Woman with Stage 4 cancer denied custody of kids

[DGoddess]

Even if she's able to financially provide for them, is she able to physically care for them? One is 11, and old enough to do a lot on her own, but the other is 5. Can she clean up his messes, cook their meals, do their laundry, and all the other things that mothers have to do? Or was she making the 11 year old take on that responsibility?

It depends on the 11 year old.

Reason why I say that is this: when I was 11, I had to assume household responsibilities in addition to attending elementary school.

My evenings included housework, laundry (if needed), homework, dinner (if Mom was working late that is) and in the meantime watch over my then 6 year old brother, who had just started learning to speak within the past few months and who was still paranoid over strangers showing up on our doorstep.

Where was our Dad? Living with another woman and pretending he didn't have 2 small kids, one of which had (and still has) special needs.

Where was our Mom? Working 2, sometimes 3 jobs to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table and the bills paid.

We had Grandma (Mom's mom) who, even though she was older, had a bad leg and lost the use of one hand due to a bout with blood poisoning (which occurred when I was around 8) she had mobility issues. She'd try to do some stuff, such as folding the laundry that I got out of the dryer and dumped on her bed. Other than that, unless Mom had the day off from work (not often back then) I was either doing dishes/vacuuming/cleaning the bathroom.

Of course, most 11 year olds aren't expected to have this level of responsibility put on them . . . but then the times are different now as well (I was growing up during the 70's and part of the 80's.)

And if anything went wrong, I knew the phone number for Rose-Butt and she was right across the street.

But then back then, my Mom wasn't battling stage 4 cancer. This person in the OP is fighting a losing battle. Stage 4 is terminal . . . there's no higher stage (unless you want to call Death Stage 5.)

Factor in the fact that the other parent is out of state and apparently is WILLING to take his kids (which he would get anyway after the mother passes away.) That makes a difference as well for this situation.

The mom may find this cruel, but I suspect in her case it's better that her kids are adjusting now - before she's gone - to a life with their dad. It might make it a little easier on the kids to cope with their loss.

Or at least I hope it will. My heart goes out to them.

[Panacea]

Would YOU hire someone with stage 4 cancer? It's something you would have to disclose and I can just see them having heart attacks over insurance costs and all the other costs she might generate by being out, or I don't know ...dying.

It sucks that she got denied custody but again if she is that sick she could die at any time and that would be bad on the kids.

She doesn't have to disclose her illness, and even if she did ADA requires employers to provide reasonable accommodation.

That being said, she would probably be denied insurance at the new job due to the pre-existing condition.

My guess she is on Medicaid.

dendawg, it's hard to disguise chemotherapy. An employer would probably know that she's ill, even if she tried to disguise it.

Depends on when she started chemo. If she's fairly newly diagnosed, she may look fine. While she will have to miss work, she can't be fired for that, but she can take FMLA.

That's what Im asking, we don't know how she is paying the bills, she might have enough put aside to last another year without having a job. Some people do have savings/investments/insurance policies/family to fall back on.

My own mother has an insurance that will pay out $1000 a week for 3 years if she has to stop working for cancer treatments. We don't know enough about her financial situation to say simply that she has NO money because she isn't earning an income.

I have short term disability insurance to cover the gap for when my employer's long term disability insurance kicks in should something like that ever happen to me. It pays a fraction of what I would make actually working . . . I don't know how on earth I would be able to pay the bills. I'd have enough to pay the mortgage . . . barely . . . and nothing else.

What's interesting in all this is we know nothing about Dad: what he does for a living, whether he was paying child support (if so, that's how mom and kids are living). If Mom was getting child support, that goes away when the kids go to live with Dad, and now she has no income what so ever.

I agree with the comments that basically say kids need to go with Dad. Unless there's been some allegation of abuse or neglect, they need to live with the stable parent. The kids needs come before Moms. I know it's heartbreaking to think they might miss out on valuable time with Mom . . . but you have to set the right priorities.