It's my body dammit!

[Luna]

I'm not starting an abortion thread. I would like to discuss birth control, pros and cons of - problems with and why on earth doctors won't let women get their tubes tied. I would like to discuss why women are forced to be lab rats for drug companies.

I'm having serious issues on the generic of Seasonale. It is nice to have your "friend" once every 4 months, which is the main reason why I started using it and not the usual once every month pill. But then my insurance raised the copay and it went from $60 every 3 months to $120. I couldn't pay that. The generic is only $30 for 3 months. For the past 3 years I've been pretty miserable and have gained a LOT of weight. I chalked this up to home and family problems, family deaths, losing friends, job changes and everything else. But my life is somewhat stable now and I've been doing research - and I've determined it must be this drug.

I'm going back to the OBGYN next Monday b/c they screwed up my pap smear and they have to do it all over again. I am going to ask to have my tubes tied so I don't have to take any birth control anymore. When I mentioned this to my MIL this afternoon - she immediately barked out: "You're TOO YOUNG!"

It's my body. I will be 32 years old in February. By definition at hospitals I've gone to - my eggs are useless to be donated and despite my good intentions of wanting to donate, I was turned away as if I were offering burnt bacon to them. So my eggs aren't good enough to be given to women who desperately want children, but theses "rotten eggs" are okay if I conceive??

What other choices are women given? Okay, let's say married women like me. Sure there are condoms, which takes away all feeling for hubby and leaves wife with reactions to the latex. There's the pill - which has emotional and physically messed me up not to mention cost me a LOT of money through the years. Or, an easy surgery which no one will let me do.

I hate to sound so tin foil hat here, but it feels like the doctors are in cahoots with the drug companies to make as much money off of me as possible. Letting me have this simple surgery would cut off that guaranteed money. If I were to become pregnant - that's even more guaranteed money for the doctors. Do I sound paranoid? How old is old enough? Must I dye my hair gray and purchase a walker before someone will do this for me? I'm old enough to be married, rent, lease a car, buy a car, pay taxes, and work and have children - but I'm NOT old enough to decide that I don't want to ever have children? How is that?

Please, I don't want this to turn into a child-free debate. I love my nephew and niece. They are precious to me in ways I can't even describe. They enable me to feel again, something I didn't think I could do anymore.

My point is that you'd think that women by now would have revolted and demanded birth control that doesn't have so many side effects. I can't be the only one, can I?

Thoughts? Experiences?

[Greenday]

I don't want kids myself. Honestly, I just cannot stand lil kids that run around and annoy the hell out of everyone. The thought of having to get up all night, then spend my entire day working in a crime lab with no sleep does not sound appetizing. But because I'm only nearly 20 years old, doctors would laugh at me if I suggested getting snipped. Yea, it's a decently permanent decision, but they aren't the ones living with it, I am. So who are they to tell me I'd regret it? I mean, let's say in 10 years I REALLY don't want kids. Obviously I won't regret it. Will they still tell me I'll regret it even when it's obvious I won't?

[TennesseeWhiskey]

Well, the long and short of it is there are some dumbasses out there who screwed it up for the rest of us. For some reason, they didn't think permanent was PERMANENT, and whenever the child they had before their tubes tied died, they gave up starter hubby for hubby # 2, they threw immortal fits about "not being able to give him a baybee", so a lot of doctors are gun shy about tying tubes, especially for those of us who haven't had a child, because, "You'll change your mind".

Have you checked on essure? It's permanent birth control too, but a bit different than a tubal. I've read up on it, and, it sounds like it's not quite as invasive, and the recovery is a bit easier, from what I've read.

I'm 37, and, my doc has pretty much told me, okay, let me know. I just need to wait til after the hellidays are over. I go in for my annual lube and filter change (Pap smear, but, hey, I gotta make fun of it) in a couple weeks, so I'll see what I can't line up. I think, after all these years when they do the "do you have children" or "is it possible for you to be pregnant" questions at the sign in at the doctor's complex, getting "Oh HELL no!" for answer #1 and " I sure better not be, or CVS pharmacy's gonna have some 'splainin' to do, Lucy", delivered with a smile, I think they done figured out, Whiskey ain't mommy material to anyone other than her cat. That, and the fact that if I did screw up and couldn't have a kid, it's name would be "Dammitahdonetoleyew" (ok, say out loud with a thick Southern drawl, it'll make sense)

[Seshat]

I investigated Essure. Talked to a few doctors. One such conversation had a section like this:

"You understand that it's permanent?"
"Yes. That's why I want it."
"Oh. Well. I think maybe you should go away and think about it a bit more."

Basically, wanting it because it's permanent upset the doctor and he didn't want to give me the Essure treatment!


It's my body. I don't trust hormonal birth control because my hormones are totally screwed up anyway - and I don't like the idea of intentionally screwing up hormones. My weight changes (see hormonal screwups) too frequently for the diaphragm or the cap to be reliable.

All I'm left with (that's in my control) is condoms, IUDs and permanent methods, and doctors refuse to use the permanent methods on women who haven't had children yet. Fortunately, I don't have a retrovert uterus, so I can use an IUD. Otherwise I'd be left with condoms or nothing.

It really annoys me.

[AFPheonix]

If Quasense isn't cutting the mustard for you, check with your insurance to see if having the doctor write "brand medically necessary" will drop your copay down to a more reasonable level. Also, maybe have them price out Yaz or Yasmin, too, if you haven't tried those. There's another BC that's dispensed like Seasonale, called Seasonique, that you also may price out and check with your doctor about. There's plenty of low dose hormone BC's out there that can be taken continuously so as to avoid your period.

TennesseeWhiskey has it just right that there are idiots out there who are sue happy enough that they keep other people from getting the elective procedures that they want. Doctors are just covering their asses since they've seen enough women come around who were adamant that they didn't want kids, and then pulled a 180. They are safer just having their patients on a chemical birth control than performing a permanent one.

As for me, I adore the birth control that I'm on now. I started on Depo, and while the no period thing was great, the being constantly hungry, totally losing my sex drive, and spotting when it got close to a booster shot wasn't so cool. I switched to the patch, and I don't get zits, I don't cramp or bleed too heavily when it's period time, and I like doin' the nasty again. I don't want to be permanently sterilized, because I'm still on the fence about having a child. I have no maternal drive at this point, but who knows, maybe a few years down the line I'll get there. So until then, I'll keep my options open.

[Boozy]

Possibly TMI ahead (which is really unlike me):

Birth control hormones, even in low doses, absolutely cripple me with migraines. My husband and I use the observational method of natural family planning (NFP). It has a remarkably high success rate (about 98%) for women with regular cycles who use the method correctly.

It is NOT the calendar rhythm method; I take my basal body temperature once a day among a few other things (which I will not get into here ). Paying attention to your body eventually becomes second-nature; I can say with virtual certainty the day I ovulate.

NFP is now the official recommended method by the Catholic Church. I personally don't recommend it to people who are a) incapable or unwilling to check themselves over every single day and chart their findings, and b) abstain from sex when your body is telling you its fertile.

Frankly, I'd prefer the pill, but this is a decent alternative for me. As a bonus, when my husband and I are ready to have children, I'll know exactly the best day to start.

[linguist]

have you ever heard of ladycomp? it works on the same premise as the nfp boozy was talking about, but it keeps track of your cycle for you and removes the guesswork, dividing the days in your cycle into green (nonfertile, safe for sex without precaution), yellow (possibly fertile, use a backup method) and red (almost certainly fertile, sex should be avoided). i can't speak from personal experience (though my wife and i are considering giving it a try, as hormonal birth control did a number on her, too), but a friend of mine uses it and swears by it. it's never steered her wrong. in fact, when she and her husband did decide to have kids, they conceived the first time they had unprotected sex on a red day.

you have to order it from overseas, and it is a bit pricey--415 euros, a little over $600 at current exchange rates--but it's a one-time expense vs. the continuing expense of other forms of birth control (surgery excluded, of course). it seems well worth it to me.

[Brede]

I'm on the implant, and it can mess you around something chronic. I'm on it as it's the only contraceptive that Im not allergic to, and it's great if you are in a long term relationship and no longer want to take the pill.

However, my side effects have been very, very, VERY irregular periods. ANd if you are sensitive to hormonal medication, it would not be a good option.

[Seshat]

I wouldn't personally trust such a tracking method, because my body is so screwed up. But for those with regular cycles and healthy bodies, it should work well. I applaud you.

[NightAngel]

Okay, so delving into what could be considered TMI...

My tubes are tied and have been for 7 years now. The plus side is my hubby and I enjoy a sex life free of worry about more babies and not having to worry about condoms, did I take my pill, etc, etc.

The DOWN SIDE is pretty bad though.
You are proposing a very invasive surgery on your body. There is nothing "simple" about it.

The only reason I had it done was because I HAD to have a C-Section and since they were going to be in there anyway I figured they may as well go ahead and do it. If I hadn't my hubby was going to have a Vasectomy- we had it all set up. I know some men scoff at the idea but it's SO MUCH EASIER for men than women. It's not even considered a major surgery for them and they can go back to work the same day even!

Tubal is painful to recover from AND there are side effects that the doctors don't really warn you about. Now, this is all stuff that is pretty universal amoung myself and all the women I know who have had this done so I'm not just talking out my ears. If you delve into some deep research on the subject you'll discover Tubal isn't always the best option either.

Your body will CHANGE after you have the surgery. You may drastically gain or lose weight, your hormonal balance will not be... balanced and you will feel different.
My body has been trying to decide if it wants to go into Menopause or not ever since. My hubby insists that I'm in Menopause and have been ever since the surgery.

I'm having a Hot Flash right now. I've been having them for about a week- they suck! They'll go away after awhile- I know, this isn't the first time since the surgery I've been in "Menopause".
Now that I'm 7 years out from it I can tell you that it does get easier and your body eventually levels out SOME but it's never the same again.

ALSO your periods may get MUCH heavier and your cramps may get MUCH worse.
The voice of experience talking here.

Read up on Tubal Ligation Syndrome.
It's VERY REAL- believe me!!!

Have your hubby get a Vasectomy instead. Trust me on this.

[Seshat]

That's very useful information, NightAngel, and I'm glad you shared it.

I have PCOS - I experience many of the menopausal symptoms, while simultaneously dealing with the ickier side of menstruation. You have my sympathy and understanding regarding hot flushes!

[NightAngel]

You're welcome and thanks for the sympathy. *passes chocolate*

I'd only recommend TL if, like me, they're going in there anyway and, unlike me, the person is fully aware of what can happen and wants it anyway. If I had known what the aftermath was going to be like my hubby would've still had the Vasectomy.

Overall, unless it's a life saving proceedure, I don't think you should allow yourself to be opened up and mucked about in.

Although it has been the source of a running (gross) joke between my hubby and I. He was with me when I had the surgery so now we say that he's the only one allowed to 'hate my guts' because he's the only one who's seen them. LOL

[Seshat]

An ultrasound tech once told me I have 'a very pretty uterus'. Beauty is not skin deep!

(accepts chocolate and offers evening primrose oil capsules)

[Amethyst Hunter]

I also find it disgusting that a man can get Viagra covered by insurance, no questions asked, while most insurances refuse to puke up one cent for women's birth control or sterilization procedures. Gender equality, my ass, there is.

I do agree that there is a definite racket going on what with doctors pushing unnecessary drugs/tests/etc. at people. I also think that there is a similar thing going on with the current child-centric culture in this country (United States). Increasing tax credits for the more kids that people have (Not that I'm against helping genuinely needy people, but why can't people who are caretakers for, say, their other relatives like elderly parents get tax breaks?). Magazines blaring "OMG Your Fertility Is Going To Expire RIGHTNOW!!" and trumpeting the latest celebrity-who-likely-shouldn't-be-having-kids-for-any-number-of-valid-reasons that got knocked up. The frightening and very real suppression of *correct* and factual information about scientific- and healthcare-related matters thanks to the assministration that's running this country (into the ground) while simultaneously refusing to do a damn thing to make it any easier for all those kids they want born (for their Forever War that they've started).

Add in all those stereotypical fairytale cultural images of the Perfect American Life complete with white picket fence and 2.5 Perfect kids with the Perfect Spouse that are continually handed down, even as research has proven that that life is *not* all it's cracked up to be, and was never nearly as wonderful as the nostalgics who want the 1950s-style of When Women Knew Their Place to come back claim it was - and you have a recipe that breeds (no pun intended) a serious load of problems.

There's also the general reluctance to reform the adoption system so that people who do want kids, but for whatever health reason can't physically have them via natural means, can adopt without 1) having to wade through a shitload of unnecessary red tape and expense (Mind you, there NEEDS to be a good stopgap in place so that kids don't get placed with abusive homes), and 2) engaging in insanely expensive and painful fertility treatments that risk opening up a whole 'nother can of worms.

I honestly think that a good portion of this 'let's-string-women-along' mentality stems from socially-acceptable and sanctioned sexism. Much of it is so ingrained from childhood that many people aren't even aware of it, and that's partly why it persists.

Myself, I will be starting the Yaz pill soon because of unresolved health issues, and I really hope it works. I do very much want to get sterilized someday, either through tubal or Essure, both because I'm sure that I don't ever want kids and for personal peace of mind. I'm not active, but there is always the threat of assault - and I *would* have an abortion in that case if I had to literally throw myself down a flight of stairs to do it. Rather than wind up in that sort of extreme, I see sterilization as a precautionary measure - ounce of prevention versus pound of cure and all that.

[NightAngel]

An ultrasound tech once told me I have 'a very pretty uterus'.

Yeah, doctors everywhere get excited about my Uterus because it's bicornuate.
Isn't it great having cool insides?