A Thread On Physical Discipline

[Amanita]

^I'll second that. Since housework and room cleaning were punishments, I've come to hate it. And now I'm a slob with an impressively cluttered room.

And I have to disagree majorly with corporal punishment in the schools. Wanna know why? For one, I was on the wrong end of the bullying stick through a lot of my school career. Groups of fellow students would either instigate shit with me, then go crying foul to the teacher when I did anything in my own defense, blaming me for starting it. And sometimes they would outright lie and make things up to get me in more shit. And of course, since they were a group and I was by myself, of course the teacher believed them over me. It was too much for teacher to comprehend that perhaps this group of kids who considered tormenting me to be an official sport, just might be lying, but nooo. Since it was one of me and several of them, the teacher ALWAYS sided with the group. Imagine how much worse that would have been if those assholes had known that they could get me paddled? They would have loved it, and stepped it up, big time.

Teachers and school admins also play favorites. Do you really think that little Miss popular, Mr all-that, Miss Cheerleader, or Mr Jock, or the student with rich, complaining parents are going to get paddled? Nah, they'll most likely skate with a slap on the wrist while Mr or Miss goth/freak/outcast/loner gets paddled for the same offense, or even lesser ones.

I'll also speak from personal experience here- I was a student at the same school my dad was a teacher at. I had one teacher who went way the hell overboard to prove to the other students that I was not getting off easy because my dad was a teacher. This teacher punished me for trivial offenses like having a non-class related book in my bag (not reading it during class, just in my bag) while other classmates read guitar and heavy metal magazines with impunity. I got shit on for doodling in my binders, while other students got away with it. I just know that had paddling been an option, he probably would have made sure I got one, just to prove he wasn't going easy on me because my dad was also a teacher.

[Andara Bledin]

You do have to be careful with how you do it. You wouldn't be making the chores themselves the punishment, but making them do a chore that was the responsibility of someone else, preferably the parent or guardian. You could conceivably sell it as since you, the parent, had to take the time to correct the child, the child must now pay that time back, and will do so by doing work that the parent would normally have done otherwise.

So, much as with a time out or grounding, it's still a time-based punishment, but with the time being made to be useful as opposed to the child being idle.

Alternately, if you have nothing actually constructive to have the kid do, you could have them write an essay during that time, maybe having them put down why they think they're being punished and if they think it's fair or not.

All that said, I'm not now, nor ever plan to be a parent or in charge of kids. So, like any plan, it's likely that my methods would not survive the first encounter intact.

[edit to add]

I've always considered things like keeping a room tidy to be an everyday, all the time thing, and not to be considered a chore or called a chore. Making it presentable for guests, yes, but everyday not leaving clothes all over the floor and no food/trash being left around should be things you do automatically every day, like with brushing teeth and other basic routines.

^-.-^

[guywithashovel]

I think Amanita probably has a point about corporal punishment in schools. I just get really annoyed at those kids who think school is a place for them to prove to the world what douche bags they can be, and it brings out my vindictive side.

[Hyena Dandy]

The "naughty chair", the corner, 1-2-3, and the like never phased me.

Whacking the hell out of my ass sure phased me, but I still think that's the wrong thing to do. A whack, a little spank, sure. But no giant leather belts, no spoons, NO OBJECTS. That's just masochistic.

Or possibly sadistic.

[Amanita]

I'll add another bit of fuckery to what I said earlier- about how one teacher always punished me more harshly than the rest, just to prove he wasn't playing favorites with a "teacher's daughter". Like I said, I got in shit if I had a book from the library on my person that wasn't needed for class. Meanwhile another classmate of mine brought a switchblade, and played with it while the teacher was out of the room. The blade alone on this thing was easily 7-8" long. I reported it to the teacher, and nothing happened! Never mind that switchblades are illegal in Canada! Likewise, when this same student made a fireball about 3 or 4 feet long in a crowded hallway using a can of aerosol deodorant and a lighter. Nothing happened in either case. Meanwhile, even getting caught with a doodle or unauthorized book in my knapsack was grounds for me to get yelled at, or to have my property confiscated.

[Mishi]

I have the same discipline structure as Gravekeeper's mum, but it really does depend on the child. Miss 4 doesn't care about a smack on the bottom, but she does care about having to sit on the stairs by herself, without talking. Miss 2, however, will stop with just a firm "No". She pouts a bit, listens to why she shouldn't do what she's doing and almost always doesn't do it again.

My mother used to use wooden spoons, wooden coathangers and the thick, heavy platform clogs to smack me after I waited in the bathroom or hallway for her to calm down. I was homeschooled and told that it was normal. Yeah, I'm not so keen on the physical punishment and I despise emotional manipulation. It takes a really twisted individual to enjoy doing that to a child and to use the Bible to excuse their behaviour.

[FArchivist]

When I was little, the only way to get through to me that I had been bad was to spank me. The only other possible thing that would have made me consider changing my behavior would have been extra chores, but probably not.

I was the same way. The only deterrent I cared about was pain. Restrictions didn't phase me; I would just break them as I wished. But pain? That did it. Eventually, it became clear that spankings ceased to work at all and only a direct sock or two to my nose would do any dissuading whatsoever. Luckily, around that time I decided to become more law-abiding than not.

[Eisa]

I got spanked so hard with a belt, my ass bruised and I could barely sit down for days, if not a week.

Grounding would have worked. That's what my mom did. The weird thing is I am perfectly ok just sitting in my room, reading or doing nothing or whatever. But when you MAKE me HAVE to do that? I hate it.

[IDrinkaRum]

Child Rum's brain is definitely wired differently from neurotypical children, and it's not even because she's autistic (which is part of it, but not all). There's a name for it, but I can't think of it off the top of my head. She doesn't cry when I spank her, she laughs. Her emotions are completely opposite of what the "should be".

Example: When she was about 3(?), she ran away from me, and almost ended up in the street where a car was coming down. Fortunately she stopped at the corner. I was hysterical and screaming and crying. Child Rum looked at me and started to laugh. She wasn't upset that I was upset. She wasn't scared about almost getting hit by a car.

Spanking doesn't work. As I said she laughs.

She hates going to her room.

The solution that I use when she's acting up?

I take whatever toy is her favorite at the moment and put the toy in time-out. It works! She's upset that the toy is in time out, and asks for it back. But I tell her "You'll get it back at 'X time'". (If I take it away in the evening, it's the next morning, if it's in the morning, then it'll be that evening). And darned she doesn't remember and ask for it at the appropriate time!

But she does act better when her toy is in time out. Then when she gets it back, she's back to doing whatever is naughty. (Climbing the kitchen counters, spitting at either Mr. Rum or myself, stuff like that).

It's a never ending cycle.

But she always says she's sorry. That should count for something, right?

[Giggle Goose]

The solution that I use when she's acting up?

I take whatever toy is her favorite at the moment and put the toy in time-out. It works! She's upset that the toy is in time out, and asks for it back. But I tell her "You'll get it back at 'X time'". (If I take it away in the evening, it's the next morning, if it's in the morning, then it'll be that evening). And darned she doesn't remember and ask for it at the appropriate time!

That's a good one! I'm not a parent but I'll keep it in mind in case I ever am one day...a LONG time from now

[blas87]

If I ever have kids, I'll just threaten to sell them to the Amish if they act up.

[Greenday]

Honestly, nothing worked on me. I was good for the most part. Just really stubborn. As a kid, I pretty much had the mind of an adult. Always thinking, always analyzing. I was much too smart for my age. Punish me by unhooking my video game system. I'd hook it back up. Take it away? I'd find it. My parents never spanked me or anything. My dad did maybe a couple times as a really young kid but they didn't solve anything. I don't even really remember those times. Send me to my room with nothing to do? That's fine. I was very introverted back then and had no problem sitting around, just thinking about stuff.

[anakhouri]

I thought about telling Khan I'll sell him to the circus, but he might like that idea. Maybe Gypsies instead?

Rum has a great idea. I'll have to try that once he get a little older.

I am working on this myself because Khan is getting bigger and more stubborn all the time. Yelling at him does nothing and soon I will not be able to physically restrain him (he's strong! I joke I should have smoked and eaten junk food while I was pregnant so he wouldn't be so healthy...). I have tried a smack on the hand. Doesn't work, so I'm sure spanking wouldn't either. Right now, removal + distraction works, but as I said, not much longer.

I intend to implement time outs, but I foresee doing the SuperNanny thing where I have to take him back to the corner again...and again...SuperNanny always says you might have to do it 20 times until it works. I foresee doing it 70 times...or 100, or more. He's that stubborn.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Timeout wouldn't have worked for me; I just sit there and make up stories in my head, with a soundtrack playing. XD My parents only used smacking as a last resort and only while we didn't have the maturity to reason. After that, loss of pocket money, loss of privileges, doing sibling chores (especially if crime was against said sibling!) having to sit upstairs in room (no TVs were allowed in room til we were teens. XD) and missing out on treats were used instead. I was only smacked twice in my entire life, but the threat of being smacked sure as hell worked. O_o

And no, it doesn't hurt. Smacking is not supposed to hurt, or to be done out of parental anger. If it leaves bruises then they're doing it wrong. A lot of people who are against smacking seem to think that smacking is on a level with child abuse; if it's just kept to a swat on the butt, given out by a reasonable adult, then there's nothing abusive about it. Personally, as a child I would much prefer a smack to being given an essay to write, or a lecture. At least then the punishment is over and done with. XD

[ExRetailDrone]

My parents spanked me as a kid, but only as a last resort and it happened very, very rarely. I honestly only remember one solid incident, although I know there were at least a few others. Basically, if I had been told not to do something over and over and over again, or if I were doing something that was dangerous and not listening to my parents telling me no, then I would get a smack on the ass. The one time I remember I had probably kept acting up for a long time after being told to stop, and I recall running away from my dad because I knew I had pushed it too far and he was going to swat me. Obviously, being in the house, I couldn't go too far, and when he caught up with me he gave me a good whack on the butt that stung like crazy for a few minutes. That was enough. One swat. No bruises, no welts, no handprint that I recall. Oftentimes, just the threat of my dad spanking me was enough to keep me in line (for the most part... I was, and still am, stubborn as hell )

Time outs probably wouldn't have worked for me, either. I had a tremendous imagination and, like others here, would always be making up stories and scenarios in my head. So if I had to sit in a corner by myself not saying a word, I would be fine with that. Hell, I sometimes did that on my own anyway Or hide in a closet and just sit for a while, thinking. I was a weird kid.

I see nothing wrong with the occasional spanking if it works to help get a child to behave. Only with the bare, open-palmed hand, no utensils or weapons involved. That would push it to abuse for me. And no leaving any marks, because that would also be abuse in my mind. But sometimes kids just won't learn without a bit of a helping hand, so to speak. As others have said, it really depends on the individual child. Just like children don't learn the same way, they can't be punished all the same way, because it just won't work. There's too much coddling because parents are so scared about being brought up on abuse charges, so children who really do need to be spanked now and then are being sent to time outs because of parental fear, and the child will then just turn around and continue to misbehave because time outs do not work for him/her.