, not individual), no one HAS to engage in any sexual activities.

[MystyGlyttyr]

I don't think it's a choice any more than my being asexual is a choice.

Believe it or not, I spent quite a number of years thinking there was something terribly wrong with me because I didn't care about sex and boys/girls the way other people did. I thought about whether or not I was gay and decided no, I pretty much prefer looking at boys to girls, though I'll look at pretty girls, too. But the thought of actual physical love much beyond cuddling and hugging...BLECH.

Among other things, I asked my mother if I was born a boy because I saw a show about that and how confused transsexuals spent their childhood wondering about their difference. I asked if I was androgynous even though I didn't entirely understand what that meant. I asked if maybe I needed some sort of hormone therapy because maybe I was lacking something somewhere. Because gay people and straight people alike around me were seemingly just OBSESSED with this sex business and I was still in the state of "ew gross" from childhood.

I dabbled in having boyfriends and was cool with hanging out with them, the way I'm always comfortable hanging out with guys, until the kissing part started and I was so freaked out that I broke up with them over it. It wasn't until I was about 23 and finally learned about the existence of asexuality that I was like "Oh, okay, that makes sense then."

That was never a choice for me. I TRIED to make a choice to be heterosexual, but I couldn't do it because it was just too damn freaky and wrong for me. And the few times I've flirted with the notion of trying to be homosexual, that feels even more freaky and wrong (because I know I'm primarily attracted to darker-skinned guys with long hair, hehe, I just...can't imagine doing more than hugging them unless the mood is REALLY weird). I'm just not any of those things.

So all that being said, I imagine it's pretty similar for everyone else, who tries to make a choice that feels wrong. So I don't see how it's a choice.

(Now, bis and pans, I still haven't figured out how those work, but then again, I haven't been able to solve the question of how my cat always knows what time I'm coming home, either, so I just recite my version of the MST3K mantra and go about my day.)

[smileyeagle1021]

You believe in reincarnation and that souls choose thier utero-environment?
That seems rather insulting. I chose to have severe anxiety? Third world kids chose their life?
You seem to follow that up with a not really mentality. That seems like trying to believe two contradictory things. We all do that to a degree, but rarely have I read it in so obvious a manner.

Not as insulting as it sounds. If one truly believes that we truly are reincarnated endlessly through eternity as long as humanity is around, and assuming that our spiritual beings are more enlightened than what we are capable of perceiving in this mortal life, I could easily understand a soul desiring to experience poverty, or anxiety, or some other 'defect' for the sake of learning from it so that they may be better people in the life to follow this one. That would seem to be the whole point of reincarnation, to be able to experience every aspect of the human experience, not just the good ones, and that some times around you'd have it good and some times around you'd have it bad. At least that's what my understanding on reincarnation is (even though I am a bit skeptical on it).

However, ACTING on one's sexuality (by engaging in consenual sexual encounters) IS a choice. Procreation aside (which is only a necessity for survival of the species, not individual), no one HAS to engage in any sexual activities.

Not to sound overly offensive (which I know everyone says right before they say something really offensive, which what I say probably will be), but that sounds very stereotypical of something an asexual person would say. I can understand that some people just aren't interested in sex, and all the more power to them, it's not my business to question other people's sexual desires (or lack thereof).
For a lot of us though, the idea of choosing not to have sex ever is a foreign concept. Yes, it is quite common for people to do things like deciding to put off sex, but I know quite a few people (and I'm one of them) where sex isn't so much about the physical stimulation (though I aint going to complain about that part ) it's about the joining of two people in an act of love, passion, and compassion (though sometimes that first one is replaced with lust, but we're talking ideally here).
So, by saying that you can chose not to have sex, you are saying that we can chose not to join together in that strong bond of love in the way we have been biologically hardwired to do, and as it is that I believe that the purpose of life is to love, that would be asking me to give up a portion of the purpose of life. That doesn't really sound like much of a choice, for it to be a true choice, both options must be viable.
Now, I don't claim to know that much about asexuality, but I'm assuming asexuals have some other way to make those deep and intimate bonds. Do you think any asexual person would be willing to give up those methods of making those bonds?

*Cat, not meaning to pick on you, you were just the first one to post the argument that I have had to argue over and over again with my mormon neighbors when they tell me that "well, you might not be able to chose who you are attracted to, but you can chose whether or not to act on those attractions"

[MystyGlyttyr]

Now, I don't claim to know that much about asexuality, but I'm assuming asexuals have some other way to make those deep and intimate bonds. Do you think any asexual person would be willing to give up those methods of making those bonds?

If we do, I certainly haven't figured them out yet.

Though I have to admit the concept of NOT being able to control impulses is probably just as foreign to me as the concept of even considering controlling them is to hets and homos, like a cultural thing, maybe. Like, I can't for the life of me understand why bull-fighting is so freaking awesome in Spanish cultures, but I know it is for the majority so you know, whatever blows the skirt up.

Oh God that saying suddenly sounded so dirty in this context. *facepalm* Move on, people, nothing to see here.

[Boozy]

People don't have an overwhelming compulsion to screw everyone they find attractive. If that were true, rape would be the norm and not the exception. Obviously, we all choose whether or not to have sex.

But for the average person in good health, a sexless life is not a very happy one. This is especially true for young women of child-bearing age and young men. Hormones will drive you crazy if there's no outlet for them. For many people it's just downright impossible to be happy without having sex.

[Flyndaran]

Not as insulting as it sounds. If one truly believes that we truly are reincarnated endlessly through eternity as long as humanity is around, and assuming that our spiritual beings are more enlightened than what we are capable of perceiving in this mortal life, I could easily understand a soul desiring to experience poverty, or anxiety, or some other 'defect' for the sake of learning from it so that they may be better people in the life to follow this one. ....

That still is insulting. Regardless of how it may seem normal to you and others, it still is calling my problems partly my own fault.

Also, that partly assumes that souls can predict the future. My anxiety didn't really start full force until my early teens.