How do the kids survive their non-parents

[LexiaFira]

This comes from seeing all the "parent of the year award" or various versions of on cs.com

At one point the parent or parents had to be at least good or decent parents for their 3, 4 or older kids to get as old as they did or...they would have been taken away or worse by now. But then again this is a hope that they were taken thus why some people aren't parents.

The point being that at some point the mom or dad WERE good parents until something happened to make them be as inattentive, uncaring and general asshats of parents that they are now if not worse. I will not hesitate to call a parent out for hitting their child for crying.
Children and babies cry it happens so why are you punishing them as babies when thats all they know how to do to tell you somethings wrong. When it hurts did you not cry and freak out omg it hurts? They aren't mini adults people they are KIDS with less understanding and pain tolerance than an adult, and WAY shorter attention span.
Even worse don't punish them when potty training accidents happen. Hell when you just can't make it to the bathroom for whatever reason does your mom or best friend or whoever is with you beat you for it or insult you for not being able to hold it? NO! accidents happen.

SO when I see a neglectful parent i have to wonder what happened for that person not to care at this point and that they had to be doing something right for the kid to make it this far in age.

Makes me want to join CPS and save the kids even if it means taking them home with me just to protect them. I've seen what happens when kids are parted from bad parents, and wanted to scream why care now when you didn't care then, why cry now that your child is going to a better place when you didn't give a damn? This happened with my youngest half sister, dad threw a huge scene when their mother came to get her. I threw my own scene afterwords and since then never saw either again. Far as I know both half sisters are doing well, could care less about my worthless father. (long LONG bad history there)


rant over.

[BlaqueKatt]

Children and babies cry it happens so why are you punishing them as babies when thats all they know how to do to tell you somethings wrong.

Two words-Gary Ezzo

He wrote a parenting book called "on becoming babywise-Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep"-telling soon-to-be or new parents that the newborn child crying was an attempt to manipulate them and the child should be punished for it-he interspersed his ramblings about "proper child raising" with bible quotes to back him up. Also telling parents that a 7week-old infant should be sleeping through the entire night-um no they shouldn't-heck at 34 I don't sleep through the night-have to use the restroom or get a drink of water-etc. He was also big on "parent-directed-feeding" which translates into-"babies should only eat when we as adults think they should, and not a second sooner by the clock, so they learn 'discipline' "

Because as we all know babies only pretend to be hungry or thirsty to control their parents

[Rageaholic]

Don't get me started on those religious parenting books. I've heard of others which encourged a "spanking ritual" for every infraction. There's been accounts of children screwed up as a result of parents following the teachings in the book. But oh! He uses bible verses to back it up so they must be right!

[BigGiant]

I was raised in a single parent household for most of my life (Dad left when I was 2, and Mom didn't remarry until I was 17).

I'm the youngest, 2 older sisters and one older brother. My mom was in college getting her associates degree until I was in 1st grade.

My oldest sister took care of us while mom was at work (7 years older than me).

By the time I was in 6th grade, all the other kids had left the house (one married, one went to stay with my father, one moved out when she was 18), so it was just me and my mom.

By the time I was in 7th grade, my mom was going to the bar every night, and I was tucking myself in. She wasn't a horrible parent, just not what you'd call "traditional" (I imagine most aren't traditional).

Here I am, years later, with a fantastic job, my own house (which we never had as a kid), and my own family.

My point I guess is, that many times, parenting is way over rated. I've seen folks that are the greatest parents end up with the worst kids (jail, drugs, whatnot) and vice-versa too many times to think that parenting is all there is to human nature and behavioral development. I think there is plenty of "nurture" involved, but there is also a ton of "nature".

That's not to say that abusive parents don't exist, and that there shouldn't be something done about them...I just think that lately we've swung too far when it comes to "nurture"....it seems the best thing to blame when it comes to societal woes is parenting.

Yet I don't think that's actually the case.

[AdminAssistant]

I was recently on an airplane (my first flight), and there were quite a few babies and young children on the first half of that flight. And so many people were bitching that the babies were crying. I'm sorry, but I was scared and I'm a grown ass woman. Add to that the pain of changing pressure...and do you give a baby gum so that it will pop its ears? No. And once the plane reached cruising altitude, most of the kiddies calmed down. So, yeah, now I completely understand why kids might be a bit fussy on a plane, although I don't get why people are all, "OMG get your screamin' brats off here!!!"

[LexiaFira]

must destroy Gary Ezzo as he knows nothing of children. seeing that just brings almost instant rage
the day a man - and this is directed at men who think they know how to raise kids and are so far off they only cause more damage - can go the full nine months and deliver by birth or c-section is the day i will listen to one.
There ARE very caring and nurturing fathers out there, or they want to be but are so overwhelmed by their fear of actually doing harm that they don't do much that its rare.
however I reiterate the fact that a baby's brain is not large enough to get vocabulary until a certain age. also the fact that until a certain age or months where they can bable crying is the only means of communication they have in those first three to four months until facial expressions start coming in.
this gets a bit weird for some fair warning
from creation until birth that baby basically is comfortable, sleeps and eats whenever s/he wants and is safe and warm. So the moment said child is brought into the world all that changes and omg its cold, hey i'm tired and starving what the hey! that and being pushed out of my comfort place this is no fun at all.

yeah i know.
same as Admin said, the plane taking off is pretty scary for the first time for kids or first time flyers so good grief.
I've given evil glares back to any who give them to me when DD fusses at the store. she's allowed to fuss its not like i'm ignoring her and i can tell the difference between an i'm bored fuss and i'm hungry fuss, alot of people cannot.

yeah.....my daughter cries at me to control me. riiight, she is still learning to crawl good grief
I apologize for the excessive rant....but rrr that just...i don't understand how someone can give birth to a child and NOT be changed

[KnitShoni]

It is possible that some cries ARE for control. Not every cry a child utters is because something is wrong. Or, rather, the something that is wrong is simply the child not getting something they want, which, depending on their age, is generally a parent's attention (though, newborns tend to not do that).

That being said, who is this Gary Ezzo person, and where did he come up with "parent-directed feeding?" That doesn't even make sense to me. And since when do 7-week olds sleep through an entire night? I was jumping for joy when my daughter slept 5 hours at that age.

Even worse don't punish them when potty training accidents happen. Hell when you just can't make it to the bathroom for whatever reason does your mom or best friend or whoever is with you beat you for it or insult you for not being able to hold it? NO! accidents happen.

I got into it with my sister-in-law over this issue. She adopted a 10 year old who had been in and out of the foster system, and, because of her life until then, has some issues with bed-wetting. My sister-in-law's way of dealing with it? Telling everyone about it, and embarrassing her by pointing out that my daughter (who is now four) doesn't wet the bed, so why does she? She has not gotten any sort of counseling for my niece, or even showed anything but contempt for her when this happens. I'm not even going to get into her constantly calling the child fat (she's not), lazy (she plays soccer), and stupid (she's an A-B student).

[Mikkel]

Children are tough and usually when people lose control of their lives there are often drinking companions or such who will feed the kids when mum and dad are to drunk to care. Even junkies have their moments and will help.
It's not a nice way to grow up and it will leave scars but if the children aren't alone with their parents all the time they won't die.

[ExRetailDrone]

I got into it with my sister-in-law over this issue. She adopted a 10 year old who had been in and out of the foster system, and, because of her life until then, has some issues with bed-wetting. My sister-in-law's way of dealing with it? Telling everyone about it, and embarrassing her by pointing out that my daughter (who is now four) doesn't wet the bed, so why does she? She has not gotten any sort of counseling for my niece, or even showed anything but contempt for her when this happens. I'm not even going to get into her constantly calling the child fat (she's not), lazy (she plays soccer), and stupid (she's an A-B student).

This makes me incredibly sad for your poor niece The foster system is infamous for poor conditions, especially as children grow older within the confines since I've heard that it is more difficult to adopt out older children in comparison to babies and toddlers. I'm sorry, but it sounds like your sister-in-law should never have adopted in the first place, at least not an older child. Bed wetting in older children isn't uncommon when there has been trauma and/or abuse in the child's past, and embarrassing the poor girl will certainly not make it any better

[anakhouri]

My mother-in-law actually told me I was holding my son too much and should let him cry. My reply was, "He's TWO WEEKS OLD."

Of course as kids get older they learn to manipulate with tears and tantrums, but not as newborns.

As for bad parents...it's not necessarily that people with multiple children got tired of parenting or anything. They were probably always bad parents and the older kids just got lucky. Lots of people survive neglectful childhoods; God looks out for babies and fools, yes?

[Red Panda]

I got into it with my sister-in-law over this issue. She adopted a 10 year old who had been in and out of the foster system, and, because of her life until then, has some issues with bed-wetting. My sister-in-law's way of dealing with it? Telling everyone about it, and embarrassing her by pointing out that my daughter (who is now four) doesn't wet the bed, so why does she? She has not gotten any sort of counseling for my niece, or even showed anything but contempt for her when this happens. I'm not even going to get into her constantly calling the child fat (she's not), lazy (she plays soccer), and stupid (she's an A-B student).

While the abuse your sister in law is giving the girl may be enough to make her wet the bed it is also possible that sexual trauma can cause damage that can cause bed wetting. If this girl has been all over the system she may have ended up in the hands of somebody whose intentions are not pure.

the day a man - and this is directed at men who think they know how to raise kids and are so far off they only cause more damage - can go the full nine months and deliver by birth or c-section is the day i will listen to one.

What does being able to give birth have to do with raising the kid? I can buy crust and apples but that doesn't mean I know how to bake a pie.

[crashhelmet]

What does being able to give birth have to do with raising the kid?

Agreed. There are far too many unfit mothers out there for your argument to hold water.

CH

[LexiaFira]

thats part of the rant, how can someone have a child and not be changed mother or father.

i fail to see that. as in I cannot fathom having a child and not change as a person in a good way. I tried to and did not get far. So it bothers me when i see bad mothers or hear tales of it.

I apologize as my rant did get one sided and was not directed at ALL men just those that i head of that abuse or mistreat their kids or fail to be dads.
I also understand that some people don't want to be or are not parents or meant to be by choice or just incapable. But that also gets into the rant that if you don't want to be a parent use protection or abstinence. As I said a different rant.

[anakhouri]

I kind of see where you are coming from Lexa, maybe in a different way. When I was pregnant I chose to use a midwife because I felt no man could really tell me how to have a baby- since they can't do it themselves.

Then I had to have a c-section and the surgeon on duty ended up being a man. And he did a damn fine job of it. So yeah, I felt silly.

[blas87]

I felt the same about male gynos.....until I was recommended to one because of my female issues and he ended up being way more sympathetic and understanding than my regular doctor.