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**kibbles** · 02-13-2011, 07:55 PM

Personally if all a person says is "hi beautiful" or "hi handsome" I see nothing wrong with it. If a person becomes creepy in their come ons and do not take the hint then they are creepers.

I just don't understand the thought process that a person should not hit on or come onto another person unless said person has a big sign on themselves saying I find you attractive therefore you can hit on me. *Not saying that this is what you meant in your post..just a thought process I have seen a lot lately*

**Boozy** · 02-13-2011, 08:01 PM

Took the words right out of my mouth!

I have an asshole customer who comes in and says, "Hey, Trouble!" It's not a comment on my appearance, but it's entirely too familiar. We don't know each other's first names, and he's comfortable using a nickname for me?

It's rude and condescending. And 99% of the time, it's a) a man using cutesy nicknames for women, and/or b) someone using a nickname for someone they perceive to be in a lower class than they are.

**Andara Bledin** · 02-13-2011, 08:07 PM

Originally posted by Eisa View Post

But you can't get upset about it because if you do, people start going "it's JUST a compliment...they're JUST trying to be nice...what's wrong with you?"

You could always say, "Well, they weren't trying very hard, were they?"

Honestly, this is one of those subtle sexisms that is going to persist for a long while because most people just think of it as 'that's just the way it is.'

You could try responding, "hey, Shallow," any time someone throws that your way, uninvited.

Originally posted by Eisa View Post

same as I don't like random people calling me hon, honey, sweetie, sweetheart, etc. but I think I'm stuck with that one as I look about 12

.

These have nothing to do with age and are primarily regional social niceties that are about the same level as other more formal modes of address such as miss or ma'am.

I used to think I hated that, too, after being address as "hon" with a definite edge of condescension by a stewardess while on a flight when I was 16. The woman really rubbed me the wrong way. However, I've had at least a dozen other instances where someone has addressed me by one of these terms and have come to realize that the stewardess was snotty and it had nothing to do with the words she used.

My old boss used to call everyone 'babe' or 'kid.' Everyone. He used them like verbal punctuation - sound, but no actual meaning.

Originally posted by Boozy View Post

It's rude and condescending. And 99% of the time, it's a) a man using cutesy nicknames for women, and/or b) someone using a nickname for someone they perceive to be in a lower class than they are.

One of my co-workers has been known to chew out her customers when they try to use nicknames on her as a way of asserting dominance. It's fun to listen to, even if it's one-sided.

I get a lot of nicknames thrown my way, but almost universally they're used as a sign of familiarity as opposed to being used as a dominance play. I don't get a lot of people trying that on me, thankfully.

^-.-^

**radiocerk** · 02-13-2011, 08:10 PM

And there's a difference between someone stopping you to pay you a compliment, or hold other conversation, and some guy yelling "compliments" as you walk by, he drives by, etc. This is only considered "acceptable" behavior to women, as Eisa said.

"Hey baby" is not a compliment. A comic I think that sums it up well. (warning: sexism and bad language). http://amptoons.com/blog/2010/08/30/...et-harassment/

**Rebel** · 02-13-2011, 08:28 PM

I hate cutesy little pet names coming from total strangers or acquaintances. Even my close friends know to tread that area carefully.

In the past, I have dropped personal trainers (mainly females) who have felt the need to address me as "hon" and "honey" instead of by name.

I especially hate older men that feel the need to call me "Sweetheart". To me, it feels demeaning, like they're talking to a 5 year old girl as opposed to the 25 year old I am. In fact, that very situation happened just the last week as I was going home from the gym. He did, however, look a bit put out when I kept referring to him as "Sugar-tits" in response. Tit for tat my good man.

**AdminAssistant** · 02-13-2011, 08:29 PM

I'm guilty of using "hon" and I am trying to break *that.* However, I will continue to call people miss and ma'am because 1) it's polite and 2) it's hard to break habits that are literally beaten into you as a kid. Of course, I don't shout it at random people on the street either.

On a different note, I was walking from class to my car, when a guy stuck his head out of a car window and started shouting at me, calling me "Jeanette" or something like that. My real name sounds nothing like "Jeanette." Strange.

While I like Andara's suggestion of "Hey, Shallow," I'd be too tempted to reply with something more along the lines of "Hey, Desperate" or "Hey, Dickless." Buuuutttt, that's just me.

**Rageaholic** · 02-13-2011, 09:02 PM

The title of this thread immediately made me think of this clip

In my experience, there's been no double standard. I've seen women say stuff to guys just as much (if not more) than guys say it to women. Granted, I'm not Mr. Social, but it's been my experience.

But as an introvert, I understand how frustrating it is to feel obligated to be polite to people who make you feel uncomfortable.

**Lace Neil Singer** · 02-13-2011, 09:14 PM

Originally posted by Andara Bledin View Post

These have nothing to do with age and are primarily regional social niceties that are about the same level as other more formal modes of address such as miss or ma'am.

^-.-^

Round here, it's often more likely to be little old ladies who use "hon, dear, duck" etc rather than sleazy guys. I don't mind it in the slightest, to be honest.

What creeps me out is people who use my name (I have to wear a nametag at work with my first name on) and I don't know them. I'd prefer "miss" or "ma'am" to that.

**ExRetailDrone** · 02-13-2011, 10:35 PM

Originally posted by Lace Neil Singer View Post

What creeps me out is people who use my name (I have to wear a nametag at work with my first name on) and I don't know them. I'd prefer "miss" or "ma'am" to that.

Yeah, I really hate this, too. I had to wear a nametag at The Bullseye and always got creeped out when some random person would call me by my first name. Granted, it's better than having some douche snap his/her fingers at me, but I still hated it. I don't have to wear a nametag at the video rental store, but I hate when a non-regular will ask me what my name is. I know it's nothing super personal or anything like that, I just for some reason don't like it.

And I'm not a fan of being called hon or sweetie by random people, either. I can handle it better when it's a little old grandma, but when it's a guy I don't know? Uh uh, no way. One of my ex-coworkers at the video rental store would call everyone hon or some other little cutesy pet name, and it drove me insane. It just seemed like she was trying too hard.

**Andara Bledin** · 02-13-2011, 11:50 PM

For those working in a retail setting who both don't like pet names and don't like people using your given names: What are people supposed to call you to get your attention? "Hey, you?"

^-.-^

**ExRetailDrone** · 02-13-2011, 11:59 PM

Originally posted by Andara Bledin View Post

For those working in a retail setting who both don't like pet names and don't like people using your given names: What are people supposed to call you to get your attention? "Hey, you?"

^-.-^

"Excuse me, miss?"

**Eisa** · 02-14-2011, 12:33 AM

Oh--the reason I think that people use terms of endearment because I look 12 is because I've been in lines and watched them interact with people ahead of me...and they are friendly, of course, but they do not use those terms of endearment much with people ahead of me--girls or guys. But then I come up, and it's "Hi sweetie what can I get for you?" and it's just like...erm, wait, what? Why am I "sweetie" and no one else is?

I don't know, it's not a HUGE annoyance, but it is a little bit, in part because I also hate how everyone thinks I'm so much younger than I really am. But that's a rant for another day.

I only use terms of endearment like that when I'm around people I know well, who I know either like it or do not mind it [but preferably who actually like it]. Not just random people in random conversations throughout the day--it feels inappropriate to me.

Also, I like "Hey Shallow!"

Or *cough* "Hey Dickless."

LOL

**KabeRinnaul** · 02-14-2011, 01:11 AM

Originally posted by Boozy View Post

I have an asshole customer who comes in and says, "Hey, Trouble!" It's not a comment on my appearance, but it's entirely too familiar. We don't know each other's first names, and he's comfortable using a nickname for me?

Veering off-topic a little, but is it wrong to be annoyed at people doing this to others? I have two coworkers who seem incapable of greeting customers with anything other than "Here comes trouble!" or "You stayin' out of trouble?"

I can only hear that so many time a day before I want to stab out my eardrums to not hear them anymore.

And back on-topic, I prefer "sir" or the random nicknames (I'll even tolerate "bro") over random customers using my own name off my nametag. Mainly because I've essentially come back to my old neighborhood after being at college 6 years, and I never know if they're reading my nametag, or it this is a neighbor or one of my mother's friends who actually knows me, but I no longer recognize.

**Peppergirl** · 02-14-2011, 04:47 AM

Originally posted by AdminAssistant View Post

I'm guilty of using "hon" and I am trying to break *that.*

I have a TERRIBLE habit of occasionally closing a call with "Take care, hon." if they have been very friendly and outgoing toward me.

I wish I had an ashamed smiley over here. I'll settle for

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