Babies, toddlers and "etiquette" for dealing with each

[Dreamstalker]

I was having a discussion with my mom a few days ago about how it's perfectly alright, even encouraged, to interact with infants in prams/strollers. However, as soon as the child reaches toddler age, even smiling at them could be misread.

I was on the T (Green Line) yesterday and sitting facing me was a mother and toddler. The little one noticed my socks (dark red with a nice big silly smiley-face on the ankle). I noticed that she was interested, so glanced up, split-second eye contact and smile-wave as I hiked my sock up so she could see the face better. Nothing even remotely "inappropriate".

Cue stinkeye/zomg-how-dare-you glower from the mom. They got off the train at the next stop. Cue passenger next to me: "What was her problem?". I don't think I'm that creepy...

Flip side, I've inadvertently amused fussy toddlers on the subway before (they seem fascinated by my collection of plush keychains) and parents have thanked me for keeping them from getting bored during the trip. That's all happened on the Red Line, interesting distinction there.

I just find that interesting: infants are attention magnets and most parents are fine with that, but as soon as a kid starts to walk, nobody but the parents should even look at them.

In part I understand why this is (pedophile fears), but also feel said fears can be greatly exaggerated.

[the_std]

I can honestly say that I've never been given the stink-eye in Canada for interacting with someone's toddler. I'm a female, however, so that might have something to do with it. The only time I've ever been glared at was on a plane from Toronto to London (England). There was an Indian woman with two children sitting across from me, and one boy kept staring at me and my sister. I made a few faces, hoping to get him to go away, but he just started laughing instead. His mother turned around and shot daggers at me with her eyes. I don't really blame her, I mean, alone with two under-five kids on a nine-hour plane ride? Stressful, to say the least.

I do not understand this whole "oh no, you know what sex is, that means you want to touch my widdle pwecious! Get away, predator!" mentality that seems to pervade Western culture. (Although it seems to be more of an American thing. I haven't seen it much here in Western Canada.) Although I do believe it has something to do with the general over-protectiveness that seems to have sprang up lately.

[Dreamstalker]

I'm female too. I would think that the "stranger danger" would logically lean toward strange men (at least that's what I learned as a pup). The last time I flew (Boston to Albuquerque), there was a little boy in the seat in front of me who seemed to be having a grand old time playing peekaboo. His mom notices, turns around and snarls: "Stop that!" to the kid (who promptly starts wailing, thus ticking off half the plane) and giving me the stinkeye.

I'm still not sure if this sort of thing is more common to big cities or if the only explanation is people are paranoid. I do agree that it may be an outgrowth of the general tendency to make everything cushy-soft for kids, thus setting them up for potential problems when they enter the real world and find that yes, many things do have sharp parts.

[Boozy]

Older babies and toddlers can "make strange" the way smaller babies won't. A funny face will make almost any 3 month-old laugh. It may also make a 2 year-old laugh, but it could also make them scream in terror.

I've never felt that the attention I pay to kids is unwelcome by parents, but if you have, its possible that's why. If you have a sensitive child, you'll do almost anything to avoid tantrums in public.

[Titi]

I feel the parent was in the wrong for giving you that look. Unless some newspaper mentioned that there was some pedophile wearing smiley socks and waving at toddlers (maybe it was in the Weekly World News, ( an off the wall tabloid that reported aliens sleeping with people, etc.) )

[Dreamstalker]

It wouldn't surprise me if people around here were taking WWN (didn't they cease publication tho?), Enquirer, Star, et al as gospel.

What are fun socks made for if not to amuse people?

[DesignFox]

I think people are overprotective, anymore.

Sheesh. Everyone oohs and goo-goos at little kids. What's wrong with that? Unless someone is trying to lead them off somewhere, what's the big freakin' deal?

The other thing that bothers me is that men should feel "scared" to interact with children. Just because a man smiles at a baby, it doesn't mean he is a pedophile. That attitude needs to go. It is extremely unhealthy, not to mention horridly unfair to men.

When I was a kid I was taught stranger danger, but not to ignore people, run away or be rude to them just because they smiled at me! Yikes, we wonder why people have no social skills.

Of course, on the flip side of this, when I worked at the mall, people would abandon young children around the two stores I worked in all the time... Talk about a mixed set of ideas.

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

I was once yelled at because I scared a toddler. Heaven forbit I was wearing my mirrored sunglasses while standing in line at an icecream place that serves people outside. This means that with my sun sensitivity I am required by a doctor to keep my sunglasses on and to make sure that they are dark, polorized and UVA and B blockers.

I don't need a perscription to get them as I can find exactly what the doctor ordered for $10 at Wallmart, but he does want me to wear them.

So I'm standing in the sun hence the need to wear sunglasses. The mother is wearing a pair, as is most everyone else. I'm the only one wearing ones with mirrored blue lenses however and I guess the kid has never encountered them before. Unfamiliar = scary in their eyes I guess.

Mother rips me a new one screaming cursing at me. Rather cause a scene I calmly explain that they are a medical necessity but I'll leave so as not to freak out the kid anymore.

Really took the wind out of her sails when she was a screaming jerk and I was a rational human being.

M

[AFPheonix]

Ah hah hah hah
I had a similar situation when I was younger and trick-or-treating in a scary mask. A little boy behind me was deathly afraid of my mask and started screaming. I thought I'd calm him down and take it off.
Nope, scared him more. Whoops....

[Boozy]

Nope, scared him more. Whoops....

You went from being just a scary monster to being a scary monster that ate a young girl.

[AFPheonix]

Well, I was like, 10 years old or so, it seemed like a good idea at the time vv

[Seshat]

When I'm using my wheelchair or mobility scooter, toddlers and young children find me fascinating. The parents seem to think I'm non-threatening as well - I've never had anyone mind me taking a moment to give the kid 'disability 101'.

If 'female' is seen as harmless, 'female & disabled' seems to be doubly harmless.

(Like there's never been a disabled female pedophile. I'm sure there has been. Most aberrations are independant of gender or ability/disability.)