I wanted to kill that customer.

[Plaidman]

After hmming and hawling, I decided to post this story here, evne though it deals with a customer. It a bit of a hot topic.

A few weeks ago, this jackass came in with his girlfriend. He piled his crap on the counter. His girlfriend wanted some water. He told her no. He has to save his money for himself. Even though he got a bunch of junkfood for himself. Then paid with food stamps. (Wow. A shock there...).

He told her no. But while that made me angry, it wasn't that made me want to kill.

A few days ago, he was back in the store with I'm assuming a friend. Both bragging to each other abouit how they had to put their woman in their places. By beating them. They fucking siad that outloud to each other.

I wanted. TO beat them.

First off its wrong. Badily wrong. Horriflicly wrong.
Though part of me thinks why do woman stick with them.

It also makes me jealous.

[Boozy]

Why does it make you jealous?

[Flyndaran]

Why does it make you jealous?

Probably because jackasses get more dates than he does?
Seriously though, I wouldn't want a woman that's that screwed up. Nice women date nice guys. Broken women date broken guys.

[violetyoshi]

Why does it make you jealous?

I'm guessing, that what's making him jealous is these jerks have girlfriends, and he's being a nice guy and has not found a girl yet.

You should of reported those guys to the police.

[Kimmik]

Seriously though, I wouldn't want a woman that's that screwed up. Nice women date nice guys. Broken women date broken guys.

I take a wee bit of offense at that... I am not broken.. but was married to an abuser.. he had me convinced that I deserved it and that it was my fault and that no one would want me cause I was messed up.

There is many a reason that women in abusive relationships don't leave and it is not because we are broken and want that type of life. Leaving an abusive relationship is extremely hard. Especially when society puts such a stigma on it. You feel as if it is your fault, maybe if you had done x better he wouldn't have been mad, maybe you are worthless and should be happy that he even cares after all no one else would want you...

[fireheart17]

There is many a reason that women in abusive relationships don't leave and it is not because we are broken and want that type of life. Leaving an abusive relationship is extremely hard. Especially when society puts such a stigma on it. You feel as if it is your fault, maybe if you had done x better he wouldn't have been mad, maybe you are worthless and should be happy that he even cares after all no one else would want you...

Beat me to it.

There's also the problem that the abuser may not feel as though they have anywhere to go, or anyone to talk to, their partner is in control of everything over them...

Common pattern of abusive relationships is that the abuser tends to isolate the victim, which in turn, makes the victim rely on them and they feel more powerful as a result.

as for Plaidman, google "ode to the nice guys". It's a really long-winded piece that I read sometimes-well, the nice girls one anyway-when I'm feeling down.

[Nyoibo]

Nice women date nice guys. Broken women date broken guys.

The hell they do.

Things like this really makes me wonder why I bother to be nice.

[Flyndaran]

No sane person would do that, therefore only those with mental problems do. To stay in an abusive relationship requires a mental illness on part of the abused. I stand by that fact, even more so, because I've known abused men.

I never said that the abused are broken by their own fault, but broken they are.
Some broken people deserve pity or sympathy, and others a bit of our scorn.

As someone that's crippled by anxiety, I consider myself broken.
I think maybe everyone here is misinterpreting what I mean by broken. In this context, I mean it as not healthy in a profound emotional way.

[Kimmik]

No sane person would do that, therefore only those with mental problems do. To stay in an abusive relationship requires a mental illness on part of the abused. I stand by that fact, even more so, because I've known abused men.

Ok now I take full offense. So only the mentally ill can be abused? No it can not be that the abuser has cut the abused off from all support, holds the money, makes threats about killing the abused or their family, threatens to have the children (if there are any) taken away..no it is just because they are mentally ill.

I am quite sane... as I was then.. how ever after being beaten and then raped by my husband with the hilt of a knife and told the next time I tried to leave it would be the other end, you know I sorta believed that he would kill me.

When I left for the last time almost every rib was cracked and it was many a year before I would leave my house alone. Not because I was mentally ill but because I was afraid that my ex would be true to his word.

Yes after my ex I suffered from depression and anxiety, hell who wouldn't. The man that I thought loved me had turned an outgoing fun loving girl into a terrified woman. I didn't dare talk to anyone that he didn't approve of because when we got home I would be beaten with what ever he got his hands on.

I stayed because I was terrified, because I didn't know that there was help out there, Not because I was mentally ill.

[Flyndaran]

Ok now I take full offense. So only the mentally ill can be abused? No it can not be that the abuser has cut the abused off from all support, holds the money, makes threats about killing the abused or their family, threatens to have the children (if there are any) taken away..no it is just because they are mentally ill.
...

I stayed because I was terrified, because I didn't know that there was help out there, Not because I was mentally ill.

You actually believe a mentally healthy person would continue to stay with an abuser? I disagree. Mental illness is not an insult, damn it. I take a bit of offense at that insinuation!
The cutting off etc. is simply the methods of how to damage someone emotionally to become ill enough to stay with subsequent abuse.

[Greenday]

I'm pretty sure you guys have different definitions of mental illness and broken. I'm pretty sure by broken Flyn means a broken spirit, to which I fully agree. And Flyn does not mean mental illness as in retardation, but as in mentally incapable to actually do something about their situation. Neither is something that can blamed on the abused.

[Flyndaran]

I'm pretty sure you guys have different definitions of mental illness and broken. I'm pretty sure by broken Flyn means a broken spirit, to which I fully agree. And Flyn does not mean mental illness as in retardation, but as in mentally incapable to actually do something about their situation. Neither is something that can blamed on the abused.

Thanks for acting as mediator.
I certainly don't mean mentally retarded or in some way wanting to be abused.
Though retardation isn't an insult either. My best friend is mildly retarded and she's one of the kindest most open minded person I've ever met.

[kibbles]

I agree Greenday, I think Flyn's words are being taken way out of proportion IMO.

[DesignFox]

For once, I agree with Flyn, Greenday AND kibbles. Wow. Trying to lighten the mood...

I don't think Flyn means to be insulting. I think he is saying exactly what the abused are saying... just in a different way.

When someone abuses you, it changes you. When someone breaks your spirit, that's gotta be a tough thing to overcome...and that's why the cycle of abuse is so insidious.

I've dealt with some crazy manipulative people in my short life. I learned some important lessons from them, and they were just douchebags...not out and out abusive assholes. I can't imagine what it might be like to deal with that...I hope I can avoid being put in that situation.

If I overheard someone bragging about being abusive, I'd probably have thoughts of killing them, too.

I'm sorry to hear that some of you have had to deal with this in your lives. Believe me when I say, I don't think you're weak or horrible people. I don't think anyone here meant to come across that way. I'm just glad to hear you have overcome it...I admire that. Obviously, you gals are made of some strong stuff.

[Kalli]

Flyn, I also was a wee bit offended, but let me explain why.

When you have been in an abusive relationship (or while you are still in one), a number of people that you talk to about it give you a "why don't/didn't you just leave?" or "If you stay with him after that, I'm not even going to try to help you" attitude. It's part of the reason people find it difficult to break the cycle.

2 things about people who react that way:

1) that attitude is a misinformed one. Staying in an abusive relationship is often simply a measure of some kind of preservation, at least it was for me. Whenever I fought with my ex or exhibited any signs of independence, my family started getting prank calls and the like. This is just one of many, MANY factors in a complex web of mindfuckery; it is NOT simply a matter of "oh, but I love him".

2) That kind of attitude from people can actually cement an abuser's inability to end the relationship. My very best friend who I love to bits basically stopped talking to me after my ex hit me and I didn't immediately fuck him off. We reconciled after I finally got rid of him, and we remain best friends, but the truth is her reaction completely destroyed my support system and is a huge part of why I spent 2 years without my best friend, and feeling like I couldn't leave.
I would never dream of telling her this because it would break her heart, but her "tough love" attitude (that was obviously meant to make me leave him) backfired in the worst way; I felt worthless. I was abandoned. It was the defining factor in my falling into the abusive game.


Now having said all that, Flyn, I'm not at all saying that that's what you are doing, I'm saying your posts read like someone with "that" attitude, even though you're not. Just thought I'd explain the offended reactions.