You're still hanging around after two years?

[kiwi]

I meet a girl on the weekend at a party I went to. One of her friends mentioned to me that this girl had been "dating" a guy for two years but he wouldn't put a label on their relationship.

After two years he still wasn't ready to be her boyfriend or be exclusive. He also rarely went out with her in public (and never with her friends). They mostly watched movies, had dinner and fucked.
I didn't want to say it to the girl (because I had just met her) but for crying out loud, TWO YEARS and he's not ready to be exclusive.... move on sister, he is quite clearly using you for a booty call.

She was still holding out hope that he might one day be "ready" to "settle down".... so thinking maybe they were younger than me I asked how old he was. 30 as in a score and ten years old! If they were 18 I could understand but she was the most deluded girl I have ever met.

It shocked me how clueless she seemed about how obviously she was being used. People talk about low self esteem this girl had no self esteem. She was a pretty girl, nice body, she seemed book smart although apparently socially she was a dumb as a rock. I blame the guy as well don't get me wrong, he can't exactly be prince charming if he behaves like that.

He called while she was there, asking her to come over... 3 guesses as to why

[Greenday]

Did she herself say to you that she wanted to be dating him? If not, it's completely possible that friends with benefits is all she wants too.

Did she ever admit to him that she wants to be more than friends with benefits? If not, there is absolutely nothing wrong with what he is doing.

[kiwi]

She talked to me about it and how she wanted to date him but be his girlfriend. He keeps telling her another few months and he will be ready. Yeah right and I'm a size zero.

[Ree]

That's really sad.

I can never understand why a girl would hang around in a situation like that.

Low self esteem?

[Greenday]

Low self esteem?

Nothing else going on?

[crashhelmet]

He's not budging because he's getting what he wants. He may have commitment issues and not want to put the title on the relationship. He may also be in a relationship with someone else already.

I wonder how much longer it will be before she gets pregnant, thinking that will make him commit.

It sounds as if she's not happy with it all tho. Content maybe, but not happy. i doubt she'll ever find anyone else tho. She's too focused on him.

CH

[Boozy]

Did she ever admit to him that she wants to be more than friends with benefits? If not, there is absolutely nothing wrong with what he is doing.

I'll bet she hasn't said a word. I'll bet she thinks if she "plays it cool" he'll change his mind. I've seen girls do this before, and it inevitably leads to a horrible blow-up with everyone blaming the poor guy who didn't see it coming.

The villain in this story is the girl. The guy has been completely upfront and honest about what he wants. She's been dishonest. As far as he's concerned, she's ok with the arrangement they have.

Even if she's said that she wants more out of the relationship, her actions belie her words.

Morally, this guy's in the clear. The girl's going to learn a hard lesson.

[jackfaire]

I just broke things off with a girl like the guy.

Girl isn't ready to be in a serious relationship. I am so I ended things (amongst other reasons) I figure we can be friends.

This girl however was up front if the guy is saying it's just a matter of time and giving a date like 2 months that is screwed up but if all he is saying is that he isn't ready then yeah this girl needs to leave him or accept the situation as is.

[kiwi]

I just couldn't believe she would hang out for that long when they both obviously want such different things from their "relationship".
I honestly don't think she realises that shes a fuck buddy, she thinks shes waiting patiently for him to be ready.

I hate myself for using a Dr Phil euphamism but "you teach people how to treat you" really fits here. I wanted to shake her and say ITS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN move on!

Maybe hes just really good in bed?

[tropicsgoddess]

He's not budging because he's getting what he wants. He may have commitment issues and not want to put the title on the relationship. He may also be in a relationship with someone else already.

That's what it seems like to me. Why else would he not publicly acknowledge whatever it is that they do together? Especially if he's got somebody else and is just diddling her on the side. I mean not to be crude, but you know the saying: why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. She's pretty much giving it up to this dude who is just using her and he is clearly reaping all the benefits while she's oblivious to it. Unless their friends with benefits but that seems highly unlikely in this case. Plus I hate to say it, but it doesn't seem like she'll know the truth until it's too late or shit hits the fan.

[gremcint]

why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.

Because I want to butcher it for the beef.

[McDreidel09]

They are each responsible for this misery she is in.

Him: Being a jackass and leading her on.

Her: for staying around that long

[Boozy]

Him: Being a jackass and leading her on.

Why assume he's leading her on?

Kiwi's original post didn't offer any information that leads me to believe that is the case. In fact, I got the impression that the guy had been clear to this girl that he was not ready to be exclusive. The girl gives her consent to that casual relationship by participating in it.

I'm just tired of men getting accused of being assholes when they don't deserve it. I've seen too many women assume certain things about their relationships. Women will often stubbornly refuse to accept their men at their words when they unequivocally tell them that they are not interested in anything serious. At some point the woman gets pissed off, accuses the guy of "leading her on", and he's left wondering what the hell he could have done differently.

In my experience, men are honest about what they want, especially when asked directly. But women need to start listening. "I'm not interested in anything serious" is not code for "Stick around and I'll change my mind."

[McDreidel09]

He keeps telling her another few months and he will be ready.

That sounds like leading on to me.

If he didn't keep telling her that in another few months he would be ready, I would not place any blame on him.

[BroomJockey]

That sounds like leading on to me.

Sounds more like he's just trying to get her to stop asking. After all, a "few months" is a nice, indeterminate, long time in which hopefully she'll either forget or stop caring.