Helicopter Parents = Great Parents in Custody Cases

[IDrinkaRum]

Want to win custody during a divorce? Become a helicopter parent

Essentially according to the article, if you can prove you're the parent who texts their child 30+ times a day, coaches whatever sports team child is on, and practicaly does everything for their kid, the courts think this is wonderful and will award you custody. If you give your kids some independence, then you're not as good of a parent.

Not sure how I feel. All children need some sort of independence at some point. But really??? At the end of the article:

The belief behind it is that the more we love our children, the more hours we clock by their side. The problem with this is that if you take the time to teach your child how to tie his shoes, you don't have to spend the rest of your life tying them. Which means you don't have to spend quite as much time squatting next to his sneakers. Which could mean that, in the eyes of the law, you -- literally because you taught your child some independence -- are a bad parent. At least compared to the one who is still bending down, making bunny ears, year after year.

Why are we rewarding parents for stunting their kids?

Is this taking the thing in a completely non-serious direction? We shouldn't even teach our kids how to tie their shoes because then we're not "good parents"?

[McDreidel09]

Ugh. That is complete BS. Helicopter parents make me angry and sorry for the children who have to deal with them. I understand wanting to take an active part in your child's life by coaching a team or being the Brownie Leader or having conferences with the teacher or stuff like that. However, being by their side ALL the time does nothing for independence. Independence is never a bad thing. What are these kids going to do when it comes time to go to college or move out?

Helicopter parent does not mean a better parent. They cause maturity and dependency issues. This reminds me of a Wife Swap episode where one of the families had a mom who was really into behavior modification and would meet with the teacher every week, even though their children had 4.0 gpas. and her and her husband would come into their kids' classrooms every day to make sure their desks were clean. The kids never got to be with friends and had to be in car seats even though they were waaay over the age limit. They coached all of their sports and would run their after school study program.

[Greenday]

This is nothing new. They always give custody to the parent who takes all the time with the kid and doesn't even let the kid breathe on their own.

[Adoyle90815]

Helicopter parents have become such a big problem in universities, that there is an orientation for parents which includes a session on letting go and allowing their child to function on their own.

[IDrinkaRum]

Wow adoyle! I didn't realize helicopter parents are that bad.

I just don't understand helicopter parenting.

My mother was overprotective, sure, but she knew when to back off.

I have a special needs child, and she still hasn't grasped the concept of tying shoes, so I bought her some velcro shoes. At least now she can put her own sneakers on and make sure they're fastened. I even let her pick out her own breakfast (either Eggo pancakes or waffles - it's what she chooses, I don't force her).

The concept just makes me sad and gives me a headache at the same time.

[AdminAssistant]

Helicopter parents have become such a big problem in universities, that there is an orientation for parents which includes a session on letting go and allowing their child to function on their own.

*sigh*

Yeah, helicopter parents are a HUGE problem. I even get e-mails from parents, WTF? That reminds me...I haven't had the FERPA talk with my students yet, need to do that. (I can't discuss grades with parents or through e-mails) I have a couple of students who said they were from a certain extremely affluent KC suburb. I dread it, honestly. Their parents are probably the kind that donate lots of money to the university, so, of course their kids should get a free pass!

I just don't understand why the kids allow it. You're 18, you're going to college, move the HELL out of mom and dad's house and learn how to be an adult. If they threaten to cut your funding, take out loans. Go to a smaller school that's farther away. Cut through that umbilical cord with a chainsaw if you have to.

[Greenday]

My teachers would rip on students who had their parents call in about stuff. Not only can they not talk to them about grades, the teacher really can't talk to our parents about anything. When my mom questioned me waiting to do my internship until after my four years, she said she wanted to hear it from a teacher that it was normal. I practically had to beg a teacher just to get on the phone to talk to her. I had to call my mom and hand off my cell phone to a teacher since the teachers won't talk to parents on their landlines at work and will not call parents at all.

[AdminAssistant]

Nope. I mean, obviously if there's a serious concern about your kid's future or career or something...yeah, I'd sit down and talk to a parent. (This is a common occurrence in the arts - parents afraid their kids will be stuck waiting tables or some nonsense.) Or, of course, if the student gets very ill for a long period of time, is severely injured in an accident, etc. So, there are exceptions. But generally speaking, I don't want or need to talk to your parents. I need to talk to the student, and the student has to take responsibility for their own education.

[IDrinkaRum]

But Admin, that's the problem.

These kids have had their parents do everything for them since the day they were born. How can they learn to be independent when they've never been allowed to before?

[MaggieTheCat]

I agree with Rum, that is a problem. It was a problem for me, because my parents were helicopter-ish (they weren't as bad as some of these nut jobs I've heard about, but my mom still insisted on doing pretty much everything for me as long as I was living at home, from cooking to laundry to telling me to go to bed to waking me up even when I had an alarm set to telling me when I should wash my hair and brush my teeth. It drove me crazy.) I had to move out on my own to learn anything, and even then, since I was still living in town, she would randomly come over and do stuff while I was at work, like vacuum or wash the dishes. It wasn't until I moved to Texas with my boyfriend that I actually started being REALLY independent.

[Amanita]

I have a friend like this, she's in her 40's and it's NOT pretty. She has only very limited cooking skills, never graduated high school and has been on assistance the whole time I've known her.
She claims she does not want to leave her father alone overnight, that he's in such poor shape. But he still buys and cooks her food for her. She is a terrible dresser- almost everything of hers is wrinkled, ill-fitting, and even simple things like wearing the shoulder seams of one's shirt in the right place or adjusting one's shirt so it hangs evenly elude her.

It seems that nobody ever taught her this stuff, doing everything for her. So now she's just a hair above helpless. I may still live at home, but I can cook, do my laundry, iron wrinkly clothes, and generally look after my own stuff.

[KnitShoni]

It seems that nobody ever taught her this stuff, doing everything for her. So now she's just a hair above helpless. I may still live at home, but I can cook, do my laundry, iron wrinkly clothes, and generally look after my own stuff.

And, see, I don't understand people who DON'T raise their kids to be able to do these things. I've been doing my own laundry since I was 10, cooking since I was 12 (I don't cook now, but that's because my husband loves too. That's one way he unwinds. I think it's because he can make a mess and not have to clean it up.), ironing since forever. We've taught our kids the same (it took a bit longer because their mother is one of those parents who has to do everything for them).

I've already told my stepson that when he gets to college, he's pretty much on his own as far as dealing with stuff. We'll pay for it, but we're not getting involved in making sure he does what he's supposed to do.

[AdminAssistant]

But Admin, that's the problem.

These kids have had their parents do everything for them since the day they were born. How can they learn to be independent when they've never been allowed to before?

And the problem on the parents' end is that they've devoted 18 years to being ever present in the child's life. Then the child goes away and....what do they do now? Well, they apparently annoy you from a distance (or at least my mom does).

[Hobbs]

Helicopter parent does not mean a better parent. They cause maturity and dependency issues. This reminds me of a Wife Swap episode where one of the families had a mom who was really into behavior modification and would meet with the teacher every week, even though their children had 4.0 gpas. and her and her husband would come into their kids' classrooms every day to make sure their desks were clean. The kids never got to be with friends and had to be in car seats even though they were waaay over the age limit. They coached all of their sports and would run their after school study program.

What episode is this? It will greatly appease my late-night Youtube trollings

[McDreidel09]

What episode is this? It will greatly appease my late-night Youtube trollings

I don't know what episode it is. I just know it when I see it. But oh lordy, the helicopter mom looks like a leathery bag from all of her tanning and she has these big eyes that just pierce through your soul.

She admitted on the show that she is a control freak and she has been like that ever since she was little.

There was also an episode where a mom did EVERYTHING for her kids, including picking out her preteen son's clothes and putting gel in his hair. Those kids learned really quick what it is like for their mother to clean everything every day.