Nursing Homes

[ExRetailDrone]

My dad's mother had to be put in a nursing home years ago before she passed. I was too young to really know the full effect of everything, but in the years since I have learned that it was a really tough decision for my dad to make. His brother was pretty much useless and did nothing to help, even though he lived much closer to my grandma that me and my parents did. My grandma had been having a bit of trouble getting around, but nothing major... until she fell down the basement stairs while doing laundry. I'm fairly sure she hit her head pretty bad and perhaps broke her hip to boot. It's lucky she didn't succumb to worse.

After her fall, my dad couldn't put it off any longer. He had to move her to a nursing home. Since we lived 8 hours away from her, and she didn't want to move so far away, and there was no way my family could move to her, we had to find a home to put her in. I honestly don't know what kind of care she received, but I remember her being her usual self whenever we would visit. I was only 10 or 11 when she died, so I wasn't privy to all of the background information of her stay.

My other grandma - my mom's mom - is still alive but is getting old and frail. She turned 91 this year and still lives on her own. But all 3 of her children live within a 10 minute drive of her and help her whenever they can. My mom and my uncle are both retired, so they are able to spend more time with my grandma because of less time constraints. If it wasn't for that, she probably would also be in a nursing home. She has already fallen a couple of times, once where she did end up temporarily in a home to recuperate. I am very glad that her kids are around, because I honestly do not think she would be happy in a home. Of course, she hasn't been too upbeat a lot of the time since my grandpa passed almost 7 years ago I think she feels guilty for outliving him. I have never heard her say as much, but I just get this feeling.

I feel horrible when I hear stories about elderly people getting mistreated by family and/or nursing home staff, etc. Like blas said, no matter their state of health, they deserve to live out their lives with dignity and as much love and support as possible. I couldn't imagine anything else for my loved ones, and those who can just leave theirs to rot astound me But, of course, not all parents are worthy of that support, either, so it can end up being a Catch-22 I suppose.

[protege]

This would be why I hate my great aunt and uncle, and even hold some contempt of my parents for not doing anything more about the situation with my Nanna.

I've posted about my mother's siblings before, and how they really didn't want to deal with Grandma's problems. Both came home maybe once a year to see her, if that. When they'd show up, they'd give my mother shit about the care she was getting, and all the little things that were "wrong" with her. Did they bother to come home when the nursing home was picked out, or visit with her various doctors? Of course not! They wanted nothing to do with any of that shit.

Fast-forward to her death back in August, and they're a bit upset that some of the things they wanted...had already been given away. Things like some of her needlecraft pictures, some of the dishes, furniture, etc. In fact, my aunt actually gave me grief because I had one of the things she wanted. My (and my mother's) reaction to that? Maybe if she gave a shit and came home more often, maybe she would have ended up with it.

Some of you know that I spent my weekends at my grandmother's. I took care of her bills, drove her to the grocery store, and did anything she asked me to. I was also the oldest grandchild, and was constantly at her house. As such, she insisted that there were several things I should get--my grandfather's WWII papers, his watch, to name a couple. Then she said that because I'd just bought a house...the kitchen furniture, my grandfather's beat-up recliner (aka the Kitty chair), and other things were mine. Was I really expecting that? Of course not. That's not why I went to see her. But, it didn't stop my uncle from trying to spread rumors that the only reason I went there...was so I'd get a hefty inheritance

Of course, he was shitting kittens later. Seems that the cash from the farm sale was used up to pay for Grandma's nursing care, and the "expensive" antiques she had...were already given away. So was the car. Granted, that was 12 years old, but I'd cleaned it up, and had it donated to charity. What was left...really wasn't all that much. So much for expecting a windfall

[lordlundar]

Unfortunately it's a self sustaining myth brought on by the media. For the sake of comedy, they present nursing/old-age/senior care homes as a place where you dump off your "useless" grandparents (after all, if they're not making money they have no worth [/sarcasm]) into a life of slave labour under the control of a nurse ratched like person and then live your life free and clear. Then people believe that those are the only ones that exist, and anything they see when they go into one is all a facade, the media picks up this paranoia (fueled in part of news reports of rare ones that are like it) and and fuels it further.

[tabbyblack13]

Some are good, some are bad. My grandma (father's mom) was in a Alzheimer's care facility at the end of her life. It was a really nice place. It allowed her to move freely inside a secured area that even had a an outdoor area with a garden and a very tall fence to keep them from wondering away.

My other grandma (mom's mom) was in a really nice place too. This grandma was forced to stay in bed because she was too weak to walk. There was a central lobby that had a huge tree (assuming fake) with fake birds and bird sounds to be soothing for everyone coming into the building.

Some homes are really bad but I saw two really great places that was nice and safe for everyone.

[Aethian]

I understand that there are nursing homes out there that are wonderful. I've seen some that were set up as apartments and yet still were a nursing home. Those are what they all should be. But the one I've had family in and the one my Grandmother died in...was horrible. Completely horrible.

First, I was not supposed to visit unless I was kept by the hand by my Mom at all times. Why? Because I had once wandered down to a 'game' room and was talking with my Grandparents old neighbor whom I remembered and remembered me. That was not family and I shouldn't be wandering. Okay I get the not wandering part, I do now. But at the time I was 7 and loved talking to people. Several people liked to use me as their grandkid and told me stories of when they were little, I never woke people up and stayed away when the real family was visiting.

Several times when we visited Grandma would have to use the bathroom. We would hit the button for help and several times were told, "Someone will be down after we finish shift change." One time Grandma couldn't wait and Mom by herself couldn't move fast enough with her Mom to stop the accident that happened. Grandma was yelled at by the director for spoiling her sheets and we were made to leave or the cops were going to be called.

Because she was the minority of the siblings thoughts...Grandma was made to stay there. She got a nicer room after awhile...placed in a room with her childhood rival from the 1920's. A rival of over 60 years old that was still going strong. We would call and after a bit a nurse would take the phone and tell us we were harming the patient and hang up on us. Cards never got to her, flowers either. It got to the point that after she died, her rival came to the funeral and apologized that she couldn't do more for things to have been nicer.

This place is still being run but last I knew has been completely overhauled. Hopefully for the best but I still think they killed my Grandma's spirit to live and I think she would have lasted at least ten years more if she had been able to move in like Mom wanted.