how would you handle this?

[KellyHabersham]

*will try to keep this short and simple....and just for the record, this isn't about religion, the church just happened to be where this took place*

For some time, we had a family attending church who had a son with special needs.....I'll call him "Jerry". He had some physical disabilities, and wasn't quite "with it" mentally, but could function independently for the most part. (although he was NOT at a point where he could live on his own) I don't know how things were before my family had started attending the church, but to give two examples of major problems which had started coming up:

- Anytime a bible study group or a committee meeting would come up, "Jerry's" mom would sign him up, drop him off, and pick him up when things where over. "Jerry" did NOT have the complete attention span for these sort of events, he would get bored/wander around, and someone always had to kind of babysit him.

- "Jerry" was a very touchy-feely sort of person, and he would make a beeline for younger woman during the "meet and greet" parts of the service. I always felt VERY uncomfortable around him.....as if he was looking at/would try to grab my boobs, and my sister felt the same way.

Apparently our then-pastor got enough complaints that she had ask to meet with Jerry's mom/family members, and while my understanding is that she just asked that they have better supervision of him, they were so offended that they stopped attending the church.

This isn't giving every detail on the situation, but what I'm wanting feedback on is how others might feel this should have been handled.

[KitterCat]

I’ve got a family member with the same problems as Jerry, so this hits home for me. Let me put it bluntly. Jerrys family is looking for a free babysitter service. Your churches functions were a perfect solution to them for this need. Its proven that from your description his Mom would sign him up for any event and just drop him off. If they had actually cared about Jerrys behavior or even better yet, his understanding of the studies they wouldn’t have had a problem with having a family member around with him during the events. They could have even come to the conclusion that he wasn’t comprehending them and chosen to have him stay home.

Your pastor actually handled it very well from your description. She just asked for some better supervision. Not for him to not come, not for him to be excluded from the group but for further supervision. That would have meant his family would have had to sacrifice free time away from Jerry, so instead they played the “offended” card and left.

Your church is probably better off not having that sort of people there. Unfortunately Jerry is the one innocent in this whole debacle and with out some sort of humility on the part of his family there really isn’t anything one could do, unless you want to hold your church meetings at his house.

[bara]

I have an aunt who is mentally handicapped. Simply put she is an eternal 6 year old but with 60 years of life.

She can do simple things and tasks like any six year old, and even has some advanced degree of understanding. She cannot read nor write.. she can recognize names if she sees them enough. But pattern recognition is all this is.

We will allow her stay alone at the house but not for longer than maybe 15-20 minutes. Generally if a trip to the corner market takes longer than suspected.

This family was using your church services as a type of babysitting. This is unfair to the people who attend the church and Jerry himself. Your pastor handled things as well as any in this situation.

[Android Kaeli]

Were I the pastor of this church, I would also do the same exact thing because it was making a lot of other people uncomfortable. If the other members of the family are offended that they were told that Jerry was making other people uncomfortable and there were complaints about him, then that's their problem. No one outside the family, save for those hired by the family, should watch Jerry just because it's more convientent for them.

This also goes for any other person as well regardless of age, disablity, or mental status.

[KellyHabersham]

From what I recall, the major reason the family got offended was regarding complaints about Jerry getting too "touchy-feely" with people........I think that people were starting to bring complaints to the pastor, thus the need to meet with Jerry's family.