What NOT to tell your girl?

[BroomJockey]

http://ca.askmen.com/top_10/dating/t...t-know_10.html

Randomly found this list of things that the site recommends you not tell your girlfriend. Some of this makes sense, some of it seems shady, but then there's #7.

"Don't tell her your fears and weaknesses."

So, what? Men need to be stony, solid bulwarks of emotional blankness and support? I thought we were moving past the whole crap about "Real men don't cry." If you're not being honest about something like that, then are you really being yourself in a relationship? Is that fair to either person involved?

[Flyndaran]

My relationship depends on absolute honesty. We know eachother's deepest darkest secrets. It cannot be overstated just how comforting it is to know that someone loves you with all your imperfections included.

[Boozy]

The article is clearly addressing men in the opening stages of a relationship. There are items on there that don't make sense if they're talking about a married couple or two people who live together. Such as "Where your money goes" or "Your bathroom habits." These are things any married woman knows about her husband.

Basically, they're warning guys not to overshare and scare women off too early. Eventually, as the relationship progresses, you can open up, but sharing too much too early creeps women out.

[BroomJockey]

Basically, they're warning guys not to overshare and scare women off too early. Eventually, as the relationship progresses, you can open up, but sharing too much too early creeps women out.

However, it also says that the man is supposed to support the woman when she freaks out. That doesn't exactly sound like a "new" relationship. It also pretty strongly implies you can't even cry at a sad movie.

[Cat]

It might be a good list for the start of a 'ship, and I'd rather not know my bf's masturbation and bathroom habits.....but nothing else on there *should* be secret.

[DesignFox]

Yea I'm gonna agree with Cats on that one.

Unless there's a serious health problem, I don't need to know about the bathroom habits. And for the love of God, I don't need to know masturbation habits.

Number 7 really struck me as odd, too. I mean, how can I be a supportive partner if I don't know what fears or weaknesses my guy has? It's supposed to be a PARTNERSHIP, not a one-way dependency.

And with the friends thing- for the most part I agree. You don't air out your friends dirty laundry. Later in the relationship, as you all meet and greet and become friends, maybe. Certainly I would think you'd not be seriously hanging out with the guy or gal that cheats on their partner...and lets you in on it. I'd bash my friend upside the head and tell them they are an asshole if I found out one of them was cheating on their spouse.

Honesty is best on all fronts.

My SO told me he will tell me anything, absolutely anything I want to know. All I have to do is ask. He's very honest and upfront, and that is very comforting. If he asks me anything, I don't lie.

Also, lying sets you up for bad shit in the long term. One of my ex's was a liar. I became friends with his friends, and his shitty treatment of me backfired on him big time when I found out about the lies (and when his friends realized how shitty he was treating a nice girl- I'm still friends with half those people- they aren't friends with him).

[the_std]

I might be a weird one, but I like to know my partner's masturbation habits. Masturbation is a perfect indicator of what a person is like, sexually speaking. If I can't get them off through conventional sexual techniques, finding out how they masturbate can show what they like and show me how to give them something good.

I don't think a lot of these rules are good techniques. I, again, might be weird, but I prefer complete honesty on all fronts, right from the start. There really aren't any subjects I find taboo, and I enjoy the process of finding out about people with honest answers. Bathrooms habits are a part of life, especially if it turns out to be a long-term relationship, plus everyone does it, so I don't really find it something to avoid. Hiding fears and weaknesses just makes it more likely to get burned by them, I guess.

Anyways, I guess my point is that I really hate omission of this kind of thing, and I wouldn't want to pursue a relationship with someone who wants to keep anything from me.

[DesignFox]

<snip>
Anyways, I guess my point is that I really hate omission of this kind of thing, and I wouldn't want to pursue a relationship with someone who wants to keep anything from me.

I agree.

For the masturbation thing, I think my point is that I don't need to know how often a guy is doing it. Additionally, I really don't want to know what's in his porn collection. I am not into that sort of thing. I know most, if not all guys are into the porn thing, and that's totally fine...but it's kind of the ostrich syndrome...if I don't see it, I can delude myself into thinking it isn't there, and I'm happy that way!

....as for what he likes in the bedroom, well, I'd hope he'd clue me in...most of the fun is knowing my partner is feeling as good as I am.

No human is psychic. If we don't communicate likes and dislikes...we'll both end up disappointed more often than not, I'd think.

Also, I don't want to end up involved with someone who is into things outside of my comfort range. So, I don't think it's taboo to be up front about that sort of thing if you're considering being with someone long term.

Every person/couple is different though...

Bathroom stuff. We all get to know our partner's habits to a degree- I think the article is more talking about "poop" bragging. There are guys who do this. It *is* gross. Don't share.

Now a polite, "I just took a crap, you may not want to go in there for a few mins" is always welcome. LOL

[blas87]

I already learned my boyfriend's bathroom habits before we were even dating very long.

His parents told me that he's quite the regular boy!

[anriana]

11. That you call her "your girl" and "the little lady."

[tropicsgoddess]

Honesty is an important part of every relationship. When SO and I started dating, we were open with telling about each other's pasts and such. I don't see what's wrong with a guy telling his girlfriend about his fears and weaknesses, guys don't need to be 100% rugged. A real man will be honest about his past, open about admitting his weaknesses and vulnerabilities and not a momma's boy. Nuff Said.

[Flyndaran]

... A real man will be honest about his past, open about admitting his weaknesses and vulnerabilities and not a momma's boy. Nuff Said.

What do you mean by a momma's boy? That term probably has quite varied definitions.
I wonder if all of us are really capable of accepting others for certain things. Could "you" handle a partner's disturbed fantasies? How about a never punished crime?
I like honesty, but I wonder how much is back patting and not quite true.

[DrFaroohk]

I hate those lists. They're too general. A better list would be something like "If you are a guy who cries a lot, don't hook up with girls who think crying is lame. If you depend on your parents for money and other stuff, stay away from women who see this as a problem."

I think they hurt more than anything. The only people who would pay attention to them are guys who don't get laid very much, and it's just going to make it worse because now he's trying to act like this big responsible tough guy, and he can't pull it off, so in addition to being unattractive and uncharismatic, now he's a big poser too. Good luck pal.

[violetyoshi]

*MOD EDIT due to excessive quoting~Please edit quotes

Randomly found this list of things that the site recommends you not tell your girlfriend.

Most of the time, these lists are written by someone completely jaded about relationships. This person probably was told off by a mean girl, for not being fearless. So now he's warning other men, to pretend to other girls that they have no fears.

These lists typically are bogus anyways.

*MOD EDIT due to excessive quoting~Please edit quotes

I think the article is more talking about "poop" bragging. There are guys who do this. It *is* gross. Don't share.

There was an episode of South Park about that poo bragging thing. Stan's dad was in competition with Bono for who had the biggest poo, and they actually bothered measuring them in kurics.

http://www.southparkstudios.com/guide/1109/

There's a surprise ending too, I'm not giving it away though.

[Tanasi]

After 26.5 years of marriage I've learned that there's somethings you don't volunteer information about. Don't lie if asked just give direct short answers preferably in the form of yes or no.
I learned long ago there's some questions you don't need to know the answer to.
Becareful of the questions you ask because you'll most likely get answers that you don't want to hear.