Child rape

[Jaden]

So tonight, at church, a female friend of mine revealed to me and another guy that her dad raped her as a child starting when she was 3, throughout her whole life up until she was a teenager. She said she just had to spend a whole week with him (she's 18), and how all of her relationships with guys have been warped because of this. Her dad's told her that "You never said no, so it was ok," and has never apologized. She said she just had to tell somebody.

Additionally, another female friend of mine, a few years ago, had a friend who was being raped by her father at the time that she knew her. I asked her why she didn't report it, and my "friend" said "Because other than that, he's a cool person." HE'S A COOL PERSON?!!? What the hell?! Ignoring something like that is the same thing as assisting him. You are letting him destroy an innocent girl just because you like the guy?! Just because you think he's a good person besides that?! That's ridiculous! The most evil thing in the world is when good people see evil and do nothing to stop it.

I know most of you on here don't appreciate my conservative views and all that, but I don't think anybody's gonna disagree how disgusting this is. I just really wanted to get this off my chest.

[Amethyst Hunter]

Her dad's told her that "You never said no, so it was ok," and has never apologized.

Oh no. No no no no no no no no NOOOOOOOOO.

Rape. Is. NEVER. OK. I don't care what the circumstances are. I don't care if a female - any female - walks bare-assed naked down a busy city sidewalk in summer in front of a construction crew. RAPE. IS. NEVER. OK.

(Incidentally, this is why child molesters are universally despised in prison and often the first to get whacked by the other prisoners. You just don't abuse kids. Ever.)

Is there any way your friend can report this to the police? I don't know anything about statute of limitations... I would STRONGLY encourage her to stay as far away as possible from this guy for her own sake (assuming that's possible; geography for instance might make that a little harder)!

I asked her why she didn't report it, and my "friend" said "Because other than that, he's a cool person." HE'S A COOL PERSON?!!? What the hell?! Ignoring something like that is the same thing as assisting him. You are letting him destroy an innocent girl just because you like the guy?! Just because you think he's a good person besides that?!

I don't think she really *does* think that he's a "cool person". This kind of thinking is very common for sexual assault victims - they blame themselves first before the abuser ("I was wearing the wrong thing"/"I shouldn't have done this or that"/"He can't control himself, it's my fault" ad nauseum). Especially if the abuse has been going on for a long time, it's very easy for abusers to warp their victim's train of thought and twist them into believing that they deserved it, it's not really wrong, etc.

Or perhaps he threatened her at some point - "If you tell anybody what we've been doing, I'll do X to you or someone you care about" and the victim is afraid to confess for fear of bringing down those retaliations. Although, since she's told you, I don't think this is the case in this instance - more like the abovementioned pattern of thought.

I agree, though, that it needs to be reported - even if only to a crisis center specifically trained to deal with rape victims. These women need counseling to help them unlearn some of the damage that's been done to them (fyi, it is also very common for rape victims who were first abused in childhood to go on to choose destructive relationships).

As for the abusers, well, I won't mince words: I hope they find a nice steaming hot poker jammed up their Hershey Highways in that good 'ol place where snowballs stand no chance.

[Jaden]

I don't think she really *does* think that he's a "cool person". This kind of thinking is very common for sexual assault victims - they blame themselves first before the abuser ("I was wearing the wrong thing"/"I shouldn't have done this or that"/"He can't control himself, it's my fault" ad nauseum). Especially if the abuse has been going on for a long time, it's very easy for abusers to warp their victim's train of thought and twist them into believing that they deserved it, it's not really wrong, etc.

Oh, no, it wasn't the victim herself who told me, it was a friend of mine who knew the victim. I wouldn't be mad at her if it was the actual victim, and I would've reported it myself had it been. Heck, I would have anyways if I knew who the victim was.

I'm mad at the friend of the victim who told me about it, then said she wasn't going to report it because she likes him as a person. This particular incident, btw, happened a few years ago. The thing that happened tonight, when the girl confessed her father had raped her, just reminded me of it. It's very sick and saddening to hear about, and I wish I could've done something

[Amethyst Hunter]

Oh, no, it wasn't the victim herself who told me, it was a friend of mine who knew the victim.

Yeah, I realized that after rereading my post. My bad.

I'm mad at the friend of the victim who told me about it, then said she wasn't going to report it because she likes him as a person.

People who commit rape aren't likeable, nor are they trustworthy. Depending on her location, she could be charged as an accessory to a criminal act, if she knew about it but didn't say anything. (again, I'm not versed in law enforcement enough to know anything about procedures and such)

It IS sad - rape is possibly the most evil way to destroy someone. The effects last a lifetime, no matter how manageable they might become in time (with a lot of help).

[Seshat]

And a three year old is supposed to "say no" to her parent? In a meaningful way, over something she can't comprehend? Or a thirteen year old, with ten years of having been taught that this is something Daddy just does?

Nah, the father is completely at fault. And yes, both victims should go to rape counsellors and get the help they need. The counsellor will also be able to help them with whatever legal assistance and support is available in their jurisdiction.

[Hello Kitty]

This makes mE ILL. Jesu! The dad is in total denial and I SURE HOPE he does not have access to any little kids. UGH. The daughter needs to report this, even if they can't prosecute. I'm going to go throw up now...