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I've heard it before. I've been told it. Even after having my heart tore out, I was told to basically suck it up. By the person that did it no-less. Something I'm still pretty pissed off about.
I do cry. Sometimes. I've cried during some movies. Not like WHAAAAAAAAAA, but I did have some tears. Like ending of Merlin with Sam Neil. Titanic. Little Miss Sunshine when grandpa died. There are others too.
I've cried when my pets died. When my first bird, a parakeet one was accidently stepped on by a /friend/ (Who later admitted she did it on purpose just to cause me pain), I asked for a day off work. I was in grief. That bird was my best friend who would cuddle with me. Get a little jealous when I was on a phone and fly over and peck at the phone til I got off so I would play with him. My boss didn't see why I should. I was told it was just animal. Get over it and get to work.
I was given another bird quickly. Two canaries. Both loved me. I got them from a pet store, and both were very friendly. One managed to sneak out and fly out my front door when it was open. It was during a snow period. I never found him. As such, the second one became very needy. She would fly and be with me all the time. It would sneak out and sleep next to me.
One day I awoke. She was under me. I still feel guilty. I knew I should have gotten a better lock on her door. I was in tears and trying to get off work. Again, boss told me to get over it and get to work. It was just a bird. Naturally several people saw me puffy eyed and was at least somewhat sympathic. Not one customer. He started to laugh. He thought it was the funniest damn thing he ever heard of. It was fucking awesome that I killed my own bird. In my rage I kicked him out of the store. He screamed names at me, stormed out and knocked over several displeys. When I told my manager, she said she'll talk to him. I wanted him out for insulting me, destroying displays, hostile work envorement.
I was told later by corporate that I was wrong to kick him out. They didn't want to be sued as the man didn't do anything. I was even told to APOLOGY to the sonofabitch. He did nothing wrong. It was just a bird. One I only had for a short time. They might understand if it was a cat or dog i had for years, but not a bird.
I refused to apolgy to that man. I never did. When he came in, I just tell him the total, bag his shit and that was it.
I have cried over my own lonelyness. I've cried over my sometimes overwhelming urge to terminate my life, because it would certanly make everyone's else life as easy. Then I get imagaes of my funeral, and it just.. gah.
I cried when my boss of five years, one that I treated like a sister and who she always claimed I was a brother. She invited me to her house for dinner with her family. She told me to save a little money up so she can take me to China when she went to visit family and show me her birthplace, got rid of me. For something I didn't even do. I was forced to another store, that has cause me alot more stress then anything else. I tried to talk to her, and she might wave or say hi, but that's it. I always knew she was a powerfreak, and that moment of getting her brother's girlfriend to be her assistant manager was just too good a moment to pass up I suppose. But still, It felt like my heart got wrench even further out, and that was shortly after another dump in my life that just really caused me to go bananas.
So yeah. I cry sometimes. But I've been told time and time again to basically suck it up. be a man. Men cannot cry.
I didn't cry when I was stabbed. I didn't cry when I been smashed in the head with bottles. I didn't even cry when any family memebers have died. I cried when my pets died, and not family. That makes me guilty. I tend to be able to take a decent amount of phyiscally pain, which is likely why alot of people are helping me because this hip is making me CRY at times due to the pain.
Its emontional pain that gets me. I've tried to kill of my feelings. I tried to terminate any hope of love. But it still gets me everytime.
So. What are your views. Should men cry? Should men just bottle up? Am I just a big crybaby?
I do cry. Sometimes. I've cried during some movies. Not like WHAAAAAAAAAA, but I did have some tears. Like ending of Merlin with Sam Neil. Titanic. Little Miss Sunshine when grandpa died. There are others too.
I've cried when my pets died. When my first bird, a parakeet one was accidently stepped on by a /friend/ (Who later admitted she did it on purpose just to cause me pain), I asked for a day off work. I was in grief. That bird was my best friend who would cuddle with me. Get a little jealous when I was on a phone and fly over and peck at the phone til I got off so I would play with him. My boss didn't see why I should. I was told it was just animal. Get over it and get to work.
I was given another bird quickly. Two canaries. Both loved me. I got them from a pet store, and both were very friendly. One managed to sneak out and fly out my front door when it was open. It was during a snow period. I never found him. As such, the second one became very needy. She would fly and be with me all the time. It would sneak out and sleep next to me.
One day I awoke. She was under me. I still feel guilty. I knew I should have gotten a better lock on her door. I was in tears and trying to get off work. Again, boss told me to get over it and get to work. It was just a bird. Naturally several people saw me puffy eyed and was at least somewhat sympathic. Not one customer. He started to laugh. He thought it was the funniest damn thing he ever heard of. It was fucking awesome that I killed my own bird. In my rage I kicked him out of the store. He screamed names at me, stormed out and knocked over several displeys. When I told my manager, she said she'll talk to him. I wanted him out for insulting me, destroying displays, hostile work envorement.
I was told later by corporate that I was wrong to kick him out. They didn't want to be sued as the man didn't do anything. I was even told to APOLOGY to the sonofabitch. He did nothing wrong. It was just a bird. One I only had for a short time. They might understand if it was a cat or dog i had for years, but not a bird.
I refused to apolgy to that man. I never did. When he came in, I just tell him the total, bag his shit and that was it.
I have cried over my own lonelyness. I've cried over my sometimes overwhelming urge to terminate my life, because it would certanly make everyone's else life as easy. Then I get imagaes of my funeral, and it just.. gah.
I cried when my boss of five years, one that I treated like a sister and who she always claimed I was a brother. She invited me to her house for dinner with her family. She told me to save a little money up so she can take me to China when she went to visit family and show me her birthplace, got rid of me. For something I didn't even do. I was forced to another store, that has cause me alot more stress then anything else. I tried to talk to her, and she might wave or say hi, but that's it. I always knew she was a powerfreak, and that moment of getting her brother's girlfriend to be her assistant manager was just too good a moment to pass up I suppose. But still, It felt like my heart got wrench even further out, and that was shortly after another dump in my life that just really caused me to go bananas.
So yeah. I cry sometimes. But I've been told time and time again to basically suck it up. be a man. Men cannot cry.
I didn't cry when I was stabbed. I didn't cry when I been smashed in the head with bottles. I didn't even cry when any family memebers have died. I cried when my pets died, and not family. That makes me guilty. I tend to be able to take a decent amount of phyiscally pain, which is likely why alot of people are helping me because this hip is making me CRY at times due to the pain.
Its emontional pain that gets me. I've tried to kill of my feelings. I tried to terminate any hope of love. But it still gets me everytime.
So. What are your views. Should men cry? Should men just bottle up? Am I just a big crybaby?
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