Is rape such a big deal?

[Sarah Valentine]

My aunt was raped by one of her friends at his house when she was in highschool, my sister was raped by her boyfriends best friend at a christmas party 6 years ago, it happened to me last year at my friends house. Yeah, I'd say it's a big deal, I'd like to think the guys in question got exactly what they deserved for what they did.

[Ladeeda]

Jester brought up a good point: that OP probably knows one or many women who have been raped. They just don't talk about it. Many don't for various reasons. I only know some of my friends have been raped because it came up in various conversations or message board conversations.

I have to wonder, have these silent friends of the OP heard some of these views of his vocalized? Rape jokes or poo-poohing rape victims without thinking? That can leave a HUGE impression. Can't even mention this around this person, or I'll be shot down for making a big deal over nothing.

DR, if you DO talk to your female friends about this, keep you mind open and mouth shut. And do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk down or dismiss what happened or how they feel about it. That will cause more harm than good.

[Eisa]

^Agreed. I was tempted to tell several people, but when they kept making stupid rape jokes, I was just like...ok, no. They do not deserve to know that about me, when it will probably bite me in the ass later.

I know that I know male and female friends who have been raped. Just going by statistics.

Also, Jester--I know it's horrible of me, but that wishing it on someone? Sometimes I kinda sorta wish that on some people a little bit, too. Cuz you know, if it's nothing, then it shouldn't bother you, right? Except that's an evil impulse, so I squash that. Yep.

[Andara Bledin]

He's been online today and posted in another thread, so the lack of response is likely deliberate and not due to being gone, or unable to take the time to say something.

^-.-^

[kibbles]

Yes, it is a big deal for the victims of rape (both male and female) and for those falsely accused of rape (both male and female) by so called victims.

[Jester]

Also, Jester--I know it's horrible of me, but that wishing it on someone? Sometimes I kinda sorta wish that on some people a little bit, too.

The day wishing evil things upon evil people is a horrible thing, than I will be guilty of multiple horrible things.

And I will welcome it with open fucking arms.

[LexiaFira]

Trying to determine if that's the biggest pile of steaming horseshit I have ever read on this site.
...
I have stayed out of this thread, but now that I see you have hit and run with the almost trollish style of posting an incredibly controversial comment, and then run without coming back to actually debate or concede your point, I had to comment.
...
I would hate to think that you would continue to stand firm on your point after such convincing arguments showing you just how mistaken your original argument was.

not to get too off topic, but having seen Dr. F's posting style, its almost as if when he posts he feels he is above the issue or is looking down on it like everyone else's pain, anger or whatever gripe with him is not as important as his own.
Or posts and runs and if to return, pages later....

Back on topic. I feel horrible having just maybe only had what I now feel is the lesser side of rape, being touched where and when I did not want to be. And other attempted things of which i won't post here.
At worse it put me off ever wanting to try sex until i was 21...
And I feel for every poster here who has dealt with and still deals with it.
Its not something to take lightly and for anyone that does, they just don't get it at all.

[Rapscallion]

not to get too off topic, but having seen Dr. F's posting style, its almost as if when he posts he feels he is above the issue or is looking down on it like everyone else's pain, anger or whatever gripe with him is not as important as his own.
Or posts and runs and if to return, pages later....

As someone who was one of the first responders in this thread, I'd love to hear his opinion. The sort of posting style does, regrettably, leave the impression that his posts could be taken as trolling.

Come on Dr F, how do you feel now?

Rapscallion

[Ree]

Just to clarify, the topic of this thread is one that can get very heated and stirs up a lot of emotion in people.

I think, because of something I posted, there may be a tendency to come across as attacking the OP rather than his point.

I have stayed out of this thread, but now that I see you have hit and run with the almost trollish style of posting an incredibly controversial comment, and then run without coming back to actually debate or concede your point, I had to comment.

That was not meant in any way to imply that the OP is a troll.
Even though this is fratching and more leeway is given, we still don't allow personal attacks.
I apologize if I gave the impression that it was OK to comment on and attack Dr F's posting style as a whole.

I still wish he would come back and post something to back up his original position, though, because I am really quite disturbed that anyone would think that current attitudes about rape are an overreaction, and I am very curious at what caused him to arrive at that conclusion.

[Dreamstalker]

Like other posters have said already, Rape is not about sex it's about power! One person forcing their dominance over another, showing who's stronger, who's 'better', who's in charge.

I posted about a "stalker" a few months ago on CS...while I wasn't actually raped (thankfully) and managed to get away, the power-trip on his part was there. While my hackles were up I was trying to be polite, thinking that maybe he was just as socially inept as I was at that age...as it turned out that was acting as a fairly good smokescreen.

For a few days afterward I was inwardly feeling like crap for not noticing sooner, a bit guilty for not "giving him a chance" because he had the same disability I did...although I knew I had no reason to feel bad for him, I still did. Why? Because I'm generally nonconfrontational to begin with. I was told growing up to not be afraid to stand up to a male if I felt threatened, but many women aren't.

[LexiaFira]

Dr. F posted in the other rape forum, so why start this one if not going to finish it. not TRYING to attack, but seriously why post something and then abandon it?

My only thing is that if you don't subscribe to any thread you post or post in, it does not show up in your list which is fine. So maybe he forgot about it, but still...

[HYHYBT]

Even a burglary can leave people feeling violated (depending on the person); just knowing that a stranger has been in here and been through my stuff and I didn't know and couldn't stop it, etc... a pale comparison, I know: it would be a billion* times worse when it's not just your stuff but yourself, but maybe that sort of analogy would be useful for someone who otherwise doesn't get it.

*not meant as an actual number

[Boozy]

Dr. F posted in the other rape forum, so why start this one if not going to finish it. not TRYING to attack, but seriously why post something and then abandon it?

There are many reasons why someone might start a thread and not come back to it. But that's not what we will be discussing here. We will be limiting our discussion to the topic presented in the OP.

Concerns about a member's posting style are best addressed in a PM to a moderator.

Any further comments about trolling will be deleted.

[LexiaFira]

got it. not saying anything about the OP anymore
going along with HYHYBT said...
I remember from my experiences...once that feeling has been felt, its very hard to be able to relax again without worrying will that person return be it from rape or robbery, you can't trust again for ages and everyone becomes someone capable of harm when that thought rarely ever occurred.
For years i watched people's movements when conversing, their body language for fear there is intent to harm me. No one could touch me not even for hugs.
It took forever to want to hug again.

[bara]

I cant even begin to imagine the absolute horror that a rape victim would feel, and I dont want to.

Being domintated in such a complete way would completely strip somone's sense of self worth, probably leaving some sort of gaping void inside. A black emptiness. Thats about as close as I can imagine it being.

I would also imagine the above empty feeling is what keeps some gals/guys in such a relationship or situation. They are still victims of course, psychological dominance is the whole point of rape.