New mom stuff

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I'm not saying everyone is the same. Everyone ISN'T the same, and I certainly acknowledge that some women have a MUCH harder time than other women. However, I see a lot of women using their pregnancies as excuses to not care for themselves, and they end up paying the price.

As for breastfeeding, any woman who stands in judgement of another woman's choices is an idiot. Having breastfed, I wish I had a nickle for every time I thought seriously of throwing in the towel on it. It is NOT something you "just do" and the attitude that "Oh, it's a natural thing and it ought to be an easy enough thing for you to do" is extremely detrimental to women. It can be very, very difficult to do. It can be frustrating, excruciatingly painful, fraught with worry and guilt, and any number of other bad things I havent' even touched on. Some women who desperately want to do it just flat out can't.

Women do awful things to each other when they should be supporting each other. It sucks. Trying to lay a guilt trip on a mother for her choices, especially when a person does not know that mother's situation, is loathsome.

[Zyanya]

Trying to lay a guilt trip on a mother for her choices, especially when a person does not know that mother's situation, is loathsome.

I most heartily agree. That's why it annoys me to be lectured that 'if you'd just taken care of yourself your body wouldn't have been damaged by the pregnancy'.

My sister went from a D cup to an A cup after two pregnancies. Nothing she could do about it, and yes, she's upset that her boobs were ruined. I had the opposite problem and went from a D cup to a F cup and they are just now returning to 'normal' but they are not and short of surgery will not ever be firm and perky again.

I wore proper fitting bras and actually LOST weight during my pregnancy. There was no 'extra care' I could have taken. My body has been permanently altered, between stretch marks (run in the family), extra skin, and oh, yeah, the scar, I will never again be comfortable in a bikini. If I relied on my body for my career, or if I'd spent years sculpting my body because my appearance mattered to me, it easily would have been devastating.

And I fully admit that I am saddened by the loss of the firm, perky D-cups with just the right amount of jiggle. They'd been with me since 6th grade. Alas, the proud have fallen and short of surgery, my nipples will never again turn skyward. It doesn't make me a bad person or a bad mother that I care and wish they were the same as they ever were.

Should I have spent time on a treadmill? I'm sure it would have done wonders for the vertigo I kept experiencing. Stomach crunches? I'd imagine those would go wonderfully with morning sickness. Between the backaches, the foot problems, the exhaustion, morning sickness, vertigo, and that nasty habit of bleeding if I exerted myself to much, yeah, I'd eat some easy-make junk food rather than make a healthy dinner. I worked full time for most of my pregnancy. I guess that was my 'excuse not to take care of myself' and I'm just 'paying the price'. It just wasn't worth risking a miscarriage to go to the store for a salad when the pizza company was willing to deliver.

[Seshat]

I'm not saying everyone is the same. Everyone ISN'T the same, and I certainly acknowledge that some women have a MUCH harder time than other women. However, I see a lot of women using their pregnancies as excuses to not care for themselves, and they end up paying the price.

That may well be what you meant, but what you said was:

I dont' buy that having babies ruins your body. What ruins you body is not taking care of your body, particularly when pregnant. Your breasts are vulnerable when you are breastfeeding. Take extra care of them and you shouldn't have to worry about them being "ruined". Wear a proper fitting bra. Don't gain a bunch of weight so that you end up with stretchy skin and worn out muscles.

The two paragraphs convey entirely different ideas. The second doesn't have any statement (or any lead for the reader to infer) that you're only referring to pregnancies that go well, or to women who use their pregnancy as an excuse not to look after themselves.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Folks, I really didn't mean to offend anyone, and I apologize. I didn't do a very good job of expressing myself in a sensitive manner.

I don't honestly think that women who have problems brought it on themselves through their own negligence. I have had friends do that exact thing (n one case, a pregnant hypochondriac who decided that sleep, decent diet, and moderate exercise what something she was far too sick and weak to do, and ended up really messing herself up in the long run...and yeah, she really was a classic case hypochondriac and a recluse to boot. Long story. But I guess I was thinking of her and a couple others I know when I said that.), but I do understand that many women get dealt a bad hand through no fault of their own. I didn't mean to apply that one explanation fits all situations.

Again, I am sorry I came across as insensitive, it wasn't my intent.

[Seshat]

Apology accepted. Thank you for it.

[Hello Kitty]

Alright, what about Rosie O'Donnell - she stopped her spouse breastfeeding because she was jealous of the bonding occurring? Now *that* was selfish.

[Zyanya]

Alright, what about Rosie O'Donnell - she stopped her spouse breastfeeding because she was jealous of the bonding occurring? Now *that* was selfish.

If her spouse was dumb enough to do it, that's her problem.