Announcement

**blas87** · 04-20-2011, 05:20 PM

As far as working class people go, I don't think we have a lot to fear about exes "cleaning you out" as much as it is simply protecting what is yours, as far as like I what I mentioned before (401K, pensions, etc). If you don't have a pre-nup and you divorce, your spouse can still be entitled to some of YOUR retirement money or your life savings and life insurance. Hell to the NO I say!

I won't do the joint checking either. Call me cynical, but people can make bad decisions, especially in hard times, and I'm not seeing a penny of mine going towards something I am not in favor of.

**muses_nightmare** · 04-20-2011, 06:09 PM

I don't know, maybe I just trust my partner a little more than some others? Not that I'm saying others don't trust their partners for the most part, but that when it comes to money I'm a bit more trusting than someone else might be. But then, my partner is good with money, sure he'll buy the odd stupid thing, I've done it too, but he's not off with our money spending like there's no tomorrow, he knows how to manage finances. Also, right now, I'm out of work, I have been for the past 6 months, though I do have a week long job coming up next week (Yay!) and I make the odd $50 doing a business card here and there, and he hasn't had a problem paying for what needs to be paid for, I don't like that he's been paying for everything, but that's how it's had to be. I am hoping that I find a job soon, I have an interview tomorrow, so here's hoping! I was making decent money a couple of years ago when he was in school and I covered a lot of the extra stuff we liked to do, and my part of the expenses of the household.

I think that's the difference I see between my relationship and some others, money is never referred to as theirs, but individually, even when married. That to me just seems odd, not necessarily wrong or anything, just odd.

**blas87** · 04-20-2011, 06:27 PM

It's not all about trust, it's about security. It's not being negative or not trusting someone to want to protect your own monetary assets (or your furniture or whatever else have you). You bet your ass I'm going to cover everything that's mine.

Someone who I break up with has no right to any of my stuff or my money, plain and simple. And the whole no-joint account thing is just the way I want to do it. I would rather split the bills or figure things out than to share an account with someone.

Sure, I have trust issues. I really don't trust anyone. I'm better safe, single, and still with all my stuff than the way a lot of people end up. But for most people, it's about security, knowing you won't end up homeless or without your life savings or your 401k being jeopardized because now your ex is entitled to some of it.

**muses_nightmare** · 04-20-2011, 06:53 PM

I think my frame of mind comes from the fact that, I haven't really had any breakups, none that counted anyway, I'm lucky that way. I've been with my current partner since I was 16 (I'm 24 now), we moved out together, and have been living together since 2007. I feel more secure knowing that our finances are together, all of the stuff in our apartment, we bought together for the most part, so I'm not at all concerned with him taking me to the cleaners if we ever break up (which is something I don't see in the future *knock on wood*). We'll also probably be on fairly even ground when it comes to income when I do eventually get a job in my field (which I hope is soon dammit!).

It still seems like a trust issue to me personally, but that's just my view of things.

**Kheldarson** · 04-20-2011, 07:29 PM

I think it kind of depends. Personally, I don't see a need for a prenup between Kabe and I. I don't forsee a split, and honestly, even if we did, I'd just want to get my crap and leave. And I'm sure he'd feel the same.

However, my Papa got one before he remarried. Course, it was after his boys (my dad and his brothers) insisted, but they weren't hearing good things about his new wife. So...yeah. Guess it kind of depends on your situation honestly.

**Andara Bledin** · 04-20-2011, 07:48 PM

Remember, a prenup doesn't just protect you from your significant other.

If something awful were to happen, a prenup would protect you from your partner's relations as well.

As for the bank account woes, I did the joint thing with my ex. We joined up a few years into the relationship, and when it dissolved, it was a pain in the ass to have to separate everything again. Plus, the bank managed to screw things up due to there being multiple accounts for each of our names. Not fun. Having separate accounts is easier in the long run.

^-.-^

**muses_nightmare** · 04-20-2011, 08:22 PM

Me and my partner didn't do the joint thing until 6-7 years into the relationship. Given I did start seeing him when I was 16, but we had been living together for a few years before joining things up. Though, finances were always something that we discussed together, it's less about the joint account thing, and more about couples that separate things so much that it seems as if they're simply roommates.

I wouldn't expect people who aren't living together to share finances in this way of course, but if you live with someone it shouldn't just be a matter of my half of this and your half of that the way that roommates do it. If that makes sense at all?

**BlaqueKatt** · 04-21-2011, 03:52 AM

Originally posted by muses_nightmare View Post

I will never understand couples, who have been together a long time (like in the case of me and my SO nearly 8 years), and/or are married who still have separate finances *shrugs*

simple explanation-my husband and I have separate accounts-we have been married for almost 5 years, were together for four years before we got married. He pays for x, I pay for y. Neither of us balance our checking accounts, we both know about how much we spend, and could tell you our bank balances without checking usually within $50(we underestimate).

I have found out what happens when you have a joint account, my first husband made it my job to balance the account via Quicken, which was fine, except half the time he wouldn't give me his checkbook, or would throw out his ATM receipts, so we were constantly overdrawn-and it was my fault because I balanced the checkbook.

second husband, left me and cleaned out our joint account, leaving me with a one year old child and no money save for the $50 a week he was so generous in giving me. And he left with zero warning, one day we were fine, 8 hours later he was packing his things, and out the door.

So yeah, I will never have a joint account again, for any reason.

**muses_nightmare** · 04-21-2011, 05:35 AM

I think I worded things incorrectly, like I said before, it's not necessarily about having a joint account, but about having your finances being used for the household and having both partners aware of what finances there are available to pay household bills and such. To go on living your lives as if everything is separate when it's really not just seems odd to me, I can see wanting separate bank accounts, especially if you've had bad experience with joint ones in the past, but to keep financial information from your partner, as if it's some secret from them, like you would a roommate or a friend seems odd and distrustful to me.

**Boozy** · 04-21-2011, 10:19 PM

My husband and I use separate chequing accounts, because it's so much simpler. We don't have to communicate with each other on a daily basis about how much money we've spent.

I can't count the number of times a customer's debit card won't go through and they say something like, "Oh, my spouse must have made a large purchase today."

We have joint savings and investments, but when it comes to daily use, separate accounts are the easiest solution. Especially for those who aren't on a strict budget. If every dime we made was earmarked for something, we could probably do a joint account. There wouldn't be any surprise purchases, and therefore no surprises at the check-out when I go to pay for something. But we're a bit looser with our spending and budgets.

No, we don't usually know how much money is in each other's accounts. But it's not a big deal. The bulk of a person's wealth isn't usually in their chequing accounts anyway. A chequing account is best used for expenses in the very near future. Any large amount that is being consistently carried over from month to month should be put into a high-yield savings account anyway.

**muses_nightmare** · 04-22-2011, 03:21 AM

It's not even that you have to know by the dime what's in eachother's accounts, but that you have a general idea. Like if your spouse refused to tell you what he or she made per hour at work I'd think something would be a little off about that, and it's not like I'd expect someone to hound the other person, but if you're sharing household expenses things like that are important to know. Me and my partner certainly don't penny count, but we did discuss how much we had in our accounts. My partner knew my pin number and such as well too, because I trusted him not to go into my account and clear it out.

I don't expect every dime of each partners to go to household stuff unless that's just how it has to be because of what expenses are and such, and small personal purchases don't really need to be discussed, but larger things should be a discussion, not "it's my money!" because those things can affect the household.

**FArchivist** · 04-22-2011, 06:16 AM