Getting in the middle

[DrFaroohk]

I wasn't sure where to put this, sorry if its the wrong place.

So my wife and her friend are hanging out the other day, when her friend's ex shows up. Nothing major, he just wanted to see his daughter and check up on things I guess. Wasn't a big deal. Then spies a hicky on his ex's neck, and grabs her and is all like "is that a hickey? What is that? Where'd you get that?? Huh?"

It wasn't overly violent, not like he was about to throw her down the stairs or something, and it didn't progress beyond that.

Part of my feels like I should have said something to him. Maybe just "Hey dude, chill." or "Get the fuck out of my house." I mean, we're supposed to be intolerant of domestic violence, right?

On the other hand, it's none of my business. She and her ex have their own thing going on and its not my place to step in the middle of it. If he flat out hit her or something, it'd be different. And she's more than capable of taking care of herself. She's not a delicate little flower who needs protecting, and I have no interest in playing "hero" or "tough guy", so it just seemed like it really wasn't my place. Plus, there's always the possibility that my getting involved would have escalated what was basically a harmless situation.

So as usual I'm torn about whether or not I did the right thing. On the one hand, I respected someone else's business and stayed out of it. On the other hand, I let some guy just walk in here and (depending on which jurisdiction you live in) assault a friend.

[Akasa]

If he grabbed her I would have been "Get the fuck out of my house."
I don't tollerate people laying hands on me or loved ones.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Well, since it didn't escalate, and nobody got hurt, you probably did the right thing. But you are wrong in saying it was not your business. It was MOSTLY your business if it happened at your place.

And even if it didn't, it is your business if you see it, smell it, hear it, or step in it. I don't care if he handled her in his OWN place in front of you. It's still your business if it happens in front of you.

At least ,that is how I discern how something is or isnt my business.

Someone handling one of my guests in my home will, at best, get arrested. I'd probably wait till he cooled off and let him know that grabbing her in your home will not happen again.

[DrFaroohk]

What I mean by not my business is that she didn't seem to want any help. If she'd been like "Ow, let me go, ow that hurts, help me!" then I'd have been all over it. She didn't seem frightened, scared or hurt. I think if she wanted interference she'd have asked for it.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

You're probably right about that, and the fact that he knocked it off without it going any further is a good thing. If you had stepped in, it may have escalated.

However, the dude has no business coming into your house and acting like an ape. That is where I would have the problem, were it me.

[BlaqueKatt]

She didn't seem frightened, scared or hurt. I think if she wanted interference she'd have asked for it.

and that's why my favorite piece of flair from facebook says:
"I'm a damsel, I'm in distress, I can handle this on my own thank you"

because then (if he were an abuser)-you've hurt his pride in front of his "woman", so next time he may have to remind her he's "still in charge"-I've seen it happen-or rather the aftermath of it....