Double Standards in Relationships?

[kibbles]

I have seen this many time on different message boards and am amazed how such an appalling double standard is applied in regards to relationships.

When a woman posts a message on a board about her significant other not trusting her and always being suspicious, the replies are uniformly the same. Things like, get out now, he sounds like an abuser, etc. Thing is, I agree with some of these replies and no one should have to justify their every action to someone who is supposed to love them.

However, a woman posts a message about how she thinks her significant other is cheating or something to that effect, you get replies advising to check his phone, his e-mail, his coat pockets, etc.

Is it just me that this double standard irritates to no end?

[Peppergirl]

Kibbles - this is one of the RARE times I completely agree with you!

I've noticed that exact thing time-and-time again on multiple boards. Ugh. So frustrating!

[gremcint]

How come I don't get three to five days each month to treat everyone like crap?

[BroomJockey]

I don't think those two situations are analogous though.

[kibbles]

Kibbles - this is one of the RARE times I completely agree with you!

LOL!!! I've had that reply a couple of times now from different posters in different posts. Feels good!

But the double standard is irritating. What would be considered abusive in one instance should be considered abusive in every instance no matter who it's directed at IMO.

Thanks for the reply

I don't think those two situations are analogous though.

How is it not analogous? If someone is insecure and suspicious of their significant other, and proceeds to berate them or go through their things..that should be considered over the top whether it's a man or a woman.

Or were you replying to gremcint?? Ignore my question if you weren't replying to me, sorry

[Nyoibo]

That's because men are evil, self centred, unfaithful chauvanists who should only be kept around to open jars, heavy lifting and the occasional quickie.

[gremcint]

That's because men are evil, self centred, unfaithful chauvanists who should only be kept around to open jars, heavy lifting and the occasional quickie.

At least we can drive properly and work computers.

[Peppergirl]

That's because men are evil, self centred, unfaithful chauvanists who should only be kept around to open jars, heavy lifting and the occasional quickie.

Marry me?

[AdminAssistant]

How come I don't get three to five days each month to treat everyone like crap?

Because you don't go through a severe hormonal shift that causes pain, bleeding, and mood swings for 3-5 days every month.

[Fryk]

Because you don't go through a severe hormonal shift that causes pain, bleeding, and mood swings for 3-5 days every month.

See, I am VERY VERY sensitive about that when it comes to my wife. Prop her feet up, bring her food and tea, whatever she needs. I completely understand that it's hell, but the thing is, none of that gives anyone the right to treat anyone like crap. I understand stuff happens, and people get snappy. That's when you go back afterward and apologize for it. What I don't like is when menstruation is used as a free pass for treating the people in your life that care about you like crap.

[guywithashovel]

Because you don't go through a severe hormonal shift that causes pain, bleeding, and mood swings for 3-5 days every month.

So, if I come down with a really bad cold that causes me severe discomfort, I'm allowed to be a total creep to everyone around me?

[gremcint]

A few months ago I had both of my ears infected. They were so bad that not only had they completely closed off but were still trying to expand beyond my ear canal's walls. The doctor described the infection as impressive. I tried aspirin, tylenol and advil all extra strength, none helped at all. My mom had a couple Oxycodone leftover from something else, they would stop the pain for about 2 hours where I would sleep for 2 hours wake up and take another as they stopped having an effect. I took 5 throughout the one night and that's all I had. This was the most painful experience in my life, I literally could not sleep with the pain.

I did not treat anyone like crap at all during that time and while a little tense was still polite to everyone. So quite frankly don't give me that bull about how men can't know what it's like or how it's all the hormones.

[AdminAssistant]

Alright, let me amend. Having a period is not a free pass for women to treat people like "crap". However, being a bit cranky is somewhat understandable. Women that have PCOS or extremely severe symptoms...that's a little different. Hell for 1 week out of 4...sheesh.

[BroomJockey]

How is it not analogous?

No, it was to you. I'd have explained more, but I had to dash, so here we go.

Situation A) Controlling Significant Other: Done for purposes of, well, controlling, dominating, and prolonging the relationship. A way of restricting rights, movements, and life of the other person. They don't care what the person is up to, beyond it being something they're not controlling, and that's not allowed.

Situation B) Significant Other suspects cheating behaviour: Done for purposes of either salvaging (discovering not cheating) or ending (discovering IS cheating) the relationship. The searching in this case would be to uncover a potentially harmful lie (potential for STDs rises, potential for the cheater's other partner to decide to start an incident, etc.). As long as it's not a permanent suspicion, and not continually checking over the SO's effects, it's pretty much a self-preservation thing.

So, to summarize, situation A is wrong because it's an on-going activity geared towards "injuring" the other person, situation B is, while not right, acceptable as it is a short-term activity geared towards escaping a potentially damaging situation.

I think a more valid example would be one like the girl goes out for a "girl's night," gets trashed, and crashes at a friend's place, everyone thinks that's fine, but if the guy goes for a "guy's night" and gets trashed, and crashes at a friend's place, he's a jackass for not going back to his girlfriend that night (and that's a real example I've seen).

[Rapscallion]

So, if I come down with a really bad cold that causes me severe discomfort, I'm allowed to be a total creep to everyone around me?

That's manflu. Rarely fatal.

I've been reading this thread with amusement. Double standards? Fact is, men and women think differently. There are significant differences in approach.

Once you accept that, you can get on with enjoying yourself, or being baffled - whatever floats your boat.

Rapscallion