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Teenagers Supporting the Family (long and ranty)

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  • Teenagers Supporting the Family (long and ranty)

    This show just had my blood boiling.

    http://www.mtv.com/shows/truelife/ep...61847#moreinfo

    The recap doesn't do it justice, but it chronicled the struggles of two teenagers whose parents have fallen on hard times financially.

    One is an 18 year old girl who just had a baby, and her father is a laid-off auto worker in Michigan. There was an unseen mother who wasn't discussed, but apparently the mother and father were still together. The house seemed to include the mother, father the teenager with the baby, in addition to a younger sibling.

    This one didn't irk me so bad because the father appeared to at least be be trying to look for work. The only thing that bothered me about this story is that the dad was asking someone on the phone for $10.00 (after just asking for an extension from the landlord on the rent) so that he could put gas in the car and get cigarettes for his wife. Cigs? Really? I'm an ex-smoker and trust me, I realize it's a horrible addiction, but you'd better believe that if couldn't put gas in my car or pay my rent, I wouldn't be fucking smoking.

    It's the second story that got my blood pressure up. It followed the life of a 17 year old boy who lived with his mother and two younger brothers. He said his mom has always been single, and that her job history had been sporadic. Also said that he and his brothers had been taken away in the past due to homelessness, and that they were worried about getting split up again since the mother is again unemployed.

    This seemed like a genuinely good kid and I felt so bad for him. The cameras followed as they went to a food pantry, and on various errands. The kid got a part time job in the office at his school and was happy to help out with bills for his mom.

    At one point into the show, it showed him handing almost his entire paycheck over to his mom and quietly complaining about it to his friend. The next segment showed him bringing in carryout pizza for the family. If money is THAT tight, you have no business getting carryout food. At first I thought maybe he just did it as a surprise, but then he handed her one of the pizzas and said 'And here's the one you ordered, mom.' Gee, I wonder if she used the money he gave her for bills to pay for those pizzas, or if he used it out of HIS portion? Somehow I'm betting the latter.

    Then he said he was going to get ready and go to his friends house to spend the night, and she gave him guilt and grief. He asked her what she needed him to stay around that night for and she said 'I just like when you stay with me.' Ugh. Poor kid.

    The show ended with him gently confronting her about how she needed to look harder for a job, and that he was having trouble balancing school and his part time job. She of course cried and told him to cut her some slack, etc and guilt tripped him some more. It ended with her saying she was going to go back to school and he said he was going to look for a second part time job in order to help out more.


    Ok guys. I am not TOTALLY naive. I realize these shows are edited to show a certain result. As a single mom, I am PAINFULLY aware of how difficult it can be. I count myself EXTREMELY lucky that I have had family and friends to lean on for support in the couple of rare times I've had to ask for help.

    Maybe I'm being judgmental. I've never been hungry. The closest I've ever come to homelessness was sweating a shut-off notice from the utility company a couple of times. I have rolled change to put gas in the car, and I've existed for a few days on little more than ramen noodles, eggs and p,b and j sandwiches.

    But dammit, I'd like to think that if push really came to shove, I'd do ANYTHING before I accepted money from my kid or allowed him to support me and his siblings. I'd pass out from a nicotine fit before I allowed myself to borrow money for cigarettes. I hate cooking with a passion, but getting carryout pizza when I'm starting my car with a screwdriver (second mom)?

    I don't even know what my point is. I know the economy sucks..I know it's tough out there. I might be tempting karma right now for thinking this woman is a piece of shit. Who knows what I'd have done if I had truly been in a bad way. I just hope to God I'd make better choices and wouldn't have to sink having my teenager have to work 2 jobs to keep me in pizza.

  • #2
    You have every right to be upset at that show.

    I have a coworker who, bless the poor kids' heart, what a good kid, but he'll never leave his parents' house at this rate because he feels that he has to help his mother until she gets her shit together. And she hasn't for almost 4 years, since he's been around to help her with the bills and the house payment.

    It's not fair to him. He should be able to leave and live with friends or a girlfriend and live his own life. His mother should get a job and learn to help herself.

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    • #3
      Question: Are you of the belief that, if you are poor/struggling/whatever, that you should have no luxuries whatsoever to break the monotonous horror of your existence?

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      • #4
        Originally posted by blas87 View Post
        It's not fair to him. He should be able to leave and live with friends or a girlfriend and live his own life. His mother should get a job and learn to help herself.
        So why doesn't he just cut her off cold turkey and leave her to suffer?
        If this is what's best for him, doesn't he rationally see that?

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by FArchivist View Post
          Question: Are you of the belief that, if you are poor/struggling/whatever, that you should have no luxuries whatsoever to break the monotonous horror of your existence?
          Like carryout pizza and cigarettes, you mean?

          If someone else is footing the bill (particularly one's child) for the 'luxuries', then yes - I'm against it.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Peppergirl View Post
            Like carryout pizza and cigarettes, you mean?

            If someone else is footing the bill (particularly one's child) for the 'luxuries', then yes - I'm against it.
            *nods quietly*

            I'm going to do myself a favor and walk away before I get subjected to a litany of "stop being poor", "bootstraps!", "wherein I must approve of your choices", "victim blaming", and "compassion is for pussies". Because all I will be able to respond with is a whole litany of "a lot of you are assholes".

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            • #7
              Ugh. My mom was a single parent and we certainly came pretty damn close to the street once or twice in the years after the divorce. But she slaved her ass off at two jobs to make sure that I, as a child, never lacked for anything. Even if it meant giving up things herself.

              So yeah, fark those people. >.>

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              • #8
                I don't see the problem with the pizza because I believe that everyone should be able to treat themselves to something good every now and then. However, I DO see a huge problem with the mother guilt tripping her son. Making him feel bad for wanting him to go to a friends house? Come on lady, you should be cutting him some slack. He's going above and beyond, taking the on the responsibilities of an adult as a kid. No shit he's going to be stressed.

                It's hard not to be sympathetic toward their struggle, especially since we are in such hard economic times. My own frusturations with job hunting has left very discouraged. However, she needs to realize that her son is affected just as much, if not MORE than she is. It's not fair to put all this on him than guilt trip him for wanting a break.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by FArchivist View Post
                  So why doesn't he just cut her off cold turkey and leave her to suffer?
                  If this is what's best for him, doesn't he rationally see that?
                  I imagine because he's not old enough to overcome the Guilt > Rationality equation yet. -.-

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Gravekeeper View Post
                    I imagine because he's not old enough to overcome the Guilt > Rationality equation yet. -.-
                    I would like to think it's because he's a compassionate human being, but apparently I've been wrong about that lately. Very wrong.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Rageaholic View Post
                      I don't see the problem with the pizza because I believe that everyone should be able to treat themselves to something good every now and then.
                      I wouldn't have a problem with the pizza so much if her kid had not been footing the bill for the treat.

                      I have a problem that she took the majority of her son's paycheck in addition to (presumably) having him foot the bill for the pizza.

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                      • #12
                        Yeah, the kid footing the bill for pizza is wrong. But who knows, maybe he wanted it too?

                        IDK.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by FArchivist View Post
                          So why doesn't he just cut her off cold turkey and leave her to suffer?
                          If this is what's best for him, doesn't he rationally see that?
                          Because he's in an emotionally abusive relationship and doesn't have the experience to understand what's being done to him and to know that he needs to find a way out.

                          ^-.-^
                          Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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                          • #14
                            See, I'm fine with luxuries, and if someone else pays, that's fine.

                            That said, if someone is paying for everything, AND buying you luxuries, THAT I would be against. I'm fine if you pay your own way and someone else buys you luxuries, or someone else pays your way and you buy your own luxuries.

                            There's a very nice lady on the bus who I gave ten bucks for smokes because she was broke. I don't see a problem with that, especially because she was talking about how she couldn't afford her smokes, and I gave her the money.

                            That's fine by me. She doesn't have a steady income, and I like doing favors for people.

                            Everyone has their needs. Basic needs, [food, water] but they have all those other needs. They need fun, they need companionship, etc etc etc. Those are all VERY important.

                            But if I gave some mots of my paycheck to take care of them, and then they asked me to pay for their luxuries as well, I'd have to tell them to fuck off.

                            Because the kid clearly isn't getting /HIS/ luxuries.

                            If this is what's best for him, doesn't he rationally see that?
                            Even if he did, he wouldn't. Not everyone does what's rationally best for them, and not everyone can see what's rationally best if they do.

                            There's a guy I like. He's about my age, but he spent his early years in a warzone, so he has PTSD. He's lost his brother, and his adoptive brother after he moved to the states (that one to a particularly painful random happening). He's had a really tough time, but I like him anyway. He just broke up with his boyfriend, and I'm pretty sure he's not interested in me.

                            Rationally speaking, I /KNOW/ I shouldn't pursue him, I should go after other options. Rationally I shouldn't even talk to him. But I do it anyway. Because I love him, even if he DOESN'T love me back.

                            And to clarify, I'm not stalking him or anything like that. I just talk to him, sometimes, check in and make sure he's alright and see if maybe he's changed his mind.

                            He hasn't. I should stop. But I don't.

                            Because not everything is rational.
                            "Nam castum esse decet pium poetam
                            ipsum, versiculos nihil necessest"

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              The kid in the second story is clearly being emotionally abused. He just hasn't learned to defend himself from it.

                              I've helped my mom with bills. I've helped both my aunts with bills. I nearly gave one aunt almost $1,000 to buy a car since their only one broke down. It doesn't bother me. I knew it'd eventually paid back (which I doubt will ever happen for this kid) and I saved my money well so it didn't matter to me.

                              There's nothing wrong with willingly helping support your family. There is something wrong with relying on someone to support your family without being willing to help them.
                              Violence has resolved more conflicts than anything else. The contrary opinion that violence doesn't solve anything is merely wishful thinking at its worst. - Starship Troopers

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