When do you give the talk

[Cutenoob]

Man...this has got to be difficult for a parent.

My dad worked in a hospital, and had med books sitting around the house, so I would read one while eating breakfast. I loved to read.

I knew the mechanical parts about humans, but had no farking idea what was happening when my hormones hit me at WARP 9. Serious. I was 11 when my periods started.......and frisky as hell at 12.

My parents werent religious (thank god, D was a Catholic, M was Lutheran) so I didnt get the "Dont touch yourself or you'll die" lecture, but I didnt get anything saying "Its ok to do it, just do it in private"...

I was kind of left to fend for myself. I figured it out, thats for damn sure.

For kids that I will have: At age of 2 and up, we'll start naming body parts.And explaining the cause of life - animals have babies..let's go see the babies at the zoo.
And be involved w/ the kids @ school/after school. Some of the friends might influence Munchkin with the Uber Religious Cant Have Sex Til you're 40...and others might be saying, oh, get laid, its fun...
Moderation.

And to do this, I'd have to be better connected to Munchkins than my parents were to me. Friend, rule maker, and Parent.

God, what a load!

Cutenoob

[rahmota]

Cutenoob: yes it is a bit of a load. I've noticed a wide variety of results about this. But the most part is be honest and be ready to deal with it.

We have 1 daughter adn the rest boys ranging from 11(19 step son so hes already knowing what to do if not then his fiancee has probably shown him.) to 7 with the daughter being 8 so this is going to be rather interesting to deal with. My wife and I are working together to make sure our kids questions are answered honestly. We've identified body parts, and as they've gotten older answered the more difficult questions as they've come along. So hopefully they will turn out ok.

[DesignFox]

I think my mom had "the talk" with me around the time I was 8 or 9... I know in school we got to watch the videos in 4th grade...girls watched the one about girls, boys the one about boys...in 5th grade we swapped videos. I had already had the talk with mom before that.

Funny thing, she gave me her "woman's body" books to peruse...but forgot there was a whole section dedicated to sex positions... When she noticed that I had happened upon that, she took the book back.

At any rate, I think it all depends on the maturity of your child- what you think they can handle, what questions they are asking you. I think it is better if they find out the answers from you...plus, if you are calm about it and honest, your kids should turn out just fine. My parents never had problems trusting me with guys over the house (good thing for me, all my friends were guys!) and I think a lot of it has to do with their having educated me...

I think a lack of education, and instilling the fear of god in your children has a lot to do with whether or not/what mistakes/ how they will handle their mistakes if they make them... my parents biggest thing was not whether or not I was having sex, it was "are you taking the proper precautions?" (and I didn't seriously date until I was 17/18 anyway...I didn't give them too much to worry about...I think)

[Luna]

I developed enough to start wearing a bra in 3rd grade. Yes, 3rd grade at 8 years old. My 'mother' threw a book about periods at me and instructed me to read it. It had nothing about sex in it. I learned that from kids at school, and all of it was wrong.

I don't have kids, so I wouldn't know when would be a good time for the talk. I would think it would be given if they were developing faster than your avaerage kid, or emotionally older and more mature than the average kid. I would have liked to have gotten the talk for real so I would have been able to deal with all the issues I had from developing so young.

[BusBus]

When I was 7, a girl was telling all of us at the school playgoround what her parents had told her the night before about making babies. I didn't believe her of course and asked my mum about it when I got home. She said nothing, but gave me a kiddie picture book about making babies (ya know...the "when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much" stuff). She didn't even read it with me. The rest I learned in sex ed. In retrospect, I wished my mother had been more forward about this stuff, instead of hiding behind a picture book. Thank goodness the sex ed class in grade 5 was pretty thorough.

I know it's not easy to be a parent (I don't have kids, but I figured that one out ), but there are certain responsibilities involved. It's important to be frank with your children about sensitive topics; otherwise, they enter the world misinformed.

[rdp78]

I was in 4th grade (10) when my mom read with me a book about puberty and how babies were made. Anyway then at school we had sex ed, the boys and girls were separated. Well, we girls learn what happened when we get our period and what else happens to us as we grow. It wasn't until middle school until we had more sex ed and more understanding about well, sex. Also the funny thing is I don't think they called it sex ed but family education.

Well, I'm not parent so I'm not quite sure when to have the birds and bees discussion with a child but I have heard some children are starting puberty as young as 8 so sooner then later would be better. I also think if the child is asking the questions and hearing stuff from other kids then yeah, its probably best if you talk to them. Anyway I do think it is irresonsible for a parent to not talk to their child about sex no matter how old they get with everything is going on today and they might found out about sex but not in a good way.

[blas87]

There was never a "talk" for me or even a pep talk for my period. Dad was too embarrassed about the period stuff, but he knew that I needed to know about sex....but my mother, being the religious zealot that she was back then, and being in total control of everything in the house and family.....took the "it's dirty, don't it" and "do it and you'll get pregnant" approach.

And she wonders why I spun into a world of drugs sex and booze at age 14

And she wonders why I turned to friends and older cousins for period talks, and why I learned everything about sex from my friends.

I know I'm not a parent and not in a position to patronize anyone, but please listen when I say, DO NOT USE THE "IT'S DIRTY AND WRONG, AND GOD WILL HATE YOU FOR IT" approach. Unless you want your child addicted to pot and booze and having sex freshman year.

[Seshat]

I learned the biological facts so gradually I've completely forgotten how. I know there was sex ed at my primary school, and some of the 'when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much' stuff at home. Also, there were biology books suitable for our reading levels at home, and those were uncensored.

Around seven or eight I decided I was going to be a doctor, so my parents encouraged me to read medicine-for-teenagers stuff (I had a high reading level), then when I outgrew those, they got me an adult library card.

So I knew an awful lot of the biological detail from a very young age. I knew about contraception, safe(r) sex, and disease as well. I could explain the menstrual cycle, knew what an ectopic pregnancy is, and so forth. What I didn't know was that sex was fun!

I am not a parent myself, but I am both an aunt and an honourary aunt. The children I share responsibility for are learning everything they're ready to understand about sex, sexuality and relationships.

My personal curriculum for sex ed includes things like sex having a bonding effect between the participants, the social consequences of promiscuous behaviour, the sexual double standard and the madonna/whore duality. These, admittedly, are advanced topics, mostly cultural effects, and controversial topics. But they're part of what a person needs to know to make an informed decision.

What I want to achieve is for the children I share responsibility for to become, eventually, adults who make informed decisions for themselves, and question everything. Including me.

[NightAngel]

I never had to have the entire 'birds and bees' talk with my oldest son. He has always loved science subjects and I never put a cap on what he could read about or learn. He knew all about reproduction in many animals, including humans, since he was little. Learning about any particular animal, it's behaviors, etc. also means learning about how it attracts mates and it's reproductive processes.

Basically, none of it was a surprise to him it was just part of the natural life span processes that he'd always learned about. There was no for either of us.

I really only had to have a talk about personal responsibility, the consequences of your actions and the highly mandatory threatening to beat him to death if he made me a Gramma before he was a legal adult.

[Greenday]

We had sex ed when I was in 5th grade. So I guess I was about 10-11 when I learned about it in school. My middle school and high school were huge on safe sex.

I didn't get a talk about it from my mom until I was 14 though. She knew I knew what sex was already so she didn't have to teach me about it. The talk I got was, "I know sooner or later you are going to start having sex, so when you do, just be safe and use a condom. If you don't have one, ask me, your step-dad, or your sister to get you one." Although it wasn't for a few more years until I actually did have sex, that seemed to be about the right age for that talk. Most kids don't become seriously sexually active until around high school, so to give me that talk the year before high school seemed pretty appropriate.

[CancelMyService]

I'm of the belief that age 10 is probably the best time, for boys at least. Girls kind of have an advantage that the whole period thing will (well should at least) prompt the "now you're growing up" talk.

I had the joy of having a mom who was a nurse. When I asked about babies I got the whole story with no details spared. I remember tellng her "I'M NEVER DOING *THAT*!!!", which obviously I got over pretty soon afterwards. Ironically I was asking about the egg/sperm stuff and wasn't expecting to hear about intermingling of naughty parts.

[Seshat]

Actually, the period talk should happen before the girl has her first period. Imagine waking up with blood on your sheets and realising it came from THERE

And an unfortunate few girls become fertile in their very first cycle, and can become pregnant before their first period. It's a very small percentage, but you don't want it happening in your family. So girls need at least a minimal birds-and-bees talk before obvious puberty. The rest of it can wait until the bloodstained sheets.

[CancelMyService]

Most females I know pretty much had that happen to them. Like, they had a sort-of-understanding of how things worked then one day it was "OHMYGODBLOODFROMTHERE".

I guess it is kind of a shock when it actually happens, but it's reason #9877081 I'm glad I'm not female

[Boozy]

Most psychologists agree that parents give the birds-and-the-bees talk way too late.

Between the ages of 8-10 is ideal. You don't have to go into gory detail - keep the talk age appropriate. But its important to drop the whole "stork" thing, or "God put a seed in mommy's tummy because daddy loves her very much." They need real information.

The won't be having sex for another few years at least, but the idea is to give them accurate information before they start receiving inaccurate information from all other sources. It also establishes a good rapport between parent and child to encourage approachability in later years.

[Seshat]

Most females I know pretty much had that happen to them. Like, they had a sort-of-understanding of how things worked then one day it was "OHMYGODBLOODFROMTHERE".

I didn't, and I'm grateful. Apparently I was also horribly embarassing for my parents, but at least I accepted it as a normal thing and wasn't scared.

I'm strongly in favour of girls knowing that they're going to menstruate one day - mostly because I'm against unnecessary trauma.