precious snowflake syndrome

[Boozy]

Do you guys differentiate between "praise" and "rewards"? I'm hesitant of being stingy with affectionate words. Children respond better to positive reinforcement than negative.

I praise my 2 year-old nephew all the time for good behaviour. I don't buy him anything, give him treats, or present him with certificates. But I certainly thank him for doing things like bringing me his shoes to put on, or sitting quietly and patiently while I feed his baby brother.

It's not meant to inflate his self-esteem, necessarily. I'm just being polite. You thank people for helping you, especially if they are doing something difficult for them. I'm not going to make a big deal out of him bringing me his shoes, because that's a basic task even for a toddler. But it still helps me out, so I think it's at least deserving of a quick "Thanks, honey. You're being very helpful today."

I agree with Norton. Setting reasonable expectations is a good start. And any time a child goes above and beyond, perhaps they do deserve a little something.

[DesignFox]

Do you guys differentiate between "praise" and "rewards"?

Yes. I think thanking a toddler for being helpful is very important. Children respond very well to positive words and actions. KNOWING that their actions were positive is very strong and reassuring.

I just don't think a kid should get candy and a celebration for doing what they should be doing in the first place- i.e. sitting quietly.

It's all about balance. Not too much punishment, not over-the-top gushiness.

Using myself as an example- I respond very well to being acknowledged. I like to know that what I'm doing is "right" or "good." If it's over the top, though, it doesn't mean anything...and I start to wonder if what I'm doing is really good at all..or if someone doesn't say anything that means I did something wrong. I actually need the occasional kick in the ass if I'm getting lazy, too. It all has to be in balance, for me.

I imagine a lot of what needs to be done is different for each kid...but going overboard with the rewards is just setting the kid up for failure later in life. Your boss sure as hell ain't gonna give you a certificate for "coming to work on time."

[Slytovhand]

Your boss sure as hell ain't gonna give you a certificate for "coming to work on time."

Ummm - they do where I work...

But then, it's a KPI, and anything that's a KPI will get some sort of acknowledgement (well - unless it's me ). Agent of the Month, Lowest AHT, Lowest Wrap, Highest Adherence etc etc. (I suspect it's a way to make us not think as much about a pay-rise....)

[CancelMyService]

This thread reminds me of that bit Chris Rock did about people wanting credit for stuff they're supposed to do.

"I take care of my kids" "Well you're SUPPOSED to, you dumb motherfucker! What do you want, a cookie?"

[Cutenoob]

Do you guys differentiate between "praise" and "rewards"? I'm hesitant of being stingy with affectionate words. Children respond better to positive reinforcement than negative.

Hi yalls, this is Cutenoob.

To me, praise and rewards are positive reinforcements for good behavior or choices. It's a semantic difference between praise and reward.

Praise = good job, thank you, high five, all right. Verbal positive interaction.
Reward = substantial, tangible item given for positive reinforcement. Hey, good job on the lawn. Here's an extra $5 for doing it so quickly.


To me, kids need structure, guidance, reassurance and love. I see people who don't say Good Job to the kid that did something DIFFERENT and BETTER than he'd been doing - so the child figures, heh. No attention? Fine, back to Old Behavior.

Then I also see people giving praise for, well, sitting on the carpet. Kid then thinks, heh. I get MASS attention for breathing! Wow! I can just sit here and not do anything!!

I was a kid who got told " Meh. You got a B. Get an A." "Go do something" and no "thanks" or "good job".

I crave reassurance and praise. It's biting me in the ass...as an adult.

Cutenoob

[BlaqueKatt]

I crave reassurance and praise. It's biting me in the ass...as an adult.

heh you should work for my old boss-his daily greeting was

"Hey Katt-thanks for coming in today-we appreciate it"

It got to the point of annoyance-he would find 3-4 reasons to thank you in the first hour of your shift-and it continued all day long. I don't deal well with praise-just tell me once a week or so that I'm on track, and I'm good.

[Boozy]

BK needs to find the "inspirational" management book her old boss has been reading and beat him about the head and neck with it.

[BlaqueKatt]

well actually it was kinda nice to have a boss that kinda cowered when I took my glasses off(I wear sunglasses all the time-helps with the fluorescent lighting headaches), or turned away from my computer(always facing computer unless I get annoyed*)-he was one of the managers that elected me to go deal with the customer that showed up in our lobby-apparently a 5'5" goth chick with teal bangs wearing dark glasses was more intimidating than a 6'3" former linebacker with two-foot dreadlocks. It's all about the attitude.......


*-the agents knew that if you made me turn from my work to answer a question I was annoyed, and you had better not annoy me (I answered questions while doing other work, and it was never anything that required me to stop what I was doing-unless you specifically wanted to annoy me) I like being left to do my work

[iradney]

It's hard to find a happy medium sometimes. Bossman thanks me for the arbest things, and while it's nice, it does tend to minimize the impact when he thanks me for something big.
My parents were quite big on the encouragement thing.

If they could see I was trying, then encouragement was the order of the day. If they could see I was being lazy and coasting, then they would dust off The Lecture (How do you expect to get anywhere if you don't develop a good work ethic? Your boss will not accept low standards and low quality etc). The Lecture was about how my attitude would define my adulthood - not so much about how it defines their feelings for me. They love me and I know it.

But honestly, this whole thing, where "no-body loses". How long until a company HAS to hire ALL people that applied for the job, as turning them down "would negatively affect their self esteem"?? Bosses would have to accept crap work as telling that person to do it again and do it properly would be bad for them. ARG!