Bullying

[Nyoibo]

functional sane human beings don't do that sort of crap to each other.

Show me a functional sane human being and I'll cure him.

[Flyndaran]

People can be dicks without having a mental illness or having been abused as a child.
Just like some people can be nice while having a mental illness and having been abused as a child.

[Slytovhand]

Show me a functional sane human being and I'll cure him/her.

Edited for accuracy

[Nyoibo]

Edited for accuracy

Not really, there are no functional sane women.

Yeah I went there.

[Slytovhand]

Not really, there are no functional sane women.

Yeah I went there.

D

Ok... I thought you might... but I just chose to go the other way

[violetyoshi]

So, how to fix this? For any given bullying victim, their are two needs: Controlling the bully's behavior around the victim, and building up the self-confidence of the victim to the point where the fear is gone.

The typical response of the authority figures around the victim amount to stuff like "He just needs to get a thicker skin" or "She brought it on herself" or "He has to learn to defend himself", all of which are, disturbingly enough, true. But that is where said authority figures stop. If they would actually teach these things to the victim, and show them how to gain the confidence they lack, then bullying would end.

I have Asperger's Syndrome, which means having a lack of understanding social situations among other things. I think schools should realize that you really need to point out to Aspie students how to confront bullies, just telling them to do x strategy won't work.

There also needs to be an understanding that bullies behave like the DSM-IV definition of a Sociopath. They charm those who they want to appeal to, and then hurt those while the authority figures are out of the picture. When teachers say, "I didn't see it, it must not have happened" it's telling the victim, that it's pointless to report the situation. Aspies may have a lack of theory of mind, that is to understand teachers can't be everywhere at everytime, or if one teacher sees something then it's the same as if all of them have.

I went to Glenbrook North High School. If that name sounds familiar, it's where the infamous Powder-Puff Football game where those girls beat the heck out of another group of girls. Just so you get a taste of the type of permissiveness that was given to the popular kids, I've heard that the environment of the school is similar to the one that was at Columbine.

I was a Goth in high school, I was also in Special Ed. Almost every complaint I had was dismissed, I'm guessing either they thought it was that weird kid starting something, or it's just a retard who cares.

After Columbine happened, they took me into the Deans office to have a talk. You know, they were supposedly Goth, I was Goth hence I must be holding pipe bombs in my basement. I told them every single day I was allowed by teachers to be bullied by the popular students. Whenever I complained about them it was ignored, I was told it was my fault, or boys will be boys. The last one imo, being extremely sexist. I wasn't the type of person who would start a Columbine, if anything, it's the students who bullied me that were the ones who would.

After high school, and therapy, I was diagnosed as depressed. I mean, I was a Goth, who'd have thought? LoL. The sad thing is despite having a psychatrist in Special Ed, and my obviously looking like the poster child for depression, I wasn't able to see the psychiatrist cause I wasn't failing. I was being punished for being a good student. I was home tutored after hearing this, and deciding if they wanted me to fail my classes I'd fail my classes. My dad was the one who decided, that it was more important I get my high school diploma, so I was home tutored.

I never went back to GBN after being tutored, I don't hang my diploma on the wall, since it only represents to me 4 years of hell I had to endure. Not only was I diagnosed with depression but Post-Trumatic Stress Disorder, that I was so constantly pushed to my limits daily at school, I ended up with the same type of disorder war veterans receive.

I learned through research, (yeah, on the web ) that they put the behavior disordered students in Special Ed. Now, from what I've learned about the types of kids who are considered behaviorally disordered, most of them have some form of anti-social behavior.

So there you have it, they put the bullies in with the kids with Special Needs. The stupidity is mind-boggling.

So that's my experience with bullying, I wanted to point out that being told I didn't have thick skin, or other reasons why I was a victim did nothing but made me feel as if I was being punished for being a victim. I also identified with the Columbine boys, to the extent that supposedly they were pushed to the point where they shot up the school, after being bullied for years. I do not agree with the Nazi nonsense they went for however, I'm Jewish. That's neither here nor there however. My point is the schools give bullied students no options.

They tell you to report to the teacher someone bullied you, nothing happens. They tell you to talk to the dean, that doesn't do anything either. I had kicked a guy in the nuts one time, after he threatened to expose my feminine items in the lunchroom, because I was taught that I would be punished, and had my purse taken away. Most guys might not understand, but I was really fearful of having to spend the rest of the day bleeding through my pants. I know after mentioning what I did to the guy, you could care less. LoL, I don't blame you.

This is what is the result of punishing the victim, the victim learns the only way to survive is to become a bully. I left school crying one day, cause I had enough to the point, where I seriously considered locking a bully in my locker and letting them die. I thought that things would become so bad, I'd end up doing something that would land me in jail. I'm supposed to learn anything under that level of anxiety? Being told that no matter what I do, I won't be believed. Sure, after taking the Zoloft I can see all I had to do was change clothing, but at the time I really was so mentally screwed up I felt being Goth was my identity.

So, that's my story. Sorry it ended up long, and rather here and there, it's just I get emotional recalling these things. I also feel passionately about the need to get out the story of what I went through, in hopes it won't happen to others. Although, I'm pretty sure it will.

As far as the Asperger's Syndrome having a bearing on all of this, I never was taught the social skills that were needed to ward off my bullies. I was told all the time in Special Ed, well you don't understand social skills, as if I was being a problem purposely and nothing was done to educate me on how I was doing things wrong.

Perhaps the problem is that Aspies tend to see things the way they are and cut past the BS, and nobody's going to hate that more than an authority figure. I wasn't about to pretend that there was a shred of humanity in those that tormented me. Sure, maybe if I knew their history, they were abused, or something I might care. Then though, they simply were sadists, and I was the only one who could see that. Thank goodness I had parents who cared, or I might have become a school shooter, under that mindset. The school was creating a heiarchy amongst the students, and making social behavior more important then academic acheivement.

I would not be surprised if I heard there was a school shooting at Glenbrook North, if they are still operating things the same way as when I left there.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I feel for you; I had the same thing with teachers at my school. As well as the various psychiatrists that I ended up going to see, cuz the headmaster told my parents that I had mental problems. -.- One psychatrist told me, "Why don't you at least try to fit in?" as if it was my fault that I was being bullied cuz I liked different things to the other girls. Oh yeah, so all I needed to do was stop listening to the music I loved and reading the books I liked, and instead listen to Take That and read Sweet Valley High, and the bullying would stop!

Another psychatrist told me, "You need to socialise more; be more of a butterfly." Yup, those were his actual words. Yet another one diagnosed me with Antisocial Personality Disorder. It's no wonder that I don't trust doctors and psychiatrists after all that; I was eventually, over a whole decade after that wrongful diagnosis, given a correct one; namely, that I had Aspergers Syndrome.

[violetyoshi]

*MOD EDIT due to excessive quoting~Please edit quotes

I feel for you; I had the same thing with teachers at my school. As well as the various psychiatrists that I ended up going to see, cuz the headmaster told my parents that I had mental problems.

The first psychiatrist I went to kept telling me, it was my fault for dressing weird after explaining that I didn't want to dress like a slut. Then that I should try to fit in more, when I kept telling them, well I don't remember what I kept telling them. I do remember however, running out of the office crying.

These quacks really don't understand the utter helplessness and feeling of having a certain identity when your in high school. That it's not a choice of being different, it's that YOU ARE different.

I'm not sure if you read, since I mentioned this in a couple other posts, but I also have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. Have you heard of the website Aspies for Freedom? There's also a site called Wrongplanet, but they seem to allow bullies to go there completely unchecked.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Yeah, I go to Aspies For Freedom sometimes; I haven't been there recently, cuz there was this drama queen who kept posting on my threads and trying to make it all about her. -.-

[violetyoshi]

It wasn't violet_yoshi was it?

[Lace Neil Singer]

Nope; can't remember who it was. XD

Anyway, when I was at school, autism was recognised as existing but not Aspergers. I expect a lot of lazy psychiatrists just diagnosed personality disorders rather than try to dig down deeper.

[Flyndaran]

Why does every disability need to be a culture?
Ick.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I fail to see what point you're trying to make, or what it has to do with the subject, namely bullying.

[violetyoshi]

Why does every disability need to be a culture?
Ick.

Aww, you wish that we'd all just be put in circuses as freak shows for your entertainment. Why does "normalcy" have to be a culture, that's forced on everyone? In quotes, cause what is one person's normal is not another person's normal, although I imagine you'd be happy if we all looked and thought the same way.

[Flyndaran]

Aww, you wish that we'd all just be put in circuses as freak shows for your entertainment. Why does "normalcy" have to be a culture, that's forced on everyone? In quotes, cause what is one person's normal is not another person's normal, although I imagine you'd be happy if we all looked and thought the same way.

Umm you seem to assume that I qualify as normal. That's completely untrue. But I don't whine about how it's everyone else's fault for getting upset with my failings. Yes, they are my failings.
Normal is healthy average. Being rude is rude regardless of the mental illness or disability that creates it.
Also, your arguemnt fails from argumentum ad absurdum long before you fail from your intended argument. I don't like rude people or what have you, so naturally that means I want everyone abnormal to be segregated, right.