Couples splitting all bills equally, despite wage differences

[crashhelmet]

Some friends of mine are like this, except they take it a step further. When they were dating and even now while married, they split everything either 50-50 or go completely "dutch."

We'd all go out to dinner and they're breaking down the check with a calculator. She'd pull money out of her wallet/purse for what she ate/drank and he'd do the same. They go to a movie and they buy their own tickets and concessions. I don't think I've ever seen one pick up the check for the other.

CH

[Boozy]

If I'm pulling in 2x what my partner does, to the point where they're not able to contribute fully to paying the bills, they better be cleaning, or willing to help run errands, or something, because until I'm married I'm not supporting anyone free and clear.

Scenario: Before we were married, I worked 9-5, and my husband worked 9-5. I worked hard and came home exhausted. But my compensation was one-third what my husband made, and as such my paycheque didn't go as far in covering our bills.

According to your statement above, it would have been "fair" for me to do the bulk of the housework, cooking, and errands, because I couldn't buy my way out.

My company might undervalue what I do, but I'll be damned if I allow my life partner to do so. If he works 40 hours a week, and I work 40 hours a week, we're sharing the housework evenly.

As far as the couple in the OP: If one half of a couple is living a better lifestyle than the other, there will eventually be some major resentment. A husband and wife is a family unit, and in my opinion, they need to live like one. It's too bad the world is full of money-grubbers who value their cash more than their partner's happiness.

[BroomJockey]

According to your statement above, it would have been "fair" for me to do the bulk of the housework, cooking, and errands, because I couldn't buy my way out.

And *this* is why I said that this situation's none of our damned business. No matter what you say, someone in a vaguely parallel situation will think you're commenting on their situation.

So, no, I'm not even going to address this and "justify" my comment. I wasn't talking about your situation, I wasn't talking about anyone's situation. It's not equivalent, it's not similar, don't think it is.

[Boozy]

So, no, I'm not even going to address this and "justify" my comment.

That's fine, but I don't think it was out of line for me to ask that you do. You posted an opinion on a debate forum, and I was simply challenging that opinion by offering up a scenario for you to consider that perhaps you had not before.

[DesignFox]

<snip>As far as the couple in the OP: If one half of a couple is living a better lifestyle than the other, there will eventually be some major resentment. A husband and wife is a family unit, and in my opinion, they need to live like one. It's too bad the world is full of money-grubbers who value their cash more than their partner's happiness.

Don't get me started on people like that...

I, personally, don't want to live that way and am very happy I no longer live with someone like that.

But, I have to say, to each their own. If a couple can function playing the "mine and yours" pissing match, then fine. That's their choice. It's really none of my business.

I have to say, I find the situation with the car or lunch in the OP a little disconcerting...but...again...not my relationship.

[Fryk]

I would never try to butt into someone's situation if they split things like that, but I would secretly think that it was pretty sad.

[protege]

Growing up, my father went to work, and mom stayed home to take care of the house. Later, she went back to work. By then, my father had quit his job, and went into business for himself. Several years later, many of his clients had gone out of business...forcing his ad agency to close by 1992. But, before the end came, he was already working 2, 3 and occasionally 4 jobs to bring in the dough. He would come home, and was ready to collapse. Tired as hell, and then my mother would bitch about having to do housework.

So, let me get this straight--it's OK for my dad to work 2,3,4 jobs, but not OK for you to come home after a 9-5 of sitting on your ass to do housework? Keep in mind that my dad was busy 7 days a week and my mother had the weekends off. How the hell does that work?

[AFPheonix]

My husband and I split bills more or less evenly, although I have less debt and therefore more discretionary funds even though I earn a bit less. So, if I get some extra money here and there, like say if I sell a horse, I'll usually give him half so he can pay off something. We trade off paying if we go out, I try to buy groceries more often because I do have fewer financial responsibilities.
My evil plan is to make it so he gets himself to a better place financially and then we can earn together towards a house. Neither of us would dream of shorting each other either with chores or with money just because we want to stick to some 50/50 rule. I give to him in various ways, he gives to me in various ways. (he's a lot better at cleaning than I am, frankly, but I'm a better cook).
There's no hard and fast rules, except that he handles insurance bills and half the rent and I pick up essentially everything else. We're pretty happy that way. I can't imagine letting him go hungry during the day just because we had a "fair" bill paying system.

[Teysa]

Right now, I'm the primary wage earner. So most of my income goes towards bills and groceries. The hubby's only source of income right now is some natural gas royalties which have been rather crappy lately. However, I'm certainly not going to tell him he can't eat because he's not making any money. I also know that there have been times in the past when the situation was reversed. We take care of each other.

As far as these other couples go, I think they should do what works for them. If both partners are happy with splitting the bills down the middle then more power to them. That being said, I do think there should be room for compromise. If say one of them gets stuck with a high medical bill, if the other can more easily afford to pay it, then they should do so. The other can contribute their share when they're able to.

[jackfaire]

Maybe the husband is being a bit oblivious and the wife hasn't pointed out to him how her now lower pay is leaving her hurting. They should sit down and talk about it now that circumstances have changed from the original setting down of the rule.

After all things do change and people must be flexible.

[Flyndaran]

My father would give my mom his paycheck. It makes more sense when you realize that after he died, she went back to school to become an accountant.
She was a whiz at making ends meet. You think teachers have it rough? You should learn what a beat cop makes in small towns.
My father wasn't so good at math. He was proud that his kids could "out math and science" him. I miss him.

[kiwi]

I think if their is a major income difference then a fair way to deal with it is for each person to put in the same percentage of their income towards the bill.
Say a bill is $100 and partner A earns 70% of the income and partner B earns 30% of the income. Then partner A pays $70 and partner be pays $30 towards the bill.
Obviously that would only work if both of them agreed to that system and they were in a long term committed relationship.

When the BF and I moved in together a few years ago we opened up a joint account that was only for paying bills. Our pay cheque went into our own seperate accounts and then we transferred money into the bill paying account for our joint bills. We used the system I described above because I was living in his town and my job there earned much less than I would have earned in my home town. As he refused to move to a place where we could both earn equal amounts of money he sholdered more of the financial burden.

Right now Im not allowed to work (my immigration approval is through but until everything is finalised Im still not allowed to work) and so the BF is earning all of our money but we now have a joint account for everything. I take care of the money, pay our bills, dole out our spending money etc. It's not that Im in charge (we go over what is going to be paid/saved/spent every week) but I take care of it because to be honest I have more time on my hands.

[jackfaire]

So, let me get this straight--it's OK for my dad to work 2,3,4 jobs, but not OK for you to come home after a 9-5 of sitting on your ass to do housework? Keep in mind that my dad was busy 7 days a week and my mother had the weekends off. How the hell does that work?

*nods* My mom always pulled the same crap but she would rarely work and she was of the opinion that my dad's money was her money and her money was her money. When he passed she tried to forgive a debt that he had forgiven 6 months earlier.

[blas87]

My mom kicks and screams about housework and uses her job as an excuse as well (she's a secretary for Petes Sake), but it has nothing to do with money. It's how she was raised.

Her grandmother would make everyone else in the house do all the housework and nitty gritty things, rarely ever lifting a finger herself, and she'd throw a royal tantrum if the house were ever messy, but you'd never see her do anything. And she didn't work a day in her life!

[Tanasi]

The whole 27 years plus of marriage, I've always earned all the money for all our bills. Until about 5 years ago my wife didn't really earn any money, but when she did start it was a good chuck of change but I still paid all the bills from money I earned. What I've learned is the money I make is our money, the money she makes is her money and I have no say-so, no claim, no nothing. So now when the kids want extra money I send them to their mother, I also cut off and withdrew the money I had advanced to my middle daughter for her wedding. If I was going to be ignored and then ridiculed then I wasn't going to finance that event, I told MD her mother could pay for her day.