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A coworker and mangaer incourage me to deceive my boyfriend.

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  • A coworker and mangaer incourage me to deceive my boyfriend.

    Some background will be necessary for this post. I'm in a long distance relationship with an awesome guy in NYC (I live in Baltimore). We've been together since February and we've only seen each other in person once, in March. As part of the long distance thing we talk. A lot. About everything. And when we first were getting serious he brought up kids, as in do I want them. He didn't say whether or not he wanted them until I said I don't want kids. Breathing a sigh or relief he said he didn't either. I am birth control to help prevent that (though there are added benefits of bc). /end background

    So today I was at my register and my manager and one of my coworkers were hanging out (manager getting a pickup, coworker buying food) when one (and I don't remember who) told me that the next time I see my boyfriend I should just allow myself to get pregnant so my bf would have to move here ...

    These two women told me to willfully deceive my boyfriend to force him to move from his hometown to a town I've only live in for under two years and am not fond of. Just because I haven't seen him since March. Yeah I miss him but not that much.

    Then when I told them I would never want him to move here and I in fact mean to move there they asked why I haven't moved yet. And I received scoffs and dismissive comments when I told them I'd like to get to know him a bit more before I move to NYC for him. Cause quite frankly I moved here for a relationship that didn't last 4 months and I'm currently stuck here. So I don't wish to do that again. And he doesn't either.

    And the first thing I did after they told me this was text my bf to let him know.

    I'm still pissed about this and tomorrow I am going to tell the Store Manager (I've had issues with the coworker in question talking shit about my boyfriend before), I was too much in shock today to think to tell her.

  • #2
    Oh, yeah, what a great reason to have a kid.

    I have yet to encounter a couple where the woman got pregnant against his wishes that didn't end up with a divorced couple and a kid growing up in a broken home.

    ^-.-^
    Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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    • #3
      Either that or a situation like one of my former coworkers. He was living with his babies mama and he worked two jobs to pay bills and she worked her one job and then spent that money on clothes and stuff instead of you know helping to pay bills. He was miserable but he wanted to stay with her cause of the kids (they were both young when they had the kids. He was 20 when he was fired and both kids were under 3 or 4).

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      • #4
        Yeah...I got that a lot before Kabe and I married. I was living with my folks in SC, he was up here in WV. And everyone at Wal-Mart would ask when he was moving down here, when I was moving up there, were we sleeping together, why not, we were crazy, etc. Even happened to a certain extent with the ladies I worked with while I was teaching.

        There seems to be this idea that you can't know if you want to be with someone if you haven't slept with them yet. Which seems to be correlated to, "Love doesn't matter if the sex is good". Or something like it. Or maybe it's "If the sex is good, it's love." Dunno.

        Either way, if you've made a decision for yourself, then there should be nothing anybody can do to change your mind. And ignore your coworkers.
        I has a blog!

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        • #5
          I really think your Coworkers need a serious wake up call. Getting pregnant to keeps someone will only blow up in the end.

          I had a friend that did this when his girlfriend at the time got pregnant. The marriage didn't last longer then a year and now he never wants to get married again. I don't even know what happened to her or the kid.

          It doesn't work out and it isn't a good relationship to raise a kid in.
          "Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe" -H. G. Wells

          "Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed" -Sir Francis Bacon

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          • #6
            Kheldarson: my bf and I have slept together (this came out shortly after my visit to see him and long before I realized I needed to keep my personal life to myself if I didn't want the whole store to know). That's part of the reasoning behind my coworker and manager's argument. That if I've slept with him what else do I need to know about him.
            Tabbyblack: thankfully neither my bf or I want to have kids or get married. We'd be the type to pretty much live in common law marriage (I believe that's the phrase). Why do I need a piece of paper to tell me I love my bf? /rhetorical question
            Though we have talked about getting married for financial/tax purposes.

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            • #7
              Oh and the manager? She has a kid with an ex and is pregnant with her second (with a different guy). She's barely on speaking terms with her daughter's father.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Kheldarson View Post
                There seems to be this idea that you can't know if you want to be with someone if you haven't slept with them yet. Which seems to be correlated to, "Love doesn't matter if the sex is good". Or something like it. Or maybe it's "If the sex is good, it's love." Dunno.

                Either way, if you've made a decision for yourself, then there should be nothing anybody can do to change your mind. And ignore your coworkers.
                Originally posted by dragon_wings View Post
                Oh and the manager? She has a kid with an ex and is pregnant with her second (with a different guy). She's barely on speaking terms with her daughter's father.
                yeah that apparently is working out REAAAL well for both of them huh? NOT

                isn't sex supposed to be not just physical but an emotional connection too? and that its usually done in love? usually mind you
                yeah i'mma catch me a man by getting preggers. no thanks. i am happy with the family i have thank you
                Repeat after me, "I'm over it"
                Yeah we're so over, over
                Things I hate, that even after all this time...I still came back to the scene of the crime

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by tabbyblack13 View Post
                  I really think your Coworkers need a serious wake up call. Getting pregnant to keeps someone will only blow up in the end.
                  It doesn't work out and it isn't a good relationship to raise a kid in.
                  That's right! This is why I'm all for taking things slow before marriage and kids. Marriage and children are big steps and if an unwanted/unplanned kid comes in the mix of the relationship....boom goes the dynamite. It's just one big unhappy, messy disaster. The OP's co-workers are idiots to be honest. Trapping a guy by getting pregnant and carrying his child is just plain despicable.
                  There are no stupid questions, just stupid people...

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                  • #10
                    Oh bloody hell I'm glad I wasnt there....Id have gone off on this woman. I HATE this kinda reasoning. Oh yes, a woman should get knocked up to trick whatever poor,honest bastard she has in her clutches into marriage. Nothign else matter but getting that big ole shiny. And what about the kid, whole grow up in a loveless, bitter home? WHo cares!

                    Bloody idiots. -_- Woman like that always make me think of Chris Rock....

                    "Men Tell the most lies....but women tell the biggest.

                    A mans lie is, "I was at work late" when he was at the bar with his friends.

                    A womans lie is "Its your baby!" "



                    Also, Dragon, good on you! I wish you great luck with your bf. ^_^

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                    • #11
                      I'm pretty sure if a woman ever did that to me, I'd not only break up with her and have nothing to do with her, but I'd also sue for custody and make sure she was the one paying child support.
                      I am a sexy shoeless god of war!
                      Minus the sexy and I'm wearing shoes.

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                      • #12
                        It's weird, but for some reason I'm less bothered by the deceitful bit and more bothered by their implication that of course you want to have kids, and on a whim is perfectly fine. I don't mind people asking if I have kids, but I hate it when coworkers/strangers/family suggest my life is somehow lacking without children. The added cherry on top is when they ask how old I am and tell me I better get going 'cause my biological clock is ticking. I have a cat. I'm content.

                        Regardless, manipulating someone in such a shameful way is disgusting. Shame on them.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Duelist925 View Post
                          Oh bloody hell I'm glad I wasnt there....Id have gone off on this woman. I HATE this kinda reasoning. Oh yes, a woman should get knocked up to trick whatever poor,honest bastard she has in her clutches into marriage. Nothign else matter but getting that big ole shiny. And what about the kid, whole grow up in a loveless, bitter home? WHo cares!

                          Bloody idiots. -_- Woman like that always make me think of Chris Rock....

                          "Men Tell the most lies....but women tell the biggest.

                          A mans lie is, "I was at work late" when he was at the bar with his friends.

                          A womans lie is "Its your baby!" "



                          Also, Dragon, good on you! I wish you great luck with your bf. ^_^
                          Men say, "you are the only one"," I won´t trick you and leave you"," I will take care of you", "I will take responsibillity."

                          They say "I love you"

                          both lie. small and big lies

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by SkullKing View Post
                            Men say, "you are the only one"," I won´t trick you and leave you"," I will take care of you", "I will take responsibillity."

                            They say "I love you"

                            both lie. small and big lies
                            i've known women that say the same stuff to their men.
                            All uses of You, You're, and etc are generic unless specified otherwise.

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                            • #15
                              Rejects from the Jerry Springer show much?

                              And what business is it of theirs how you conduct your relationships anyway?
                              Customer: I need an Apache.
                              Gravekeeper: The Tribe or the Gunship?

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