Bullying - A Rant (long)

[Lace Neil Singer]

I genuinely did stand out at school, and did like a band that wasn't popular, tho this wasn't of my choosing. The favourite music of the girls at my school was Take That, Boyzone, Madonna, D:Ream and Kylie. My favourite bands were, in contrast, the Manic Street Preachers, Radiohead, Alice Cooper and Marilyn Manson. This was, to them, the perfect excuse to spread rumours about me worshipping the devil. -.-

I was bullied as a kid. Junior High was the worst. I no longer hate my tormentors. After all, I'm not the same person I was at twelve. Chances are, they aren't either. It took me many years to come to this point, don't get me wrong, but I finally decided it wasn't worth the energy to hold a grudge against them. Besides, I've got better things to do with my time.

Incidentally, one of my former bullies came up to me a few years back, apologised for what she'd put me thru and asked for my forgiveness. I forgave her cuz I decided to be the bigger person, and cuz I don't intend on ruining my health by constantly being full of hate. Also, it was a very brave thing for her to do; for all she knew I could have just clocked her one.

[Rageaholic]

Now that I think about it, I was picked on quite a bit in elementary school. It started in second grade because I was the shy, socially awkward kid who liked numbers. It was mostly just name calling and the typical games kids play when they want to torment you. (I think it only got physical twice and it wasn't anything serious). By fifth grade it got pretty bad. The monsters spreaded some rumor that I had a crush my neighbor's daughter across the street (who was also in the class).

For the most part, the teachers were against bullying, but I did experience some suck from teachers as well. Like the time when we had reading buddies. It so happened that my little brothers class was assigned to mine. So what did the teachers do? They assigned my brother to one of the main kids who was picking on me! He didn't pull anything with my brother, but it was a fail move on who ever assigned it. Then there was forth grade, in which my teacher opened me up to a whole different kind of bullying, thinking she and the other kids were "helping" me, but that's a long story, maybe for another time.

Let's just say I'm glad I was homeschooled throughout most of middle school and high school. If the authoritarian teachers wouldn't have destroyed me, I'm sure the monster students would have.

Kids can be so cruel.

[MrsEclipse]

I don't hate the kids who bullied me. Kids are cruel, and it's foolish to expect them to behave differently. Cramming such a large group of kids together and forcing them to stay that way for hours a day, months on end, is bound to bring out the worst in people. Expecting all kids to behave properly is kind of asking them to bring you the moon.

I blame the teachers who did things like this:

1) Said they couldn't believe me since they didn't see it, even though they knew for a fact that the kids were constantly tormenting others, because if they punished them on my word alone it would be "unfair," and how would I like it if they said I was teasing them and I got punished on their word alone?

2) Knew one kid was tormenting me to the point of actual harassment, and made a rule that he couldn't be within ten feet of me... unless, of course, he needed to go to the supplies I was sitting near, or there wasn't another available seat in art class, or they forgot that day, or figured that he decided to stop being a sociopath despite no evidence to back it up.

3) Suggested that since I cried or got upset easily, it really was my fault for giving them the reaction I wanted. After all, mentally unbalanced 13-year-olds still ought to be perfect at self-control.

4) Punished me for crying in high school, because 16 years old really is too old to be crying in public, even if you are being harassed.

5) Wouldn't let me report it to the police when I realized that their behavior went beyond bullying into territory that would be criminal outside of school. (Oh, but when Mom got involved... mua ha ha.)

6) Decided that cigarette lighters were appropriate to have in school so long as you didn't actually use them. Then, when school things of mine turned up burnt, they said that no action would be taken since they couldn't determine who burned it, as everyone had a lighter and an opportunity (and, quite frankly, motive) When it was a stuffed Neopets keychain on my backpack that was sliced in half and torched, they said it wasn't even breaking the rules because a keychain counted as a personal item from home and the school wasn't responsible for that.

7) Punished me for pushing a kid away from me, when he was hounding me into a corner. I was told that I should have gone for an adult instead of laid hands on him. A, I was in the freaking corner, and B, there was an adult in the doorway who I saw looking at us. Still, it was my own fault for not assuming the teacher in question was an idiot.

8) Essentially admitted that bullying was so out-of-control that they couldn't do anything about it, and if they did then all they would be doing was dealing with bullies instead of teaching.

9) And that's not even getting into all the shit they pulled when bullying wasn't even directly involved. Like telling me all the reasons I would benefit from their short-bus school and then most of the reasons turned out to be, not direct lies, but wrong. They promised things that they intended to deliver, but just never did.

Because of bullying, and idiot teachers, I was so behind academically that I started college knowing less than a high school grad. Fortunately, by now I'm on my way to get my MBA in business, so fuck everyone who decided that being a teacher was too hard if they actually had to deal with kids. Fuck them with a rusty rail spike right in the ass. For three straight years.

I just need to get rid of all this anger that still wells up sometimes, like now. I know that if I forgive them then I'll be a lot happier, but I'm clearly not there yet, as I just said I wanted to fuck them with a rusty rail spike right in the ass for three straight years. That's not generally the kind of thing you wish on someone you've forgiven.

It's like I tell people: "I went to school on the short bus. Apparently, the teachers did too, if you know what I mean."

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Beautiful...

So, since we're on the subject of religion already... can I ask your position on divorce?



.

I just saw this. Not likely to happen anytime soon, I'm afraid.

[HYHYBT]

I just saw this. Not likely to happen anytime soon, I'm afraid.

You're not likely to have a position on divorce any time soon?

When I was diagnosed with a terminal illness (that has yet to take me down 13+ years later) and I was trying to find a way to tell my mother..the first question she asked was. "Are you gay?" thinking that was the secret I was keeping..so even my parents were convinced I was secretly gay.

I can see how that would happen, even if they weren't otherwise suspicious. After all, (I assume and hope) being gay is a lot more common than terminal illness at that age, and you *were* trying to come up with a way of saying something they wouldn't like to hear. And if they'd thought of both, I'd at least hope they'd rather have a gay daughter than a dying one.

Some people call others sheep because they follow a certain belief or thought pattern, not realizing that they also are 'sheep' also. Trying to 'stand out in a crowd' is not new. Not liking any band that is popular is not new. Rebelling is not new.

What is someone who likes what they like regardless, who will continue in their unpopular likes even after they become popular and in their popular ones even when they go out of style?

1) Said they couldn't believe me since they didn't see it, even though they knew for a fact that the kids were constantly tormenting others, because if they punished them on my word alone it would be "unfair," and how would I like it if they said I was teasing them and I got punished on their word alone?

Did they actually say they didn't *believe* you, or only that they couldn't do anything based on your word alone? What, other than paying better attention, *can* teachers do in that situation? Because you really shouldn't punish based on accusation alone; that would essentially allow bullies (and those with a more temporary grudge) to get at you through the teacher. (Yes, I *can* see from the rest of the post that your particular teachers were essentially accomplices anyway. But that part, at least, is essentially the truth in general.)

[Canarr]

I just saw this. Not likely to happen anytime soon, I'm afraid.

Ah, well. Probably wouldn't have gotten my girlfriend to agree, anyway...

Some people call others sheep because they follow a certain belief or thought pattern, not realizing that they also are 'sheep' also. Trying to 'stand out in a crowd' is not new. Not liking any band that is popular is not new. Rebelling is not new.

Good point.

There's a t-shirt design that's kinda popular among the younger Metal/Goth crowd in Germany. Translated, it says

You laugh at me because I'm different.
I laugh at you because you're all the same.

Not a bad slogan, in itself. Just gets funny after a while when, at a convention, you see the sixth guy wearing it within an hour or so...

[Mytical]

What is someone who likes what they like regardless, who will continue in their unpopular likes even after they become popular and in their popular ones even when they go out of style?

Still not female btw (don't worry, I actually take it as a compliment that people think I am female after reading my posts). Anyhow, about the quote above..

This is how I am. If I like something, I don't care if others like or dislike it. I don't care what others like either. If you like it, cool, I am not going to tell you it stinks or anything. Regardless if it is Twilight or Peewee Herman if you enjoy it, cool. You enjoy it, but just don't expect me to like it. Live and let live.

[Blue Ginger]

7) Punished me for pushing a kid away from me, when he was hounding me into a corner. /snip/ Still, it was my own fault for not assuming the teacher in question was an idiot.

8) Essentially admitted that bullying was so out-of-control that they couldn't do anything about it, and if they did then all they would be doing was dealing with bullies instead of teaching.

(fixed that for you)

Had to join from CS just to post on this topic.

The above was pretty much what happened to me. As my name suggests I am a ginger. I was the only ginger in my primary school, until my brother started 3 years later, that was full of kids with black or brown hair and with about 10% blondes. To say i stood out would be the understatement of the century.

The bullying had started in kinder with mums not wanting their kids near me. (3-4 year olds)

The same kids were in my primary school. I remember overhearing a parent telling her kid 'don't play with her, she is touched by the devil'. I was 4.

In grade 1, I was being choked against a wall by the biggest girl in class while a teacher stood and watched. It took my sister ages to try to drag this girl off me. She was bigger than my sister who was 2 years older. When my parents confronted the school with the bruises, the school claimed I did it to myself.

By grade 2, the bullying by the first teacher had started. I was banned from going anywhere near the class computer for reading inapropriate material. I was reading a newspaper. I was then banned from wearing fancy dress on the last day of term because I never played that computer game. I never went to school that day as when school was starting, I was waiting for an ambulance to arrive for my grandfather. After the holidays, my teacher didn't believe me, even though my aunty had called the school to let them know that my sister, my cousin and I wouldn't be in and why. It took my dad bringing in the fucking death certificate for this bitch to believe us.

The bullying continued right through school. It only stopped when I graduated.

The lowlights include:
- being yelled at for refusing to run laps around the school. I have messed up hips and was under orders by my Chiro not to do ANYTHING above a brisk walk, which the school and all my teachers knew about. I still have a copy of that letter from him somewhere.
- being yelled at for not knowing where we were up to in the class book. I had read it twice and had started reading something a little more challenging.
- making the above teacher cry and threaten to expel me for not admitting to something I didn't do.
- being told by the school priest that I was 'evil and going to hell' because I told him I hadn't done anything I needed to confess to for reconciliation. I was 8.
- having balls constantly thrown at me in sport to make me learn how to catch. Because you really learn when they are aiming at the back of your bloody head. It did however teach me if you dodge the ball, the thrower has to chase it across the school yard.

Because my primary school was a major feeder school for the secondary one, most of the same bullies went there. And the teachers talked. So the cycle continued.

In high school, I discovered:
- nothing said to a teacher is in confidence. Your parents telling them that you will be seeing a counsellor will guarantee it will be general knowledge in 2 days.
- 'Anti-bullying' policies aren't worth the paper they are written on.
- 2 days after you have a massive screaming match in front of a teacher, the same teacher will partner you with that person for a project.
- claiming you are feeling sick from new paint fumes will not allow you to go to sick bay. Puking on the teacher and her desk will get you sent to the principle.
- 1 big, huge, yelling, screaming, violent explosion a year will make some people think twice.

I just wish I could thank one of my teachers from high school. If it wasn't for him, I would not have written this. My story would have ended a long time ago.

[SkullKing]

Reading this thread make my fists ache.

I was nerdy, liked to read books, talked diferently, was lanky, shy and somewhat discordenated.

Since I aways hated running, I was also very bad in sports(at least team sports we played in Phys. Ed. Class)

I also had more female friends, than male(sometimes no males).

I was bullied for a long time.

Untill one day I was talking with my grandpa about a specific bully, and he asked:

"is he bigger than you?"

"no"

"Is he stronger than you?"

"No"

Than beat him up"

My life changed that day, I discovered I was a very good brawler. I was stronger, could take more hits, was more violent,, and could be much more cruel than anyone else.

It actually got to a stage where I was feared. It was glorious.

Also, I was actually able to protect my friends.

[Lace Neil Singer]

If you can't be liked, then be feared. By the time I left my first school, I had gotten a reputation as a psychotic bitch and my former bullies were afraid of me. That was preferable cuz they left me alone.

[SkullKing]

By the time I left my first school, I had gotten a reputation as a psychotic bitch and my former bullies were afraid of me.

this sound like it has an story behind it, care to share?

(if it is not too personal)

[Lace Neil Singer]

Basically, up to third year I followed teacher advice to ignore and walk away from bullies and it didn't work. This girl came up to me and scratched me accross the face for no reason; I snapped and started punching her in the face til she fell down, then I kicked her a couple of times for good measure til a teacher came and pulled me off her. I ended up being suspended for a week; my parents backed me cuz I'd been bullied constantly and that was the first time I'd ever hit back. The other girl wasn't punished in the slightest despite the fact that she'd started the fight.

When I returned, the girl I'd beaten up avoided me like the plague, as did some of her friends. Others who were a little slow on the uptake had ideas about getting me back for beating up their friend and I had to deliver a few more smackdowns. Eventually, I ended up being labeled a psycho and was avoided by all the girls who'd bullied me before. The headmaster didn't know what to do with me; I ended up taking all my lessons in the deputy head's office, which I actually prefered to being in class.

My parents eventually took me out of school when the headmaster refused to consider my side; he said that I was antisocial and that I'd brought the bullying on myself due to my refusal to socialise with the other girls. He also said I was a troublemaker who started fights for no reason, which was complete bullshit as I only ever hit girls who started on me. It was hardly my fault they started fights they couldn't finish. In any case, I went to a mixed school this time and got on a lot better.

While I wouldn't advocate delivering smackdowns as working in every situation, it worked for me. Sometimes, the only thing that a bully understands is getting the crap beaten out of them; ignoring them just empowers them cuz they believe that you're scared of them and what's the point of walking away when they can just as easily walk after you? Had the school bothered to do something about the bullies, well, I wouldn't have had to resort to violence.

[Andara Bledin]

I have a lot of friends with a lot of stories like that.

They didn't "fit in" so they'd get pushed around with the school pretty much ignoring it until they snapped and sent someone to the hospital. In most of my friends' cases, however, the schools didn't usually end up punishing them, though I know of one where the parents had to intervene.

one of my former co-workers son is autistic (moderate to high functioning), and he used to get bullied constantly. The school refused to even admit it was going on, so she sued everybody from the bus driver up through the county. The school was found liable and was required to provide door to door service for him and ensure that he wasn't attacked while on school grounds.

^-.-^

[Blue Ginger]

one of my former co-workers son is autistic (moderate to high functioning), and he used to get bullied constantly. The school refused to even admit it was going on, so she sued everybody from the bus driver up through the county. The school was found liable and was required to provide door to door service for him and ensure that he wasn't attacked while on school grounds.

The poor kid. That would suck big time.

There is a guy who lives in my street that is 'not all there'. Not sure what the official diagnoses is, possible autism. He is super smart about some things, has absolutely no clue with others.

He went to primary school in the year below my brother. The bullies started on day one. All kids that were older than him. He didn't tell anyone for the first few weeks. We only found out because his mum organised for him to walk home with us. The fucking turds would wait at the gate and throw rocks at him and call him names. We got it out of him that they were doing that and worse at lunch as well.

We told his mum and our parents. They went down to the school the next day to report it. Teachers said it was outside school property and they couldn't do anything.

During that first term, his lunch was constantly stolen or destroyed, his bag was ripped, he was kicked, punched and pushed over. The school claimed that it wasn't happening.

My brother and I decided that we were going to be his protectors. He would not leave his class until one of us came to get him. He would sit with us at recess and lunch. Anyone who picked on him then had to face me. By that point I was 9 and had a reputation. I knew how to claw and kick and scream the roof down. I was a very dirty fighter and could kick like a mule.

He went to the same high school as my brother and cousins. They continued to protect him there too. And all their friends kept an eye out for him. He would tell anyone who picked on him 'just wait until I tell (my brother) what you did to me. You'll be sorry then.' By the time he was in year 8, the bullies had decided getting beaten up constantly was not worth it.

[Mytical]

Sort of along the same line, even though when I was younger I developed a sort of reputation..and the fact I am rather..large..and normally nobody would try anything physical with me.

At least until 'Adam'. Adam was probably the biggest bully (both literally and figuratively) in the whole school. Captain of the football team, 6'3" etc, etc. He was a big guy. Top of the food chain. One day he got tired of me not responding to his attempt at mental abuse, and since he was actually larger then me decided to make it physical.

Now, I had become a pacifist, and had no desire to fight..but with his friends he backed me into a corner. He hit me with all his strength, and I just looked at him..and started laughing. I couldn't help it. It felt like an eight year old girl had just slapped me. Of course .. he got angrier..and hit me again..and I laughed even harder. I was barely able to breathe I was laughing so hard. Which confused the heck out of him and his group. A teacher walked by, so they split, convinced I was crazy (and they were probably right).

I actually think I was hysterical, with fear and anger. When I reach a certain point of anger..I go numb and barely feel anything. At least till it wears off. I was very sore after, but of course nobody had to know that . That pretty much cemented the 'do not physically touch Mytical' thing..but there are other ways of being bullied. Some of them are worse then being hit.