Teenagers Supporting the Family (long and ranty)

[Crazedclerkthe2nd]

If the food stamp/EBT stories from CS are any indicator, it's obvious that poor people often do not spend what little money they get very wisely.

[blas87]

I'm going to just take a moment to say that I'm a tad hurt (and I would assume others would be too) that those of us against supporting deadbeat parents aren't compassionate, or that we're uptight dickwads who sit back and harp "Quit being poor!", or rain all over the fantasy parade of "Wouldn't it be nice to have nice things like others?"

Deadbeat parents are as bad as deadbeat kids/adult kids.

I have watched my boyfriend's parents support (even dare I say enable) his mentally unstable, drug addicted nearly 30 year old brother for going on 2 1/2 years now.

If anyone ever tried that shit with me, you know what? FUCK THEM and their problems. You don't ever take advantage of someone trying to help you. You do not milk people, or mentally abuse them into continuing to help you.

[telecom_goddess]

One thing that worries me is because they are on that reality show they are getting paid to be on it correct? otherwise why bother having cameras follow you around 24/7? Is the mom going to take that money they make by being on the show and squander it and use it as an excuse to not get a job?

I have been on assistance before, with foodstamps/healthcare/wic/head start. But I gradually got better paying more stable jobs and got off of every one of them. I have been in a great job for over 8 years now and make the most money I ever have. It's not enough to be considered rich....it just covers living expenses and bills that I'm paying back. But it enables me to ensure I do my part by providing a roof, food, and utilities. And we also enjoy cable and cell phones. My kids are not supporting me and never have. I can't say never will who knows what the future will bring but I don't forsee it.

That mother needs to get her ass off the couch and get a damn job so her kid can go to school and finish.

[protege]

As someone who was *forced* to "help out the parents," things like this piss me off. Because I was a minor at the time, I had to put my parents' names on my bank accounts. Those accounts, held the earnings from my paper route. I say "held," because the money never stayed in there very long. Why, you ask? After the weekly bill for the newspapers had been paid, my parents used it as their own personal S&L. I'd open my checkbook up, and find checks written out for school tuition, various bills, car repairs, etc. Yet, if I wanted to write a check for say, a model kit...I had to listen to them bitch about how much it cost and that I should "save my money." Let me get this straight--I'm busting my ass for that cash, I get a guilt trip if I want to spend it...yet you're free to use it for whatever you want...whenever you want? What the fuck is that shit?

The final straw came when I was still living there. I was in the process of moving my accounts, and had hidden all of that stuff. I came home from work one night, found my bedroom a mess, and discovered that someone had been snooping through my files. Seems someone had written a check to get their car fixed...and didn't bother telling me When confronted, my parents said that they weren't going to pay me back. Instead, they were going to put it towards my "future rent payments"

That just pissed me off. Sure, I was paying them rent to live there--I'd graduated from college and was working full-time. I could handle say $100 a month. But to seize *half* of my paycheck to fix a car that wasn't mine? Sorry, but fuck that. I moved all of my accounts, and then kept everything finance-related under lock and key.

My parents have had money problems for most of the past 30 years. Some of it was because of their choices--3 kids, staying in an area with a declining economy (most of the steel mills had closed by them, taking with them a shitload of jobs), dad leaving a good job to go into business for himself, not taking care of things (which actually ate up *more* cash!), etc. With that said, if they would have simply asked to borrow some cash, I probably wouldn't have been upset. Instead, they decided to be sneaky about it--even now, I have no idea just how much of it was used "for college."

At least I can take some comfort in the fact that my 29 and 32-year-old brothers still live with them. They don't do jack shit, and contribute very little towards that household...mainly because my parents apparently can't be bothered to make them contribute. Seems things have come full circle. Isn't karma a bitch?

[Racket_Man]

At one point into the show, it showed him handing almost his entire paycheck over to his mom and quietly complaining about it to his friend. The next segment showed him bringing in carryout pizza for the family. If money is THAT tight, you have no business getting carryout food. At first I thought maybe he just did it as a surprise, but then he handed her one of the pizzas and said 'And here's the one you ordered, mom.' Gee, I wonder if she used the money he gave her for bills to pay for those pizzas, or if he used it out of HIS portion? Somehow I'm betting the latter.

.

I don't see the problem with the pizza because I believe that everyone should be able to treat themselves to something good every now and then. However, I DO see a huge problem with the mother guilt tripping her son. Making him feel bad for wanting him to go to a friends house? Come on lady, you should be cutting him some slack. He's going above and beyond, taking the on the responsibilities of an adult as a kid. No shit he's going to be stressed.

.

you know I see this kind of crap ALL the time esp at the beginning of the month ie. what we drivers call Welfare Week. and these are not just one shots or every couple of month treats. it is EVERY single month and sometimes delivering MULTIPULE times to the same address over and over and over. sometimes even to the same address multipule times in a 7 day period. and these are NOT small time orders.

I am sorry but the Mom in the second story needs to be weaned from her son. that is, even in this day and age, something that a 17 year old should not be doing, supporting a layabout, lazy, mooch-off-your-kids parent. that kind of person gets NO sympathy from me.

[Mytical]

Ok..time to glimpse into the other side of the street. I know what it is to have nothing, to not be quite sure when the next meal is going to be..or if we will have a roof over our heads. Some might call my parents 'deadbeats' but I certainly wouldn't. Six months after I was born, my dad had a accident at work, and was put on disability not long after. My mother watched after him, and we kids did most of the farm work.

The roof leaked, food often was potatoes (it was bought in bulk..we ate a LOT of potatoes)..most of what we grew/etc we used also..though we were able to sell some from time to time. My mother smoked, and yes we had pizza from time to time. It was a luxury, one we often couldn't afford, but it was nice..as somebody said..it was a momentary break from the hardships of life (the pizza). As early as 14 I was working odd jobs to help support the family. I never once felt sorry for myself, expected handouts, or thought my parents were taking advantage of me. Family takes care of family, something written in stone would not be as permanent..nor the sturdiest tree as deeply rooted.

It was life. Dad did what he could, mom took care of dad, cooking, etc, and we kids helped financially when/as we could. Even when my brother and sister went off to do their own thing. I took care of them, and I always will as long as they need it. Not because they took care of me for most of my life (in their own way), but because that is the way it should be. Family takes care of family.

After my accident which put my back out (pretty much), they took care of me without complaint. I was well past the age where they didn't have to. By then mom (known affectionately by even some total strangers as MA) had a good paying job (well for the area we were in at least). Until I got on my feet again, they were there. Through NASH, and the 'two years to live', through all my trials troubles and hardships. Never once abandoning me, when it would have been so easy to do.

So yeah. I've had to sacrifice many things, gotten things I shouldn't have because I really couldn't afford it. Lived as poor as dirt, and taken care of my parents financially. I just can not understand what is wrong with that..or having a treat every once in awhile. Now they don't make much (retirement and disability) and I am taking care of them financially again, and I will as long as they need. Because...well I've said why too many times already..

[protege]

Mytical, your situation was a bit different.

Most of the 'deadbeats' we're talking about are people who could easily work...yet choose not to. Instead, they make their children hand over any cash towards the "benefit" of the household.

These same households were living *way* beyond their means. I'm all for having a treat now and then. But constantly? If you're on public assistance, and can barely pay the bills, you have no business putting constantly buying expensive shit that you can't afford.

[AdminAssistant]

I hope that I will never have to ask my children for assistance, especially when they're teenagers. I want them to work, at least during summers, but that's so that they'll have their own money for fun stuff and to save for college/training/etc. Because after they graduate high school/turn 18 they will not be living in my house full time. I don't understand the parents that cling to their children like that - "Don't leaavvveee meeeeee!!!!" Ugh, please, go, leave, become an adult.

[Gravekeeper]

I don't understand the parents that cling to their children like that - "Don't leaavvveee meeeeee!!!!" Ugh, please, go, leave, become an adult.

I don't think its really possible for parent or child to keep maturing unless someone moves out to be honest.

I was out and gone within 2 months of graduating high school, heh.

[Andara Bledin]

I have a slacker artist friend whose never really held a job, despite being in his mid-30's. From what I know of his family, he's the most responsible member of it, and his mother is pulling this sort of shit with him all the time. I strongly suspect she's to the point where she'll injure herself to ensure that he stays home as much as she can make him.

^-.-^