Who Is To Blame?

[Plaidman]

I'd even argue that it was thanks to your family. Not that you should. You seen the mentality they had, and it was rooted into you of the how and why. Thus psychology degree.

The only people to blame, is yourself. Pure and simple. For everything you do. It's pretty grounded into you, what with media, internet, school, neighbors, every single factor in your life shows how some things are bad for you, like drinking and drugs, how unprotective sex can lead to pregencies or stds, and how if someone hits you or talks down to you, it can very easily lead to a abusive relation. (Again, this is the BEGINNING phase of it, not when your already inspelled in fear of person).

Everything is shown to you, even as a baby what stuff can do to your body or life if you do it. People still choose to do it.

I forget who said it, but you can tell a man there 50 billion stars in the sky and he'll belive you. Tell him that the bench is wet with paint and he'll touch it anyway.

Yeah, people want to do stuff to check it out, like drugs and beer. Go ahead. Do it all you want. It's your life and your body, and I won't stop you. But don't cry or ask for mercy and help. You KNEW it was bad before you started. You KNEW what was going to happen, and you did it anyway for shits and giggles. Well boo hoo. Life sucks for everyone. Your no different with the exception you decided to create that hell for you.

[Eisa]

I think my bf's brother was messed up before he got lyme, because he tried to kill (I mean literally kill) my bf by smothering him with a pillow, and bf wiggled out and chased him and threw a hammer at his head and knocked him out and of course he got in trouble.

I'm starting to think the verdict of this thread is the parents.

I am so sorry you had to grow up that way. I hope it doesn't stop you from meeting people and making new friends and learning that there are some really great people out there who would never treat you that way

Wow. That's horrible.

Well, it has to an extent. I have a hard time making friends. But I do know that there are nice people out there.

I think that while yes, you DO have personal responsibility, your parents are the ones who set you up in life. It IS possible to have all your adult responsibilities and stuff done without your parents helping you at all while you were growing up--I know kids have had to basically take care of themselves and grow up fine--BUT I think parents are still the ones who have a big responsibility towards their offspring. You can't punish them for every little thing and make them afraid to try...and you can't just sit back and let them do wtf they want. It has to be in the middle...a responsible middle.

[fireheart17]

I see this a lot on the AdelaideNow website (basically the internet "newspaper" for my home state) and it never fails to surprise me.

Basically, if an article concerns young people in any shape or form i.e. a car crash, people will come out and say that the young people don't take responsibility for themselves blah blah blah. Then whenever an article comes out about something that people LOVE to pick on-the more common ones at the moment are refugees, speed cameras, the banks or big businesses and people start whinging about how the banks do nothing for them, while failing to take into account that nobody forced a gun to their head and said that they had to shop at the store, nobody forced them into signing a home loan, nobody FORCED them to speed and so on.

[KellyHabersham]

Just a few of my thoughts on this topic.........I'd be the first to admit that I do blame my mom for being the source of some of the problems I've had while growing up. Nothing as severe as other things mentioned in this thread, but just to give a few examples:

- I was never taught budgeting or money management skills while growing up (Mom made decisions on my behalf), but once I was out on my own, I was expected to know how to be responsible with money and make good decisions.

- I've never been officially diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, but when I was a child, Mom definitely recognized that something wasn't "right" about me. However, when I had a bunch of psychological testing done as a kid, for some reason she chose not to mention any of the symptoms which would point to Asperger's........so I never really received the treatment which I needed.

[blas87]

That's not your fault at all, Kelly, and I don't think any reasonable person would say it is. If there would have been more vital information provided, you would have had it a lot easier.

Budgeting is quite learn-as-you-go. There are some common sense tools, but anyone can make mistakes (everyone does) and it's learning from it, will-power, and also learning to be organized

[protege]

But then again, if he'd quit going out or spending money on stupid stuff, he could save for his own place and his brother could happily live with his parents until they die and he's out of luck.

Except for the spending money on stupid stuff...the same thing could have been said about *my* family. Right now, my two younger brothers (~32 and ~29) still live with my parents. My mother is constantly going on about how "nobody helps" around the house. Dad's pretty much exempt from many things--a serious operation due to cancer and an auto accident over the summer--both mean he tends to have it easy at times. He does what he can, but he can only do so much. For that, we can't fault him.

That leaves my brothers. They live at home, supposedly pay rent, but don't do shit. They don't do chores, they don't help my mother out. What they do, is sit on their asses, drinking beer, and playing video games. Hell, I don't even *live* there, and I'm cutting the grass Do I complain? Hell no. It's only fair I've helped my dad out...after all the crap that he's done at my place

What pisses me off, is that my mother enables those two parasites. She doesn't make them do anything, yet chews my dad out if things aren't done. Things, that he really *shouldn't* be doing because of his medical condition. Dad's actually asked them to do things, and they're usually rude back. It's usually some comment about how "it's not my house," or "go fuck yourself."

With that said, I have a feeling that he's going to screw them both over later. From what I've been told...he's not leaving them a penny when he passes on. Unfortunate, and I'm sure they'll be pissed. But, they did it to themselves. Of course, I'll get blamed for it, and I'm sure some nasty comments about "favoritism" will come out. Just like when I was given the MG...

[Andara Bledin]

Budgeting is quite learn-as-you-go. There are some common sense tools, but anyone can make mistakes (everyone does) and it's learning from it, will-power, and also learning to be organized

It doesn't have to be learn-as-you-go. Sure, everybody will make mistakes the first time they have to start real-world budgeting, but all of the tools can be provided before it ever gets to that point.

I got lucky in that the middle school I attended had an actual home economics class that spent half the year dealing with the economics portion and didn't just focus on things like how to build a menu or accessorize your table.

^-.-^

[Mytical]

This probably will come as zero surprise to people...

While society, parents, etc can and will influence how somebody acts..ultimately it is a persons sole responsibility how they act. Short of some legitimate reason WHY that person can not make a decision on their own. If that is the case, then they should not be somewhere away from society where people can take care of them. Sorry, you can throw rotten fruit at me for saying that, I can take it.

I've heard so many times "The reason Johnny <fictional name> is a criminal and gang member is because he grew up in a ghetto. He had no chance or choice."

Um..then why did 'Johnny's' next door neighbor work two jobs put themselves through college. Or become a priest/open a center to help people/ etc? Same exact neighborhood. Heck people that had it WORSE then 'Johnny' never stole a thing or joined a gang.

It was a choice. Maybe not much of a one, maybe not a fair one, but a choice nonetheless. Johnny made it, and he should have to deal with the consequences of it.