Father Teaches Daughter Lesson About Facebook

[jackfaire]

If she was an adult who had complained about her husband, friend, or anyone else in her personal life we would be calling this guy a psycho for his reaction.

However somehow being her dad magically grants him the powers of being a hero.

Why? I am sorry by saying that she isn't allowed to have a different perspective on his parenting than his we are saying she is a slave and should learn to love it.

If she were an adult complaining about a political leader and she was jailed for her thoughts and opinions because she made them known we would be calling him a dictator and asking for his head on a spike.

Somehow behavior of suppression of thought and independence is now applauded simply because he is labeled Father.

There is a difference between respecting your parents VS always liking what they do.

I talked shit about my parents. I still talk shit about my mom. They were not perfect and they fucked up. They were not and are not immune to criticism.

I will never ever endorse a parent's right to punish their child for expressing their opinion.

Key my car, your going to be working that off for a long time.

Destroy my property, Your getting a job and that entire paycheck's going to me.

Say that you don't like my parenting online, well you have a good day.

I don't think anyone is a hero for suppressing their child's individuality because it makes you feel bad that they don't appreciate what you want them to appreciate.

Someday this girl will be an adult and most likely in this guy's case she will say something along the lines of, "Yeah my parents were good at making sure I never wanted anything but it felt like a police state"

This girl's letter would have been right at home in the Things I hate section here on Fratching.

[Gravekeeper]

Everyone complains about parents not following thru on punishments, then when a parent actually does, they complain as well.

That's not the part we're criticizing though -.-

If she was an adult who had complained about her husband, friend, or anyone else in her personal life we would be calling this guy a psycho for his reaction.

I've actually been wondering that exact same thing to be honest.

[Ree]

I haven't even watched the video.
I saw it posted on several of my friends' FB walls.
There was a headline on my homepage when I opened my browser.
I read a description of what the video contained, and that was enough for me.

The very fact that the father filmed it and posted it was enough to make me think he was a total dick. His sole purpose was to humiliate his daughter. He succeeded.

The teen sounded like a spoiled, obnoxious brat, but I am a firm believer that their behaviour as they grow is a reflection of the parenting they have been given.

If she was posting nasty crap on FB about her parents and the "cleaning lady", then he should be asking himself what kind of values he has taught his daughter.
If she was so spoiled that she felt actually helping out around the house was beneath her, then he needs to stop and think about where that perception may have come from.

He destroyed an expensive piece of electronics that he will probably go out and replace once the spotlight is off of them.

I agree with the comment that, if this was another adult, or the guy's spouse who had complained, that type of behaviour would be considered totally inappropriate.

I do not commend his parenting skills at all.

[firecat88]

if this was another adult, or the guy's spouse who had complained, that type of behaviour would be considered totally inappropriate.

I do not commend his parenting skills at all.

I've actually been wondering that exact same thing to be honest.

If she was an adult who had complained about her husband, friend, or anyone else in her personal life we would be calling this guy a psycho for his reaction.

However somehow being her dad magically grants him the powers of being a hero.

I'm glad other people are saying what I've been feeling. I don't give a crap that she's a teenager and he's the dad. These are not the actions of a rational, sane person. If it was my dad who'd done that, I would be kind of afraid to stay in the same house much longer.

[KnitShoni]

Lots of Monday morning quarterbacking and back seat parenting going on here.

People love to talk about how, if a teenager acts a certain way or displays a certain behavior, it's the parents' fault. How many of you, when your teenager has done something ridiculous, stop and say, to yourselves and/or them, "I know I taught you better than that. Where did this come from?" How many of you heard that from your own parents?

As far as punishing her for expressing her opinion: Sure, she has the right to do so. How, exactly, does that absolve her of any consequence should she be disrespectful in the process?

[Greenday]

I'm glad other people are saying what I've been feeling. I don't give a crap that she's a teenager and he's the dad. These are not the actions of a rational, sane person. If it was my dad who'd done that, I would be kind of afraid to stay in the same house much longer.

Yes they are. What did he do that was either irrational or insane? Prove a point? Teach her a lesson? Show her why you don't bite the hand that feeds?

[Amanita]

Yeah, it really bothers me that everyone is hailing the dad as some sort of hero.
If a boss, husband, or friend did the same thing because the same person said negative things about them on the 'net, I'm sure reactions would be different.
About the sexism thing, I would be just as disgusted if mom had been the one to pull a gun out. That's not rational at all. When a spouse destroys your property, it's labelled as abusive behavior. So why is it cool to do that to a teenager? An authority figure breaking things like that sends the message "I could do this to you too!". Or at the very least, it creates needless resentment.

And I don't agree with automatically discounting what the daughter had to say, because she's young. Sometimes parents really DO pile too much on a kid's plate for whatever reason. The coffee bit got to me- are her parents too damn lazy to make/get their own coffee? Asking a child to make reasonable contributions to the house is one thing, using them like a live-in nanny or butler is another.

Really parents- if the worst thing your teen daughter does is rant to her online friends about her chores, consider yourselves blessed. There's a lot of parents with truly out of control kids who would love to trade places with you.

[Greenday]

That's not rational at all.

Seriously, explain that irrationality of it.

And yes, it would be a drastically different situation if it was some woman's husband or friend or whatever. They are peers. The type of relationship does matter.

[Andara Bledin]

Really parents- if the worst thing your teen daughter does is rant to her online friends about her chores, consider yourselves blessed. There's a lot of parents with truly out of control kids who would love to trade places with you.

This wasn't just that she went online to rant to her peers.

This was that she'd been grounded for ranting online to her peers quite recently, and within months of getting back online, she's doing the exact same thing she did last time as if it never happened except that this time, she's actively trying to hide it from her parents because she knows she's not supposed to be doing it because she was specifically told not to do it.

Why did he choose to shoot the laptop? Because that's what he told her would happen if she did this again. She had prior warning of the consequences of her actions, and he followed through to let her know that when he says he's going to do something, that's what he's going to do.

The type of relationship does matter.

This.

With a peer, you explain your position and you trust that they are mature enough to understand and either agree or argue their side in a reasonable manner and you reach a consensus or compromise that works as best it can to satisfy the both of you.

Children can sometimes be mature enough to do the same, but more often than not lack the information and experience to properly understand the full repercussions of the things they choose to do.

This girl obviously felt that there would be no repercussions for her actions, so he gave her a far more tangible one to help her steer clear of doing something that had the power to negatively affect the entire family's lives.

^-.-^

[Ree]

Lots of Monday morning quarterbacking and back seat parenting going on here.

People love to talk about how, if a teenager acts a certain way or displays a certain behavior, it's the parents' fault. How many of you, when your teenager has done something ridiculous, stop and say, to yourselves and/or them, "I know I taught you better than that. Where did this come from?"

I don't pretend to have been a perfect parent.
I did, however, raise my child with certain values and expected certain behaviours from her.

Of course there were things my daughter did where I said, "You know better than that."
Some of it was peer pressure.
Some of it was just her testing boundaries to see what she could get away with.

Overall, though, aside from lapses in judgment over things like drinking or smoking, her actions were never a total betrayal of the values with which she was raised.

If she posted on FB that she was sick of doing all the work around the house, I think I would have just laughed it off and chalked it up to simply her grumbling, and I would have made some kind of joke about it, or just ignored it.
That's because I would realize she really wasn't that selfish and rude, and this was just her having a bad day.

So, for this father to have jumped to such a conclusion, and taken the punishment to such extremes, I would think there must have been a pattern of insolence from her.

In that case, yes, I would ask the father to look at how he has parented this child that she has turned out to be so disrespectful that he would resort to such an extreme show of power, and then videotaping it and posting it on the internet for the world to see.

[Gravekeeper]

Consequences are not the problem here. How dad went about those consequences is the problem.

If you took any other two people and placed them in this scenario, yes, dad would come across as kind of a lunatic. Yet apparently its okay because he's doing this to his own child instead of someone else. Let's try it this way:

Someone gives you a laptop as a gift. At a later date, you use the laptop to complain to some friends about that person in a matter that was intended to not be seen by that person. Person finds out somehow. Person then takes the laptop back, posts a video on Youtube for the whole world to see where they read your Facebook out loud and feel the need to defend themselves from it while deriding you for it. Then they shoot the laptop on camera.

Those are not the actions of a mature adult. So why are they automatically excusable because he's a parent? If this guy was 15 instead of 40 the court of public opinion would be crucifying him.

[Amanita]

Pretty much what gravekeeper said.

I do think it's irrational. Not just to do, but to threaten with. I guess it's the "waste" factor that I have a hard time getting around. If he sold the thing or gave it away, it would strike me as a lot less warped.

Why bring the gun out in the first place? I've got an impressive sword collection, but I don't threaten to hack things to bits when I'm offended. I may get mad enough to break shit sometimes, but I don't actually do it. Self control is a good thing!

And if the daughter was really as bad as her father makes her out to be, where did she get that from? Kids don't develop in a vacuum. Just what went wrong here? Why did this girl feel she needed to rant on facebook, and couldn't speak to her parents honestly? Some parents are just not that approachable or reasonable.

[kibbles]

Gravekeeper hit the nail on the head...and to take it a bit further the father came off as a lunatic because his actions actually indicate he is IMO. And it is not too far of a stretch to think that someone who uses a gun to show consequences would also use a gun to deal with people.

Not a very stable person IMO.

[Greenday]

Except it's completely different because a parent-child relationship and taking away stuff as a punishment is okay. Kid getting too many tickets in the car you bought them? Take their keys. Kid spends way too much time on their laptop slamming their parents for being parents? Make sure they can't use it anymore.

Amanita, why NOT bring out the gun? What exactly is wrong with using a gun to destroy a laptop? It's quick, it's effective, and it gets the point across quite well.

kibbles, I'm sorry but there's just no proof whatsoever that he's a lunatic or unstable. What he did was very rational. If he had gone on a shooting spree in an anger fueled rage, that'd be unstable and make him a lunatic. Instead he calmed sat down, read the letter, and did his thing. At no point in that video did I see any evidence to support the argument that he isn't in the right mind.

[fireheart17]

Pretty much what gravekeeper said.

I do think it's irrational. Not just to do, but to threaten with. I guess it's the "waste" factor that I have a hard time getting around. If he sold the thing or gave it away, it would strike me as a lot less warped.

Why bring the gun out in the first place? I've got an impressive sword collection, but I don't threaten to hack things to bits when I'm offended. I may get mad enough to break shit sometimes, but I don't actually do it. Self control is a good thing!

And if the daughter was really as bad as her father makes her out to be, where did she get that from? Kids don't develop in a vacuum. Just what went wrong here? Why did this girl feel she needed to rant on facebook, and couldn't speak to her parents honestly? Some parents are just not that approachable or reasonable.

I'll go through your points one at a time:

1. I could've seen the selling part as being rational too. In fact, I think someone on the CS.com forums had to return one of her kids toys because she was misbehaving.

2. Definitely agreed. Was there a need to be that extreme?

3. I can think of a few areas, but again I would agree.