A Thread On Physical Discipline

[Hyena Dandy]

I was never spanked, though my sister was. That was very effecting for her, because she knew mom and dad wouldn't touch her unless they were very VERY upset. Still, that doesn't mean we weren't disciplined.

On the one hand, I believe that children should be disciplined. And one way of doing that is spanking them. That doesn't seem to me to be abuse, though other forms of physical discipline could. I'd say if its enough to leave a bruise, its too much to use for children. And only for consenting adults.

Though my family never used physical discipline (well, once. Twice. Literally only twice, ever) we still had definite discipline in the house.

I don't approve of people who think that not hitting children means they'll run wild. Not disciplining them at ALL does. But not just not hitting them.

I also disapprove of the thinking that laying hands on a child at all is abuse, though.

[Greenday]

I'm not too entirely sure about this subject. Kids need discipline and that's a fact. Does it need to be physical? Well, no, seeing as there are plenty of people who weren't physically disciplined and turned out well. But some people learn different ways and sometimes just telling a kid no or that they are being bad doesn't do anything.

[Hyena Dandy]

*nods* There's ways to punish a kid without touching them, and without just saying "Bad kid."

No desert, no sugary cereals, no electronics, whatever.

[boringscreenname]

My brothers and I were all spanked as children. I do spank my 2.5 year old, but it's a last resort type of punishment, that's reserved for when he's being especially naughty and nothing else is working. He only gets spanked on the butt once (he still wears diapers), and it's never hard enough to leave a red mark or bruise.

Kids respond differently to different types of discipline and punishments. What works for one kid might not work on another, you just have to figure out what works for your kids. My philosophy is you do what's best for your kids and I'll do what's best for mine.

[blas87]

There are two extremes, and both are bad.

The iron fist (or should I say, leather belt and wooden spoons) that my parents were raised with, and raised my brother and me with, goes too far. No matter what a child does, nothing warrants being given welts on your naked rear end by a large leather belt, or smacking a wooden spoon across your naked ass so hard that the spoon breaks.

Then you have the psychological hippy-bullshit "reason with your child on their level" parenting that is also a fail. That 1-2-3 magic, the "corner", and trying to talk and reason with a child. That's just stupid and doesn't work. Kids will test the waters because they want to see what happens if you get to 3, or what could be worse than the naughty chair or the corner.

You have to find a happy medium.

[Andara Bledin]

No desert, no sugary cereals, no electronics, whatever.

When I was little, the only way to get through to me that I had been bad was to spank me. The only other possible thing that would have made me consider changing my behavior would have been extra chores, but probably not.

My mom was of the opinion that a smack to the backside was never going to hurt anyone, but hitting elsewhere (other than a slap to the back of the hand to enforce a no-touching rule, particularly when the thing touched would be dangerous) or using any sort of weapon crossed the line into abuse. I tend to agree with her.

One should never use food as a disciplinary tool. That often leads to eating disorders later in life, such as comfort eating.

That 1-2-3 magic, the "corner", and trying to talk and reason with a child. That's just stupid and doesn't work.

May not work for you, but definitely works for some kids.

Put me in a corner and I'd entertain myself for hours. Utterly pointless.

Stick my brother in a corner and he'd be fidgeting and hating it within two minutes.

^-.-^

[guywithashovel]

Die-hard spanking proponents often like to assume that people who oppose it are all childless liberals who happened to get their hands on a few child psychology books. Actually, there are parents who oppose it, and there are people without kids who are fine with spanking as long as it doesn't cross the border into abuse.

I tend to go back and forth about physical punishment in schools, though. Initially, I'm inclined to say that only parents should adminster that kind of punishment. However, middle and high school kids can often be quite mouthy and obnoxious. I wonder how many of them would be so quick to rattle off smart remarks or engage in other disruptive antics if they knew that doing so would earn them a few sharp lashes across the butt with a board or leather strap. Maybe their behavior wouldn't improve under those circumstances, but I can't help but wonder.

[Gravekeeper]

When I was little, the only way to get through to me that I had been bad was to spank me. The only other possible thing that would have made me consider changing my behavior would have been extra chores, but probably not.

Similar to my mom. My mom's reasoning is a really young child ( 1 to 3-4ish depending on the kid. 2 is especially bad. >.> ) isn't going to understand if you try to reason with them. She won't spank a child or use weaponry or anything, but you'll get a swat on the ass or the hand to get your attention then an explaination of what you're doing thats wrong. Do it again and it was off to the Stairs(tm). None of my nieces or nephews are fond of the Stairs(tm). You go to the stairs and you sit there till you're ready to behave. The stairs face a wall. There are no windows. There is nothing but boredom ( and if you try to entertain yourself, you will be informed to sit quietly and do nothing ). But its still close enough to the livingroom for you to hear everyone else having fun without you ;p

My mom had utterly endless patience though. You'd never be able to wait her out on the Stairs(tm) or frustrate her. You'd get the same consistent punishment regardless till it sunk in.

[Andara Bledin]

None of my nieces or nephews are fond of the Stairs(tm). You go to the stairs and you sit there till you're ready to behave. The stairs face a wall. There are no windows. There is nothing but boredom ( and if you try to entertain yourself, you will be informed to sit quietly and do nothing ). But its still close enough to the livingroom for you to hear everyone else having fun without you ;p

That would have had absolutely no effect on me. I could sit stock still in the same position for ages, making up stories in my head, and often did. I still do, actually, whenever I have to wait for a while. It's probably a good thing for everybody involved that I've always been inclined to be "good," because if I'd been bad, there wouldn't have been much in the way of punishment that would have been useful as a deterrent.

^-.-^

[blas87]

The "naughty chair", the corner, 1-2-3, and the like never phased me.

Whacking the hell out of my ass sure phased me, but I still think that's the wrong thing to do. A whack, a little spank, sure. But no giant leather belts, no spoons, NO OBJECTS. That's just masochistic.

[linguist]

The "naughty chair", the corner, 1-2-3, and the like never phased me.

Whacking the hell out of my ass sure phased me, but I still think that's the wrong thing to do. A whack, a little spank, sure. But no giant leather belts, no spoons, NO OBJECTS. That's just masochistic.

Neither of those had any effect on me. I'm good at entertaining myself, so isolation was not effective, and I've got such a high pain tolerance that in order for physical punishment to get through it would have had to cross the line into abuse.

The effective punishments for me were The Look, which my mom is a master of, in which she gives you this look of utter disappointment, and I hate disappointing my parents, and then taking my books away. I lived in fear of having my books taken, so just the threat was enough to get me into line.

In general, though, I don't think any side has the absolute right. If spanking works for you, great, do it as long as you don't overdo it. If non-physical punishments work, then do that. But I don't think that anyone on either side has the right to deride the other side's methods, so long as they're not crossing any lines.

[AdminAssistant]

Mom has told me that when I was small she would get frustrated because I wouldn't cry when I was spanked. So she spanked harder. Still didn't work. She'd try sending me to my room, but that's my favorite place to be, so that didn't work either. So, she settled on emotional manipulation, which worked wonders. Wonderful parenting, eh? And now she has a neurotic mess of an adult child who feels the need to apologize for everything.

Thanks, Mom!

[Andara Bledin]

I'm starting to think that for those kids that don't respond to either spanking or isolation/time-outs, perhaps a chore system might do it. Have set chores for the kids, then if they're particularly good, they get to get out of doing a chore, but if they're bad, they get extra chores added in. I've met very few kids who actually enjoyed doing chores.

Well, except that I actually liked washing the dishes. I still do, but I hate the time it takes, 'cause I'd rather be playing on my computer. >_<

^-.-^

[boringscreenname]

I think a chore system might be effective for a lot of kids. I also have a lot of friends with kids who remove their kid's privileges and they have to earn them back with good behavior.

I also had one friend whose kid was acting out so much they removed everything from the kid's room except a bed and a couple pairs of clothes. Everything else was boxed up and had to be earned back with good behavior.

[AdminAssistant]

The problem with chore discipline is that then you have a child who associates doing housework as punishment, which can become an issue when they become adults.