Is this one reason children in the US aren't adopted more often?

[IDrinkaRum]

Adoptive parents in Ohio are ordered to surrender child they have raised for past 3 years to biological father

[MaggieTheCat]

This issue really bothers me. Some close friends of my and my husband's are trying to adopt, since they can't have children themselves due to the wife having some major medical complications, but they're terrified of this kind of situation happening. The husband's brother also went through a very nasty divorce and similar situation. He tried to convince his now-ex-wife to give up custody of their two children since she didn't want to raise them and he did. He had her all but convinced, but at the last possible moment that she could change her mind before all the t's were crossed and i's were dotted, she came back after the kids and took them away from their father, who now only gets to see them once every other week because the state of Texas is completely convinced that the mother is always the best at raising the children, no matter what the situation (also, the father of the kids got a raw deal with the judge, who was convinced that the father was only trying to get custody of the kids so he could get child support payments from his ex wife.) The ex-wife is a horrible mother and only wanted full custody of the kids to hurt her ex-husband; she tries to turn the kids against their father and is nasty about visitation rights (I dunno the details, but basically if she doesn't want the kids to see their father on one of his designated weekends, all she has to do is make a phone call and the visitation is off for another 2 weeks.)

Anyway, it really bothers me that a child who has been raised by a couple for basically its entire life can suddenly be taken away from them -- the only people they know as family -- and thrust into a completely unfamiliar environment and situation because suddenly someone changed their mind. I understand that the biological father of the child never gave up his rights when the child was born, but still, it's unfair for everyone involved, especially the child. I wish there were some good way to prevent things like this from happening. Someone on CS just went through a very similar situation, as I recall, and while the adoptive couple only had the baby for a few weeks I think before the biological mother decided she wanted the baby back, it was heart wrenching for them.

[crashhelmet]

While this is a concern, I wouldn't put it anywhere near the top of the list. With the people I've spoken with about it, they're concerned with whatever issues the child may have as a result of their biological parents or the foster care system. Some also don't want to adopt because they want "their own" and by the time they realize they can't have their own, they no longer have the time to raise a child.

Others can't pass the background check because they did something stupid when they were younger that the Dept of Child and Family Services hangs over their heads.

CH

[Bronzebow]

This issue really bothers me. Some close friends of my and my husband's are trying to adopt, since they can't have children themselves due to the wife having some major medical complications, but they're terrified of this kind of situation happening. The husband's brother also went through a very nasty divorce and similar situation. He tried to convince his now-ex-wife to give up custody of their two children since she didn't want to raise them and he did. He had her all but convinced, but at the last possible moment that she could change her mind before all the t's were crossed and i's were dotted, she came back after the kids and took them away from their father, who now only gets to see them once every other week because the state of Texas is completely convinced that the mother is always the best at raising the children, no matter what the situation (also, the father of the kids got a raw deal with the judge, who was convinced that the father was only trying to get custody of the kids so he could get child support payments from his ex wife.) The ex-wife is a horrible mother and only wanted full custody of the kids to hurt her ex-husband; she tries to turn the kids against their father and is nasty about visitation rights (I dunno the details, but basically if she doesn't want the kids to see their father on one of his designated weekends, all she has to do is make a phone call and the visitation is off for another 2 weeks.)

That's...horrible. I have no words that come close to describing that sheer amount of...malicious evil.

Anyway, it really bothers me that a child who has been raised by a couple for basically its entire life can suddenly be taken away from them -- the only people they know as family -- and thrust into a completely unfamiliar environment and situation because suddenly someone changed their mind. I understand that the biological father of the child never gave up his rights when the child was born, but still, it's unfair for everyone involved, especially the child. I wish there were some good way to prevent things like this from happening. Someone on CS just went through a very similar situation, as I recall, and while the adoptive couple only had the baby for a few weeks I think before the biological mother decided she wanted the baby back, it was heart wrenching for them.

I understand the sentiment, but this isn't as much a case that the bio father changed his mind at the last second. I'd been reading about this story for a while and this article doesn't fully do it justice.

The bio mother tried to shut out the bio father and do everything behind his back. The adoption was rushed and definitely illegal, and the father had been fighting an uphill battle to get his rightful child back from the adoptive parents who knew well from the beginning that the bio father was being shut out. The real twist of the knife is that since the mom did everything to prevent the bio dad's ability to interact with his son, (at that point, he wasn't known to be the father and he had no recourse to fix that) he's been told that that lack of interaction was the reason he didn't have a leg to stand on. I can't imagine how scary this could be to a mere toddler, but my ire is reserved for the legal systems that let it happen, the mom for trying to rip a child out of a father's hands, and the adoptive parents for knowingly going along with it.

I can't even imagine being the father in those shoes. Do you take your child back from the people who in all reality stole him from you, or do you let him live the life he knows?

[tropicsgoddess]

I think this could be very well why people choose to adopt children from outside of the U.S. I don't think it's right that the courts want to yank this kid away from the only family he's ever know to the sperm donor biological father that never had any contact with him nor the biological mother during her pregnancy because he suddenly (after what 3 bloody years) changes his mind?!!! Forget the fact that this would be incredibly traumatic for the adopted parents and the other children, but the child in this case would be traumatized the most out of everybody both emotionally and mentally.

[HYHYBT]

From what I can remember, isn't the paternity of a baby conceived in a married woman legally supposed to be assumed to be the husband's regardless? I haven't read up on this, but remember that as being a factor in that Vermont/Virginia case of the lesbian moms where one ran off with the child.

[telecom_goddess]

From what I can remember, isn't the paternity of a baby conceived in a married woman legally supposed to be assumed to be the husband's regardless? I haven't read up on this, but remember that as being a factor in that Vermont/Virginia case of the lesbian moms where one ran off with the child.

I don't know about elsewhere but in Oregon when you have a baby, if you are married but your child is from a different father you can't list that father on the birth certificate. You have to list your husband or no one.

I find it ridiculous and outdated myself.

[PepperElf]

that may be one reason to adopt from other countries. less likely that the biological parents will try - or be able to - launch a lawsuit to take the kid back.

especially if you adopt from an orphanage. because... 1) there might not be any parents left to challenge you for rights. or 2) the child's parents gave him/her up to the orphanage due to finances so they can't afford running a lawsuit

[blas87]

After reading that, I'm pretty convinced that would be why.

My heart weighs heavy for anyone who is trying to adopt or has adopted but the biological parent(s) have changed their mind.

[Tanasi]

From what I can remember, isn't the paternity of a baby conceived in a married woman legally supposed to be assumed to be the husband's regardless? I haven't read up on this, but remember that as being a factor in that Vermont/Virginia case of the lesbian moms where one ran off with the child.

That can vary from state to state. I've read articles where the woman gave the name of the child's father knowing at the time he wasn't the father but he had a job and made good money. After the father got a DNA test done the judge told him he was still considered the father by the state and he was financially responsible for the kid. Even though he was paying child support for a kid that wasn't his regardless of the DNA test the judge also said he couldn't have visitation rights with the kid since it wasn't his according to the DNA test.


The wife has mentioned adopting another kid and I'm not totally against it, I just don't want to be in my sixties and chansing after a small kid. I can't do that now and I don't think things are going to get any better for me.

[crashhelmet]

Here in Nevada, the mother can put down any name she wants to on the birth certificate. She could say the baby was the President's kid if she wanted to. it's then up to the perceived father to either sign off on it or dispute it with a paternity test. If I remember right, Arizona requires a paternity test unless the perceived father is married to the mother.

CH