Is rape such a big deal?

[Andara Bledin]

It's not "just sex" anymore than a punch in the face is "just being touched."

Well said.

^-.-^

[Boozy]

(And I wish the subject line made it clear that this was about rape!)

The title has been changed.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Rape isn't about sex. Take prison rape, for example. The guys who rape other guys in prison are rarely homosexual; they do the act as a way of taking control, of belittiling the victim and reducing them to nothing. It's a means of showing how much power you have. Carl Panzram raped a lot of guys, but if anyone had suggested he was gay, he would have been insulted.

There are three main types; power, rage and sadistic. There is not a "sex rape", for the simple reason that sex is not the main objective. If a rapist wanted sex, all they'd have to do is go and hire a prostitute or pick up a willing partner from a club. Read the following link for more information:

http://geshem.bi.org/patternsa.html

That is why rape is so devastating to a victim. The rapist reduces the victim to an object, to an unperson. It's not just sex; it's torture.

[LexiaFira]

Being raped was like if someone kicked your ass and then took who you were and broke you over their knee like Bane to Batman.
It's like having your soul ripped out and being left a shell of a person who spends years trying to reclaim who you were because someone has destroyed the very essence of who you were. It's having your mind violated and broken as much as your body.

It's a scar that you will carry with you for the rest of your life and never ever be able to be completely put it away no matter how much you wish you could.

not to be sexist but rape for a female or for me at least is having something in you that you do not want like a foreign object, and it feels violating.
You cannot look at people the same again if ever

And I suppose for some men or even women its different or in their minds less...harsh? For whatever reason that person just deals with it better?

To me its like the surgery done without my permission, just put me under and cut. And for me that is a HUGE HUGE deal, I do NOT LIKE being asleep by anesthesia for any reason, I do not even like sleep aids via pill form. Because while i am out what is or has that person done to me? Something was taken that can never be returned. That innocence is gone.
It defined sex for me ever since...as my first time was very much unwilling.

how else can i convey said feelings without being psychic? I cannot beam such feelings into another's mind to have them understand why its that bad

[siead_lietrathua]

i'm gonna chime in on the its not just about the sex thing. it is defiantly about power.

~potential tmi personal-story time, skip if hate that stuff~

as a 10 year old, i was repeatedly sexually assaulted over a period of months by a person a few years older than me. this same person also abused me mentally, emotionally, and physically for years before and up into my late teens.
first time i told someone i had ever even been abused i was 18.
finally started talking about it openly among friends at 24.
only 2 people in this world know who did it.

its not just something that effects you physically. its very emotionally damaging. i cannot be alone with men i do not know without panicking. i cannot be touched suddenly without flipping out. developed eating disorders, became mildly manic-depressive, borderline dissociative-identity-disorder, suicidal, homicidal, developed a wide and varied range of phobias and a sex addiction.

and this is almost 16 years ago. it never really leaves you.

[HYHYBT]

There will be people claiming she consented, but regretted it, so is trying to blame the rapist.

How ARE people, particularly jurors, supposed to determine guilt in that sort of case? You cannot simply assume "accused, therefore guilty" either, and proof of sex is not proof one way or the other on consent.

[Greenday]

How ARE people, particularly jurors, supposed to determine guilt in that sort of case? You cannot simply assume "accused, therefore guilty" either, and proof of sex is not proof one way or the other on consent.

Signs of trauma, injuries that imply struggle, impairment.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Plus, medical evidence often proves the case. That's why, despite the trauma, it's important for an examination to be made of the victim as soon as possible after the rape.

[Shangri-laschild]

Even for people who see sex as a casual thing, it is still an intimate thing. Even if you don't know the person. The act itself even without there being an emotional connection to the other person. And it's not like quickly being stabbed and then the attack part is over. Not to mention all the emotional and psychological aspects. It's not just upsetting to people who view sex as something more than casual or who have strict religious views on sex. There is the guilt, the conflict because of the guilt because hopefully at least part of you knows that you're not to blame, there is trouble trusting, feeling unclean, etc. And that's just what's going on in your end without any help from whatever your attacker is probably telling you.

[Sleepwalker]

If you went through every moment of your day calculating your risk of getting punched in the face, and if getting punched in the face could disease you, impregnate you, and/or ruin your relationships and socials tanding, perhaps they would be similar crimes. Rape is a terrorist act.

[Beckpatton]

Like other posters have said already, Rape is not about sex it's about power! One person forcing their dominance over another, showing who's stronger, who's 'better', who's in charge.

Sure for some people sex isn't a big deal, but they are consenting to their no big deal sex, they aren't being forced, not being violated.

Being bashed, assaulted, mugged etc is enough to shake anyone's core, leaving them unable to trust, leave their homes, communicate with others, live a normal life... Rape is so much worse because not only are lives shattered, but there is still so much shame associated with the crime, it's hard to come forward about it.. no one blames themselves when they are randomly jumped and beaten in a mugging.. Maybe they will think 'I shouldn't have been in that part of town at that time of night' but that's about it, a rape victim will spend the rest of their life thinking "did I send some kind of signal, was it my outfit, something I said, where I went, who I saw, the amount I drank' etc.

Also, the mugging victim will have their entire family rally to support them.. rape victims aren't always so lucky.. depending on the circusmtances, in particular when their attacker is not a stranger, as is the case most of the time, there is always the risk that family and friends wont believe them, they will take the attackers side..

Proving rape isn't a black and white situation, victims go through so much more trying to seek justice.. an assault victim will usually have witnesses, physical evidence that is absolute proof that an assault was made.. Rape is very much he said she said, there are rarely any witnesses, and I think that's a big part of why it's so hard to deal with... not being believed after you've had the courage to speak up just shatters ones soul!

[Rapscallion]

Dr F? Since you started this thread, I'd be interested to know if your opinions have been swayed in any way by the results.

Rapscallion

[protege]

Raps, I was wondering about that myself!

[Ree]

I'm not trying to diminish anyone's pain

Trying to determine if that's the biggest pile of steaming horseshit I have ever read on this site.

Disclaimer: If you randomly cry several times a day, you may not want to be here.

WTF????
What a dick thing to add as a disclaimer.

Seriously.
"Randomly cry several times a day"???

Could you be any less compassionate?

I have stayed out of this thread, but now that I see you have hit and run with the almost trollish style of posting an incredibly controversial comment, and then run without coming back to actually debate or concede your point, I had to comment.

I find it interesting that a title edit had to be made, as you seem to have confused "sex" and "rape".
I can't educate you on that mistaken impression any better than some who have already posted very intelligent and informative answers to that.
I hope you actually read them and learn from them.

In fact, I hope you have learned from everything that has been posted in reply.

I truly feel sorry for you if you don't have a change of attitude after reading what has been posted here. (That's the point of a debate, you know. One side makes a statement, and the other side makes a rebuttal against that statement, usually in an attempt to sway the other side to their point of view. In a successful debate, if one side is able to make intelligent and sound arguments, they are able to get the other side to concede that perhaps their original point was flawed. This is a debating site, yet I have seen a lot of sound and rational rebuttal, and nothing from your side of the argument. )

I would hate to think that you would continue to stand firm on your point after such convincing arguments showing you just how mistaken your original argument was.

[Jester]

I agree with Ree. Not an every day occurrence, to be honest.

But I am going to give the OP the benefit of the doubt and believe that they really don't see the big deal. Which tells me that they have clearly never been raped.

I have never been raped, either. However, many of my friends and many people I've met in my life have. And I have seen that the pain it caused touched their very souls. And even if I knew nothing else about the subject, that would tell me that sex and rape are not even close to being the same thing.

An argument could be made that sex is not a big deal. To some people, it isn't. To some people, it is. Some people reserve sex for marriage and/or their true love, some people give it away freely without remorse, enjoying it almost as an athletic endeavor. I personally have no problem with either extreme, as these people have made their choices.

And that's the key thing here: choice. Sex involves choice. You choose who you have sex with. You choose who you don't have sex with. Rape removes that part of the equation. Rape involves having an action forced upon you without your consent, without being allowed to make a choice about it. While the physical act, i.e., penetration, is basically the same, the acts themselves couldn't be more different.

Whatever one's views on sex, there is no denying that it is at the core of our nature as beings, as it is the act by which we reproduce as a species. So as a human, it is almost impossible to ignore. You can choose to forego it, but you can't ignore its existence without ignoring reality. And to many people, how they go about dealing with sex, whether they have it not, and who they do or don't have it with, is a very personal choice.

Rape, as I said, removes any pretense of choice. It is an action of power and control by one person of another. It is a violation of our right as people to control our own bodies and what we do with them. It is the most brutal form of invasion of privacy we have ever seen. It is brutal, it is harsh, it is hostile, and it is hateful. Sex is an expression of love, on various levels. Rape has as much to do with love as a car bomb has to do with driving.

In answer to the question, "Is rape that big a deal?" The answer is unequivocably yes. If anyone still has doubts about this, I invite you to volunteer at a rape crisis center or rape hotline. Or just talk to some of your female friends. After all, odds are very high that one or more of them have been the victim of rape. And I guarantee you that THEY will think it was that big a deal.

Now I am going to stop being sensible for a moment and be harsh. Brutally harsh. Someone earlier said that rape is something you would never advocate or wish for, or something to that effect. Well, I am going to do just that. Because I really want to believe that the OP was asking their question honestly, and did not have much experience in this area. But if Ree's implied belief that the OP is just trolling to start some trouble, or worse, is trying to mock or degrade those who have been a victim of rape, than I fervently and without reservation hope that they themselves are raped, so that they no longer have any questions about what a traumatic experience it is.

Karma's a bitch.