What's the deal with sex?

[Saydrah]

OK, I just saw this thread, so I have to throw in my defense of "screwing around willy-nilly" and "stay outta my bedroom" thinking.

First of all, let me get one thing out of the way-- I'm in no way, shape, or form a nymphomaniac or even unusually sexual. I have had fewer total partners than most women my age, and I'm currently dealing with some hormonal issues that cause me to have a very low sex drive, so I'm really the last person who would be interesting in maintaining the right to have scads of sex with strangers just because I feel like doing it myself.

I'm polyamorous, which mostly means that I'm naturally predisposed to have different needs met by different people, including romantically. For example, my primary SO is someone I'm very deeply involved with, have been for a long time, and our relationship is a very emotional one, whether it's being extremely happy together or extremely angry at one another. It's rather mercurial, but it's worked for us so far, and we're committed to continuing to make it work. But when I'm with him, it's never "shut off the brain and just enjoy each other's company" time, unless we're asleep. We're always talking, doing something, etc. My secondary partner is someone I can not see for six months and pick up right where I left off, or see every day for a week and be fine. He relaxes me and I turn off the intellectual/emotional part of my brain when I'm with him-- it's just friendly companionship. He wouldn't be a suitable primary partner for me at all, because I AM an intellectual/emotional person, but he meets a need that I don't stop having just because someone who IS a suitable primary partner for me is around. My primary SO has someone who fulfills much the same purpose for him.

So, I get my needs met in a way that makes perfect sense to me and no sense to most monogamous people.

Conceivably, someone else has a need that can be met by safely and ethically engaging in promiscuous sex with strangers, and as long as they are not violating anyone else's rights by doing it (say, raping others), I see absolutely no reason why my or anyone else's choice of how to get their romantic/sexual needs met is better than that hypothetical person's choice to be extremely promiscuous.

If someone wants to accept the risks of "screwing around willy nilly," that's like me accepting the risks of telling someone I really like that I'm polyamorous and can't have a long-term monogamous relationship without going totally nutso, and knowing I may well lose them because I revealed that. It's part of the choice I made when I recognized this part of myself as something I can't change and don't want to change. It's also like someone else accepting the risks of lifelong non-sexual committment to another person-- if someone wants to marry another person and never have sex, for life, I may not understand their motivation, but they are accepting the risks, such as developing a sex drive later in life after making that committment, or being spurned by others who don't understand committment and love without sex. Why would I want to butt into that choice?

Individual sexual liberty is a pet cause of mine, but it's not JUST because my own preferred relationship type is not a traditional one. I just see no way to make a value judgment about whose sexual choices are better; therefore, everyone deserves and has the right to their own choices.

[Ljt09863]

I say that if sex wasn't supposed to be done for fun, then why was it made to feel so darn good?
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i believe that sex feels soo good cause it isn't instinct for us as it is for animals to mate. i thnk that if it didn't feel so good, we wouldn't do it as much, if at all.

most animals have a mating period. we, as humans, don't all get together at a certain point in the year, and ruffle our feathers, or stick our butts up in the air meowing at whoever is near us(well, most of us don't). so sex feels good, that way we will do it, and the human species won't die out. just my two cents

when my child gets older(thank god i still have a long time before this conversation happens) im going to talk to him about NOT having sex,until he is old enough to be responsible for it. which just doesn't mean using condoms, but it means being able to control his urges to have sex, having sex with people who he trusts, and cares about, using protection, and accepting responsibility if something should happen. hopefully this means when he is grown and out of my house.

[Seshat]

Sex is intimate partly because .. well, for it to feel as good as it can, you have to let your emotional control of yourself go for a while. And -that-, I (at least) only want to do with people I really trust.

Because of that I can see the reasons so many people feel it should be restricted to long-term pairings. It can leave you emotionally vulnerable!

But I figure a grown adult should be able to make his/her own decisions about stuff like that. I certainly don't want some random lawmaker making MY decisions for me.

[blas87]

Wait a minute, men shouldn't be allowed to please their wife because it's how lesbians get each other off?

Do those nuts realize that a lot of ways women please their boyfriends/husbands are the same ways gay men please one another?

TEH TERRIBLE! OH NOES!

[AFPheonix]

Well, apparently at least one guy felt that way, so some poor wife had to deal with a complete selfish asshole who wouldn't reciprocate in any way.

That site is a study in a lot of sad women with crappy misinformed selfish men who try to use the Bible in ways it really shouldn't be used to justify their behavior.

[Flyndaran]

Sex feels good to every animal capable of feeling pleasure, so that includes all mammals, birds, and reptiles.
There is a reason that emotion is centered in the section often called the reptilian brain.

Sex is really fun messy hugging, and therefore REALLY no one's business but the adults involved.