That's not feminism, honey, it's laziness.

[Akasa]

this is what drove me INSANE with my EX. she was disabled BUT still able to do some things around the house BUT choose not to and used her condition to just do nothing and dump everything on me (with a full time IT job). the only difference was she did not bring any $$s to the table at the time. all of her Gfs "encouraged her to "just go into my wallet and/or OUR joint checking account" and spend money IT'S YOUR MONEY TOO. so yo have the "right"". we got into financial trouble several times because of her spending habits. when this was discussed (sometimes heated arguements) I was told "to not treat her like a child about money. she would spend if SHE wanted to." even though it put us into financial trouble. I thank whatever diety that we NEVER really had any credit cards at the time or things would have been much worse.


even after I caught her red-handed lying (more than several times) about what she spent (differing check amounts and ATM withdrawl amounts from what she said when I did the automated over-the-phone check register reconcilliation) she refused to stop which led to further arguements.

my nickname was SCROOGE. YEA ME!!! and there was a reason behind this. I did not make big bucks in my corp type jobs and money was tight.

then to top it off I WAS expected to do ALL of the housework like dishes, laundry, vacumning, etc. after a while it just got to be too much for me with NO hlep from her or our daughter. if was only after CPS got involved (long story) that she decided to get into the "Holly Homemaker" mode and actually DO some things around the house.

now that she is "on her own" she finally gets why I was (and still am) the way I was. she has to deal with limited money coming in from her disability and has to budget like hell to make it through a month.

I'm very frugal with money, I just don't like to do all the house work alone. I grew up with it being EVERYONE pitches in on the weekends and cleans house, I've had exes try and treat me as maids, and frankly after being treated as a maid when ex was too good to help clean I said I'm not going to do it again. I'll straighten up, but I resent putting in the same amount of money and being expected to clean too. I do the shopping, I do the laundry, I straighten up, I'll clean the bathroom, if we had a vacuum more often I might run it, but I won't do ALL the cleaning.

[HYHYBT]

What the hell DOES she do all day?

Cityville?

[fireheart17]

Cityville?

No Farmville

[telecom_goddess]

I agree with the sentiment that stay at home wives/moms who don't have disabilities and don't have tiny kids running around have no reason to not do the housework themselves and have a spotless house.

Those that do have other issues in the way of that like kids or whatever ...what others fail to realize is that if they pick up after themselves and clean up what they dirty that cuts down on the overall housework but a lot. Then the major cleaning doesn't take that long.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I frankly find the idea that "housework" is "women's work" and therefore somehow deserving of less respect highly offensive and anti woman.

The idea that Tradtional Female gender roles are less worthy than traditional male gender roles is at its core a chauvinistic attitude.

I feel like if a woman is allergic to housework, fine. Get a job and pull your weight. I have been a homemaker since I got laid off. I don't expect my husband to come home and do housework (although sometimes he chooses to do it anyways. That's his choice and it's appreciated). I take care of the house, the yard, the kid, any errands that need running, etc. The money is our money because I've earned it by running the house so he can go out and earn money.

As a result, our quality of life is much improved, because we now have time as a family that we don't have to spend scrambling to keep up with maintenance.

If it were me with the greater earning capacity, the roles would be reversed.

[guywithashovel]

I think a lot of problems could be avoided if we could stop looking at some things as "men's work" or "women's work" and just see it as stuff that needs to be done.

[Nyoibo]

I wasn't aware that we were looking at it in those terms, I was under the impression that we were looking at it in terms of if you're the one staying home you look after the household.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

"We" aren't

Trifling ass women who don't want to contribute to the support of their own households are, and calling it "feminism."

[mooncat]

A person with a stay-at-home spouse is getting free housekeeping, child rearing, errand-running, etc. I agree the stay-home partner should be doing some of the home-centered stuff, but all of it? I don't agree with that. Money is not the only thing a person should contribute to a household. When the worker-partner leaves work, their shift is over for the day. The stay-home partner often finds their "shift" basically never ends, especially if there are kids involved.

I do agree, though, that the woman in the OP sounds like she's got it made: kids gone, money coming in, and she's free to shop all day. Maybe she should take a job as a mystery shopper, then she can combine her favorite activity with a source of income.

[Boozy]

When the worker-partner leaves work, their shift is over for the day. The stay-home partner often finds their "shift" basically never ends, especially if there are kids involved.

If there are kids at home, then presumably the working parent helps to take care of them whenever they can. Most working parents I know can't wait to spend time with their kids when they get home.

But without children, housework and errands can easily get done during the week. I was a "housewife" for a six month period a few years ago while I was out of work, and I rarely had to do anything outside of 9-5 Monday through Friday. And that was if I stretched it by preparing three course meals for dinner and scrubbing all the grout in the kitchen until it gleamed.

Sometimes I wonder if the problem with these people isn't laziness but incompetence. Some people were never taught how to take care of a house or run errands efficiently, so they spend the whole day running around but getting nothing done.

[Seshat]

If they don't know how to do it efficiently, there's plenty of sites on the 'net where they can learn.


I agree, however, with the bulk of this thread. Barring disability or other responsibilities (toddlers, being carer for an infirm parent/sibling), a stay-at-home adult should be handling the bulk of the home maintenance. Done efficiently, that can be a 9-5 Mon-Fri job, even including seasonal inspections of exterior cladding and other seasonal work.

With such other responsibilities, however, trying to maintain a home can be a nightmare. It depends on the difficulty of those responsibilities.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I'm a full time stay at home mom now and have been for a couple years. I've never worked so hard in my life.

In fact, I don't know how we managed to keep the laundry done and food on the table while we were both working. I swear I look back on that time and scratch my head. I'd go to work to relax.

I will say we were both desperately overworked and things were not maintained the way we'd have liked them. We have a lot more family time now. And my husband does not think for a minute I sit around all day living a life of leisure. He fortunately considers what I do a legitimate job, which it is.

[senor boogie woogie]

If I was a vagina owner, and my husband was a good guy, I would be happy to stay at home and keep house, cook and have his kids. I'd love it.

Why? I love children. Second, I hate working for someone and don't like doing it. I would be much happier at home, doing the food shopping, cooking and all that. My job would be to make my husband the most comfortable he can be.

Honestly, if I was an attractive woman, this would be my pursuit. However, if I marry a more working class person, and myself would have to work outside the home, then the responsibilities should be more equal. Since I am a male with a wife and no children, this will never happen.

[Panacea]

It's not about money, though. I'm never going to make as much as my husband does. That's not a factor. It's about equitable division of labour.

This. So this. The inequitable division of labor in my marriage was a major factor in its end. The problem wasn't that he couldn't. It was that he wouldn't.

I frankly find the idea that "housework" is "women's work" and therefore somehow deserving of less respect highly offensive and anti woman.

"I've heard men complain about doing women's work, and women complain about doing men's work. But funny, I've never heard the work complain about who did it, as long as it got done." Polgara the Sorceress.

I use that quote a work a lot when I hear nurses complain about doing "CNA work."

Every job is a nurse's job when it comes to patient care

[insertNameHere]

My mom is of this sort, my sister is 26 and my mom has only had a job for about 4 years now after a 22 year break of staying at home spending my dads money. Oh and there has been about 10 years of one of those women centered businesses that come to you door which she always made a point to say was HER money. Now that she has an actual almost 40hr a week job she still likes to say how it is HER money. Regardless of her spending my dad's money for decades and whatever she sees fit. For instance random trips to towns only good for shopping to blow money on stupid knick knacks like longenberger baskets (probably spelled wrong). Sure I guess they high quality but really she buys them to buy them, not use them I don't care if it might be "collectable" I doubt you will make money at it. The really annoying thing is the $200 on an Antique gumball machine in the basement been there for couple years now nothing in it hasn't moved.

The funny thing my dad still has his 8-4 job that he often does other jobs on the weekends or picks up extra projects during the week. To the point you can call the random combined jobs a second job. Now that my mom works four 10hr days a week after work she bitches how tired she is and refuses to really do much on weekends since she tired. My dads response "I never told you to get a job you decided that". Of course after typing this I realize she never did much when we were growing up either.