Disabled services etiquette

[IDrinkaRum]

I need to apply for a handicapped tag or permanent license plate (whichever one they give to people with Autism). I'm not looking forward to this as the tag/plate will be for my daughter who is Autistic. She looks normal too. However, she's a runner. (Think Forrest Gump. Think Charlie Brown when he went off the track and into the the woods during some school race Peanuts special). Plus, she doesn't respond when Mommy cries out in abject terror to get her to return and I have to run (waddle/bounce/hippo trot) after her.

Also, I'm going to call my local sheriff's department to get a new fangled type of bracelet for Operation Childfind (I think that's what's it's called). If she runs & I can't find her, I press a button and the cops can find her. Whew. It will be a load off of my mind. XD Let me tell you.

[Seshat]

Give serious consideration to a leash, too. I know some people look at you strangely and some will probably even confront you about it. But this particular stranger on the internet would applaud you for it.

Keeping her safe is incredibly important. I know there's also the dignity and independence things to think about, but you have to have a balance between safety and dignity.



And on the topic of cars backing into us - thanks, Boozy. It was an awful experience.

[DesignFox]

People just need to watch where they're bloody going, period.

I agree with that sentiment. I've been shopping up a storm this week for a formal event, and I can't tell you how many nutcases go flying through parking lots like it's the Indy 500.

Disabled or not, it can be tough to get out of way!

I hope that person at least apologized for being a ninny, Seshat...

And I'm pro child leashes. My mom strapped one on me when I was a kid.

There's nothing wrong with watching out for your child's safety...especially if you feel that you can't chase her down, IDrinkaRum. The bracelet sounds like a good idea. I hope everything works out for you both!

[Saydrah]

I'm also all for the child leash! If she's autistic, she might be more comfortable with connecting to you by a leash than with physical contact, and it'd keep her safe.

[Hello Kitty]

I *had* to get leashes for my twins, luckily I got cute ones that look like stuffed animals so less dog leash looking. I got mostly positive responses "where'd you get that? so cute", but also did get the dirty looks and one comment "just like they were DOGS". Geesh, would you rather my kids be running all over the parking lot?? Some people just need to MYOB.

Once I overheard a woman speaking to her daughter in a public restroom. "Don't use the handicapped stall, go to a regular one!" I'm thinking, go mom! Then I hear "It's okay for me to be in this handicapped stall, since there are two handicapped stalls." Uhm....double standard, mom.

[Seshat]

Well, I had a run-in with another disabled person a couple of days ago. Entitlement bitch, I think. Sure, I had a bit of error in the situation myself, but I think she handled it much worse than I did.

I use a mobility scooter. The scooter fits on the train system we have here, and disabled people in scooters or wheelchairs are asked to wait at the first door behind the driver's cabin. The train driver will get out and set a ramp down for us to get in, and will do the same at the station we're getting off at.

Now, I've only travelled three times with the scooter, including this trip. So I'd never had a situation where another disabled person wanted to get on. So I just parked where it was easiest. That was my suck, and I'm not going to do that anymore.

This trip a couple of days ago, another disabled woman with a scooter wanted to get on the train. I got up and moved my scooter, apologising for leaving it in the way. To move it out of the way, I moved it so that it was facing in the direction of travel. There was another possible position that faced the direction of travel, though it was more awkward to get into - it'd take some back-and-forthing to get a scooter there, but it was doable. The only other place that would have been out of her way was the main aisle - in everyone else's way.

The other woman left her scooter in the position mine had been in originally - perpendicular to the direction of travel, and blocking mine in. I asked where she was getting off - it turned out she was getting off before me - so I nodded and left the scooters in that position. Didn't bother me that I was blocked in.

Then I got off my scooter and back onto a chair, since the scooters rock unpleasantly when the train is moving, no matter which way they face. It hurts. There were plenty of other chairs available, my scooter was now as out of the way as possible, and I felt I'd seemed approachable enough. The other woman looked stony and cold, so I took that to mean she wasn't interested in any sort of conversation and went back to reading my book.
She stayed on her scooter.

As we came up to her station, she started to talk about how uncomfortable the ride was. I indicated the available chairs, but she said she was getting off now. I was, I'll admit, completely nonplussed and confused. She started to lecture me on how inconsiderate I was. How she always pulled in facing the direction of travel (giving the indication that that was so it was out of the way), how her severely injured back was now in so much pain. She put a lot of emphasis on the severely injured back.

I'll admit, I couldn't think of anything to say. I just sat there like a deer in headlights and took it.

But honestly, looking back - what was I supposed to have done? Other than starting out by having my scooter parked as out of the way as possible, I can't think of anything I could have done better. I put it there as soon as I realised the extra space was needed, anyway.

If she'd wanted to stay on her scooter but facing the direction of travel, she could have managed it and I'd have helped if she'd asked. If she'd wanted me to put my scooter across the direction of travel, I'd have tried - but she'd have to have spoken up. Without her saying anything, how could I have known the arrangement didn't suit her needs?

I'm certainly not going to sit on my scooter during the trip. I deliberately travel off peak so that I'm not taking up needed space, and I'm NOT going to put myself in further pain just because someone thinks that 'if she can walk, she's not that disabled'.

Eh, it just bugs me. I don't understand what she wanted.

[Sylvia727]

The most common form of fraud that I notice is people who do have a family member eligible for handicapped parking placards or plates, but who use those items- and parking spaces- when that family member is nowhere to be found.

Although please be aware that the twenty-something woman who bounds out of the car and skips into the restaurant might be with a handicapped individual, and the placard is not for her own benefit. My ninety-four-year-old grandmother carries her placard in her purse, since she doesn't have her own car, and when I travel with her I get the dirtiest looks. This matches up with the 'please be considerate of invisible disabilities' as well, since Grandma can walk fine but loses her balance suddenly and frequently for no apparant reason.

I need to apply for a handicapped tag or permanent license plate (whichever one they give to people with Autism). I'm not looking forward to this as the tag/plate will be for my daughter who is Autistic. She looks normal too. However, she's a runner.

Chiming in on the 'get a leash' bandwagon. I made my rugrats hold my belt loops or the hem of my shirt, but if I had been their primary caregiver I would have leashed them, no qualms. Anyone who disagrees can just push off.

Once I overheard a woman speaking to her daughter in a public restroom. "Don't use the handicapped stall, go to a regular one!" I'm thinking, go mom! Then I hear "It's okay for me to be in this handicapped stall, since there are two handicapped stalls." Uhm....double standard, mom.

At one point, my mom had a six-year-old, a five-year-old, and a newborn. She always used the handicapped stall so that she could keep all three of us with her. So perhaps this girl had been raised that way as well? She's definitely getting mixed signals now, though. The mom's justification makes me think she was really speaking to everyone else in the bathroom, rather than to the daughter.

Well, I had a run-in with another disabled person a couple of days ago. Entitlement bitch, I think. Sure, I had a bit of error in the situation myself, but I think she handled it much worse than I did.

<snip>

Eh, it just bugs me. I don't understand what she wanted.

I read your post twice and I don't understand either. "I'm in pain and it's your fault for only being averagely considerate!" Seriously, it makes no sense. Sometimes I forget and leave my shopping cart blocking an aisle, but I move it the moment I realize someone else wants through. It doesn't make me an asshole. I think she was just in pain and wanted an excuse to make everyone else as miserable as she was.

[Saydrah]

Sounds to me like she's just used to being the only PWD riding transit, and was just peeved that she had company.

[Seshat]

I read your post twice and I don't understand either. "I'm in pain and it's your fault for only being averagely considerate!"
<snip>
I think she was just in pain and wanted an excuse to make everyone else as miserable as she was.

Thank you - both of you.

If she wanted to make someone else as miserable as she was, she could simply have taken away my tramadol! Honestly, did she think my scooter is just for fun?

. . . probably she did. Or she simply isn't as considerate as she thinks I'm supposed to be. (sigh)