Parents who beg and plead with their children to behave

[LadyBarbossa]

I attended an evening church service with my Mother last night, and a few minutes into the singing portion of the service, this woman comes in with her child and sits RIGHT behind us, as she always does, no matter where we sit. Over the sound of 80-100 people singing loudly, I can still clearly make out this woman doing what she does best, nagging her kid. Now, I'm not sure exactly what this child is doing, but all you can hear through the entire service is something like -

"Stop that. Stop. Stop it. I said stop it! . . . no, that's not very nice. Hey, I said that's not nice. Stop it. Honey, stop. PLEASE stop. Hey no! Don't do that. Stop. That's not nice. Sit down. No, don't do that. Stop it. I said stop. Stop. Quit it, I said quit it. Please quit it. You need to stop that. No, don't. I said you need to stop that."

I can't hear the kid whining or doing anything more aggravating than kicking the back of my seat, but all through church, you can hear her steady, constant stream of 'reprimands' to the point where I can't concentrate on what the pastor or music minister is trying to say. And she always comes in at least five or ten minutes after the service begins, so it's not like anyone has the chance to deliberately sit away from her. Last night, Mom decided she wasn't going to put up with it again, so when we stood up for a song, we moved up four rows. No more listening to this woman beg and nag, yay! When church dismissed, she made a point to come up to my mother and apologize if her son was noisy. Mom stated that she just really didn't have patience for that kind of behavior and couldn't hear what the pastor was saying. Nag then made the excuse that her son was usually in AWANA (a program for kids) but as it's a holiday weekend, there wasn't any this week and it's just soooo hard for her son to sit in the adult service, but he's learning. Mom then said "He looks old enough to sit and behave, what is he, four?"

Nag is taken aback and offended and says that no, he's six, and he's learning. Mom says he is definitely big enough to know how to behave and then the woman just walked away and turned to her friend, repeating what mom said in a mocking tone.

Really, she's more annoying than the kid. And I'm not saying how my Mom handled the situation was entirely right or wrong, but I'm tired of parents being of the attitude that their children are too stupid or incapable of not acting like apes in public. I've seen plenty of kids in the 3-6 crowd who can sit through a church service or feature length movie without wriggling around too much or making lots of noise. And even if they did, it wouldn't bother me if the parents would actually grow a set, so to speak, and do something about the behavior rather than begging and pleading with the kid to behave. The child in yesterday's situation has absolutely no respect for his mother and it's obvious. If my parents bleated empty threats at me until they were blue in the face, I probably wouldn't have listened to them, either.

I dunno where I'm really trying to go with this, but I guess the fact she was offended that we moved and think her son is capable of learning how to sit still for our pastor's relatively short evening sermons is what bothered me. Really, evening services at this church rarely go beyond the hour mark, if that.

Thoughts/flames/what have you?

[XiaoTortuga]

1. A LOT of people need to stop breeding.
2. Children should be treated with respect as human beings, that includes expecting them to behave. If the kid needs amusement during an hour long service bring a coloring book or something.
3. Generally, learn how to parent and raise your kids right. If you can't, don't get your panties in a bunch that I don't want to put up with you or your crotch fruit.

[jackfaire]

What saddens me is that many of these parents read parenting books that tell them to parent this way. Or at least that is what some parents tell me.

[KitterCat]

One hour? That’s it? I was expected to behave at the age of 3 for 3 hour long services. Admittedly until about age 5 I could move around a little bit in our pew, and color in a book my parents brought for me, but that was it. And if they’d gotten half of what that lady said I would have been dragged out of the church for a swift whack to the behind.

People really need to start giving their children some credit. They are not idiots and teaching them to behave should be the norm, not the exception.

[HYHYBT]

To Mom: Take the child out of the sanctuary if either of you is making noise.

To LadyBarbossa: they sit directly behind you, no matter where you sit? Have you tried sitting directly in front of someone else, so they can't do that?

[joe hx]

does your church provide a nursery for little kids during the service?

[LadyBarbossa]

To LadyBarbossa: they sit directly behind you, no matter where you sit? Have you tried sitting directly in front of someone else, so they can't do that?

Yeah. Unfortunately it turns out she was, or was under the impression that she was awesome friends with the people we sat in front of and they moved aside to make space for her.

does your church provide a nursery for little kids during the service?

They have a great nursery, and won't let anyone work in it until they've been background checked and CPR certified. But generally, the nursery is not the place for six year olds. They usually have the AWANA program on Sunday evenings, but there wasn't any this week since it's a holiday weekend and more than half of their club members and leaders are traveling or entertaining guests. Some people just opt to stay home, but most of them bring their kids into the service and have them sit still, or entertain themselves by drawing or coloring. There is a young married couple that attends often, and I'm pretty sure all their kids are under 7. Each and every one of them sits through the morning service with no trouble, and they don't even have books or crayons. And the morning service tends to run from 90 minutes to two hours. I grew up in church and my parents had me sitting still by the age of 3.

It's not just church either, really. I've been to movies where kids who looked 8 or older were up and down every five minutes, jogging up and down the isles, opening the door, closing the door, asking someone 5 seats down to pass the candy and then making a big ordeal about passing it back, etc. It's just crazy.

[HYHYBT]

Six years is way too old for a nursery, anyway.

If she's getting others to move just to sit behind you, and she knows you don't like her sitting behind her, and she's making noise through the whole service (or what of it she's there for) that throws it into the category of intentional harassment. I think, if it were me, I'd speak with the pastor.

[protege]

And if they’d gotten half of what that lady said I would have been dragged out of the church for a swift whack to the behind.

Me too! If I acted like that, my mother would have picked me up by the shirt, and hauled my ass out to the car...followed with a spanking and/or not being allowed to watch TV or play with my Legos. But, you can't do that now--too many idiots will scream "child abuse." Oddly enough, I turned out fine

Then we have kids like the 5-year-old across the street. More than once, I've heard him screaming because his mom tells him to come inside after dinner. Keep in mind that I'm in the *back* of the house, my windows are closed...and I can hear every word. One night, as he was wailing away, I was actually thinking of calling the cops.

Never came to that, as the guy who lives *right* next door, finally had enough of it. He actually told the mother something along the lines of "I work an early shift. Thanks for waking me up. Either you shut him up, or *I'll* do it for you." Since then, it's been insanely quiet over there

[tropicsgoddess]

Like hell begging and pleading for a child to behave works. It's nice to have a good relationship with your child, but a line has to be drawn somewhere and that line cannot be crossed.The parents has to show the child that they should be respected and obeyed and if the child doesn't see that, the child will walk all over the parent.