Mother Makes Son Wear A Sign...

[Miss_Stress]

...saying he is a thief.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...hief-sign.html

I had niggling doubts about whether this was appropriate for the CS board, so I played safe and posted it here. Was this an appropriate punishment or was the mother too harsh?

[DrFaroohk]

It seems like it may have gone just a liiiiittle bit too far? As the article says, i think it would've been more appropriate to keep the humiliation localized to the incident, assuming he stole froma shop or a friend or something. Make him face that person, apologize and offer to make amends. this public humiliation thing just teaches him resentment, it teaches him to be sneakier and it sends him down a long, argumentatively defensive path where he learns true sociopathic behavior.

[Rageaholic]

That's not just harsh, that's abusive. Especially if this was his first time stealing. People should be outraged over this kind of public humiliation (like the kid who had a similar punishment over bad grades). He should definately been punished, but not to this extreme.

[Eisa]

WTF, that is ridiculous. Way too humiliating and over-the-top, and all it does is teach him to be sneaky and that his parents aren't to be trusted. Way to go.

[Miss_Stress]

I agree with all three of you. Sure, have him apologise to the shop owner and ground him and other things, but this goes past punishment and into humiliation.

From what I've seen, humiliation doesn't make a person want to toe the line. If people are embarrassed, they want to have revenge on the person who made them look stupid - eye for an eye and all that. It's human nature - you feel vulnerable, you lash out. This kid will just want to either get revenge for making him look silly, and on top of that all he's learnt is "don't get caught next time." Not "I won't do it again because I made somebody suffer." In his head, the only person who suffered was him, so his priority will just be not to get caught.

[Rageaholic]

Once again, I am appauled by the comments, especially the top rated ones. Same old "Back in my day, we didn't have psychologists". Yes, let's just ignore any new knowledge that contradicts with our barbaric and outdated views. Hell, one person even suggested bringing back the public stockade! And while we're at it, why don't we bring back biblical discipline and stone disobidient children to death. That will teach them because they'll be dead!

[DrFaroohk]

lol I have to laugh at those "back in my day" folks. "Back in my day we didn't take no prozac!" Yeah, back in your day you just beat your wife and molested your kids and made sure to lynch as many brown people as you could. Way to go! Guess you guys had it made!

[Sleepwalker]

Whatever happened to being frogmarched to the victim and made to apologize? At some point, the punishment so far outweighs the crime that guilt turns into thoughts of revenge.

[Jester]

That's not just harsh, that's abusive. Especially if this was his first time stealing.

And if it wasn't his first time stealing? If this was a habitual thing with him, and his parents had, as one poster said, "frogmarched" him to his victims in the past with no discernible result or change?

Look, none of us know the situation, but I get the sneaking suspicion that this was not the kid's first time caught with sticky fingers. Perhaps his parents thought it was time for something more extreme than previous, ineffectual punishments.

Now, if we assume for the moment that the boy was habitually light-fingered, does that make the punishment more appropriate, more palatable to our sensitivities?

Honestly...I don't know. But it is something to consider.

Myself, I am on the fence on this one. But without more details of the situation, I can't say either way what my opinion is. As an uncle who has at least one completely out of control niece, I understand the whole wit's end thing. So I can say that, in some circumstances, I could totally see it.

[fireheart17]

Once again, I am appauled by the comments, especially the top rated ones. Same old "Back in my day, we didn't have psychologists". Yes, let's just ignore any new knowledge that contradicts with our barbaric and outdated views. Hell, one person even suggested bringing back the public stockade! And while we're at it, why don't we bring back biblical discipline and stone disobidient children to death. That will teach them because they'll be dead!

Those views tend to be based upon the assumption that they were effective and that the rise in crime and such is attributed to the supposed "light" justice handed down these days.

lol I have to laugh at those "back in my day" folks. "Back in my day we didn't take no prozac!" Yeah, back in your day you just beat your wife and molested your kids and made sure to lynch as many brown people as you could. Way to go! Guess you guys had it made!

I laugh at them too. Unfortunately the articles in my local rag-mag don't like me publishing comments too much because I end up attacking people.

[Rageaholic]

Jester: That's why I said "especially". I still think it's a harsh and probably abusive punishment, but had this been after multiple times stealing than maybe I could understand the parents desperation. (though I think they still went a little too far). With that said, if he made a habit of stealing, wouldn't the cops have a word with him by now?

Those views tend to be based upon the assumption that they were effective and that the rise in crime and such is attributed to the supposed "light" justice handed down these days.

Yeah. They just assume that any evidence contrary to their sadistic views are put of some liberal agenda to make pussies out of us all.

[Jester]

With that said, if he made a habit of stealing, wouldn't the cops have a word with him by now?

Not if they didn't catch him. Or if they didn't know. Or if he was stealing from members of his family or friends. Or perhaps they had caught him, and had several words with the parents, and that is when the parents decided to make him sport that sign.

Again, without more information about how this all came about, it's pretty damn hard to pronounce judgment on the parents.

[Eisa]

If he'd done it multiple times and the family was at the end of their rope, it makes it more understandable...but I can't see in any world how that would be an appropriate punishment. Humiliating your child isn't going to make them see the error of their ways.

[Jester]

Sometimes, it might. Especially if everything else the parents have tried have failed to change the problem behavior.

And humiliating children to get them to change their behavior, or as punishment for bad behavior, is nothing new. It's been done by parents and schools for generations. Writing something on the blackboard a hundred times isn't humiliating? Being sent to detention or the principal's office? Being made to sit in a corner? Being put in a time out? Being forced to apologize for some slight against another child or adult? Being scolded in public for being a shrieking banshee (or whatever)? Receiving a swift smack to the ass for a public transgression? Which of these is not humiliating to the child?

Perhaps the above examples are not as extreme as the one in the OP, but let's not kid ourselves: parents and schools use humiliation as one of many ways to reprimand, punish, scold, and yes, TEACH children every day. They've done it for years, and they'll do it again for years to come.

And frankly, this is not a bad thing. Because more often than not, such punishments DO reverbate with the child, and they will often change their ways. Initially they'll do it not to be embarrassed again, but eventually they'll do it because they'll realize it's the right thing.

[Hyena Dandy]

There's a difference, though, between embarrassing and humiliating, and that's something a lot of people forget. Its embarrassing to be put in the corner, or forced to apologize for someone. Its humiliating to be forced to wear a sign announcing you're a thief.

Humiliation isn't just embarrassment, its embarrassment plus degradation. Its not just being made to say "I'm sorry" or even "I'm sorry, you were right." Its being made to say "I'm sorry, you were right and you're a better person than me."